


One Day At A Time

by Beserk



Category: Once Upon a Time (TV)
Genre: F/F, Grief/Mourning, Kid Fic, M/M, Mutual Pining, Pining, Slow Burn
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-07-24
Updated: 2019-09-03
Packaged: 2020-07-18 00:56:15
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 15
Words: 81,170
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19966075
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Beserk/pseuds/Beserk
Summary: "Oi, matey!" David jumped as someone pushed him slightly to the side. "Get back in the line!"David's eyes narrowed as he turned. On his left, glaring at him was a man with black hair and beard, blue eyes brought into sharp focus by eyeliner, a black leather jacket, far too tight jeans, and two necklaces with silver pendants dangling from them on his exposed and slightly hairy chest.He should have looked ridiculous but he really…didn’t.The man looked David over and then his face broke into a smile that made David incredibly uncomfortable and slightly warm."Never mind that," The man moved slightly towards David, and he took an automatic step backwards. "You can take my place in the line, love."****Three years after the death of his wife, David Nolan is struggling to raise his four children. When his daughter Emma takes a summer job working for a fishing boat captained by one Killian Jones, he finds himself unable to stay away from the charismatic captain.





	1. Chapter 1

The problem, as David saw it (well, there were many problems in his life, but he needed to focus at the moment), was that he had absolutely no idea what to do with teenage girls. He had absolutely no idea what to do with a sixteen-year-old feisty becoming-an-adult who slammed herself down on the breakfast table one morning while her sister and brothers were munching their way through their breakfast and announced, "I'm taking a summer job working in a fishing boat."

Right. Ok.

David cleared his throat as he put a bowl in front of Emma and poured a hefty amount of porridge into it.

"Um…So, where did this idea come from?" David asked as he caught a banana piece that had fell from Hope's plate. "I didn't know you were…um, interested in fishing?"

Emma gave him the 'oh my fucking God my dad's an idiot' look that David knew far too well and said, "I'm getting paid. Also, Miss Zelena says if we take a summer job and write an essay about it, we'll get extra credit for next year."

"Oh," David perked up. "That's a good reason."

Henry snorted into his food, "Regina's going to be working in the shipyard office for the summer."

David frowned at that and cleaned up Hope's messy face. He looked at her, scrutinizing his daughter. She looked slightly cleaner for a moment before she picked up her spoon and begin eating again, smearing her face in porridge. David suppressed a sigh. Why did he even bother? He should just wait until the kids finished eating before trying to clean them up.

Mary-Margaret would have had them eating cleanly. She always knew how to control all four of them-all three. She only got to enjoy three of them. David swallowed and rubbed Hope's blond head.

"Gina?" Neal tilted his head. "Is Gina coming over?"

" _No_ ," Emma snapped and turned to glare at Henry. "And you, shut it."

"Hi," David said warningly. "Watch your language."

There were a few moments of silence from the older two kids while the younger picked up the slack, Neal chatting about Alexandra, his friend (best friend forever and ever and ever, if you asked the five-year-old) while Hope just hummed to herself happily while she played around with her food. And then David cleared his throat.

"So, Regina's working at the shipyard? That's why you wanted to-"

"Oh my God, give it a rest!" Emma slammed her fist on the wooden table before jumping up, stomping past the small living room area and climbing the stairs into the second story of the loft, slamming the door to the bedroom she shared with Henry close.

David winced and turned to look at Henry. The ten-year-old shrugged and said, in a far too serious voice that mimicked his uncle, " _Women_."

David had to suppress a laugh.

*

"A what now?" Killian frowned at Smee from his position under the valve he was trying to fix. It was harder than it used to be, now that he had one less hand. Killian pushed that thought away. He was bloody used to working with one hand, what was the point in getting all teary eyed about it now?

Smee shuffled on his feet, as if embarrassed, and repeated himself, "A teen, to work in the summer. It's another hand on deck-"

"Why would we want _that_?" Killian asked, genuinely confused. "Mate, what can a bloody teenager do except get in the way?"

"Look," Will took his red hat off and rubbed his hair. "It's a nice way to get to know the community, don't you think? They have this whole project every summer where they find jobs for the kids so they don’t just wonder around all summer-"

"What's the blood point of a summer vacation if you're not allowed to wonder around, get drunk and fuck everything that lets you?" Killian asked, feeling slightly horrified. Bloody hell, what _was_ this tiny little town? He knew they should have gone to Portland. Big cities were more anonymous. They didn't involve having to try and blend into a town where everyone seemed to know everyone, where there was one diner and one ice cream parlor and one library and one-

Anyway.

Smee, the only member of his old crew from England that he brought over to Maine (expecting Milah, but she really did not count, as they had not been part of the same crew for years), seemed to enjoy their new home of Storybrooke. He went to Granny's Diner, that one diner, and came back with the kind of ridiculous gossip Killian expected from a telenovela. As far as he could figure out, the teacher who was organizing this 'teen summer work' was the half sister of one of the students and pregnant with the child of a man named Robin (who was English, according to Smee), who already had another child with his first wife. Something like that.

"Ah…I don't think they want their kids to do that," Smee replied, squinting at Killian a bit. "Is that what you would do during your summers?"

"Ah, yes?"

Smee shook his head and patted Killian consolingly on the shoulder, "I forget you don’t understand normal people."

"Thanks, mate."

Smee grinned, "So, you agree?"

"What? I didn't bloody say that-"

"Please? It will be good for you, I think. Other than Milah and I, do you even spend time with anyone?"

"Don't need anyone else," Killian mumbled, though the realized as he said it how childish he sounded. Smee gave him a look, making it clear he agreed with Killian's thought. So Killian sighed. "Yeah, all right, all right! We'll have a teen working on the bloody boat. But if this blows up in our face I'm blaming you for it, yeah?"

Smee grinned, "You have my word, I'll take on the blame. Well, I'm going to Granny's Diner, would you like to come with me?"

"Not particularly," Killian looked back towards the valve. "Get me a coffee, if you would."

"Nope."

Killian stopped what he was doing and wheeled himself from under the machine, raising an eyebrow. "No? Why not?"

"Because, my friend, you need to get out of the house."

"I'm not in the bloody house!"

"The boat counts as your home, cap." Smee said solemnly.

Killian groaned and threw his tool to the ground, "Fine, fine! I'm coming. Wait until I change."

Smee looked disgustingly pleased.

*

"Bags?"

"Check," The four children chirped back.

"Lunches?"

"Check."

"Homework, Emma and Henry?'

"Check," Henry and Emma said, looking like they were getting sick of the daily retinue. Neal and Hope, though, stood in attention like soldiers. They enjoyed the game. Well, half-game, half-necessity.

"You did it?" David gave Emma a stern look. Henry didn't need to be checked twice, he had done the homework with him the night before, but Emma…well, Emma hadn't allowed him to help her with her homework for around two years.

"Did it all, can we go now?" Emma pulled her backpack over her shoulder. "I don’t want to be late."

David gave her a smile as he helped Hope pull her own backpack on, "Do I ever let you come to school late, princess?"

Emma glared at him for a moment and then rolled her eyes, "Point Dad."

"Emmy won!" Three-year-old Hope threw her hand in the air, which got a laugh out of Emma. His sixteen-year-old picked Hope up and twirled her around as Henry and Neal took David's hands and the five left the loft. The next hour was a whirl wind of activity as he strapped Neal and Hope into their seats and drove with the sounds of four kids talking over each other, first to the only school in Storybrooke, where Emma and Henry were dropped off for their last day of school and accepted a kiss on the head from their father, and then Neal and Hope were dropped off in their kindergarten (they asked for both a hug and kiss and then another hug…) and David slumped back down in his truck and looked at his watch. Today's drop off had gone surprisingly quickly. He had half an hour before he was expected at the animal shelter. He had time to get a coffee at Granny's Diner.

David stopped the truck in front of Granny's and stepped out. The diner was at its most chaotic and busy, David not being the only person to want a cup of coffee before work. He pushed his way past the bodies to make it to the counter, calling out to Ruby. Technically, he was disregarding the line, but being the widower of the owner's granddaughter's best friend gave him some perks in the place.

"Oi, matey!" David jumped as someone pushed him slightly to the side. "Get back in the line!" 

David's eyes narrowed as he turned. On his left, glaring at him was a man with black hair and beard, blue eyes brought into sharp focus by eyeliner, a black leather jacket, far too tight jeans, and two necklaces with silver pendants dangling from them on his exposed and slightly hairy chest.

He should have looked ridiculous but he really…didn’t.

The man looked David over and then his face broke into a smile that made David incredibly uncomfortable and slightly warm.

"Never mind that," The man moved slightly towards David, and he took an automatic step backwards. "You can take my place in the line, love."

"Uh…" David blinked and quickly turned to the Ruby, who was taking orders rapid-fire.

"Espresso or Americano, Dave?" Ruby asked without stopping her scribbling.

"Americano," David replied. "Thanks, Ru-"

"I'll get it."

Both Ruby and David froze and turned, wide-eyed, to the black haired man, who looked at David and shrugged, "What? I can't treat a handsome man to a coffee?"

_Oh, fuck me._

The man leaned forward, "My name-"

"No, thanks," David blurted out, sounding, embarrassingly, quite shaken up. He gave Ruby a slightly panicked look and rushed away from the counter. And yes, he was running away, but no, that wasn't going to stop him.

For some unknown reason, ever since Mary-Margaret had passed, whenever David was around people who didn't know about her, he found himself being hit on by…. seemingly everyone. He really didn’t understand it. But when he went to places like Portland or any of the other big cities, he mentally prepared himself for those events. But he was not expecting it here, at Granny's, one of the places he felt most comfortable in. After all, it was impossible in such a small town to have people not know about the widower. David shivered slightly.

And the day was going so well.

"David," David jumped as Ruby came up with his paper cup and a knowing grin. "Pay me next time, ok? I can tell you can't wait to run away. That hot guy is still looking for you-"

David gave her a hard look and took the cup, "Thanks, Ruby. Say hi to Granny for me, will you?"

" _Davey_ …" Ruby called out to him as he opened the front door.

"See you tomorrow!"

He caught the sight of Ruby laughing and the black-haired man walking towards her as he basically ran back to his truck.

*

"I didn't mean to scare off your costumers," Killian said dryly as the woman (Ruby. The handsome blond had called her Ruby) turned to look at him and motioned him back to the counter, where the elderly lady was bravely fending off a herd of over-enthused costumers.

Ruby rolled her eyes, "Trust me, you won't be able to scare David away from here. His wife was my best friend."

"Had a falling out, did you?" Pursuing a married man was never ideal. Killian had done it before, but it added a layer of secrecy that he did not enjoy in his romances. He preferred to flaunt his conquests.

The woman hesitated over the pad and then said quietly, "No. She passed. Three years ago."

"Oh," Suddenly Killian felt incredibly guilty over his glib remark, and scratched the back of his neck. "My condolences."

"Thanks," Ruby said, then cleared her throat. "So, what can I get for you today?"

"A black coffee, strong, and an cappuccino. To go."

"Sure thing," Ruby squibbed the order down and turned to make the drinks. "So, you driving past? I know you're not a tourist because the only bed-and-breakfast is owned by my grandmother and we haven't had anyone this season."

"Oh, no," Killian snorted. "I actually own one of the fishing boats-"

"Really?" Ruby turned to look at him, suddenly smiling brightly. "Then you must be Will's captain! He's told us a lot about you."

"Well, I like to think of it as Will being my subordinate," Killian said. "But yes, I am his captain."

Ruby grinned, "When he said you were English and wore eyeliner I didn't know if I should believe him. But I see he wasn't lying."

"Oh? And what else did he say about me?" Killian leaned forward on the counter. "Aside from my being dashingly handsome, of course."

"That you have the ego the size of the entire continent," Ruby replied cheerfully and placed the paper cups in front of Killian. "That will be five dollars, please."

"Cheers, love," Killian handed over the money.

He should have come to the diner ages ago. Bloody ridiculous that it never occurred to him it would be a good way to find a person to shag.

*

"David!"

David jerked his head slightly from the ridiculously loud yell coming from the phone as he moved up the dog kennels, placing water in their trays.

"Jimmy, you're yelling," David reprimanded his twin as one of the dogs came up to lick his fingers excitingly. He changed his voice to speak to the dog, "And how are you doing this morning, buddy? Have you been a good boy, huh? Yes you have, yes you have-"

"Please tell me you're talking to one of the animals," Jimmy interrupted dryly.

"Wilby," David rubbed the dog's head and smiled. He was definitely his favorite right now. "He's a pure breed English Shepard, Augustus Booth found him. Gorgeous animal."

"Oh, yeah?" He could hear the cows on the family farm mooing. Jimmy probably called him while he was cleaning their stalls. For a moment, he missed the farm so much it was like a physical pain. They had been happy there, the three of them. Mary-Margaret, him and their eldest child. Maybe they should have stayed there, but it was a nearly two hours drive away from Portland, where Mary-Margaret was going to study to be a teacher and David to be a veterinary nurse.

After they were done with their studies, now with two children, a toddler and eight-year-old, they returned to Storybrooke and decided on buying the loft with the help of David's mother and Mary-Margaret's parents instead of returning to live in the farm, though it was only a twenty-minute drive from Storybrooke. They had been independent in Portland, and wanted to continue with the trend. It had been the right decision at the time, a way of keeping them adults, forcing them to continue relaying on each other and no one else when it came to Emma and Henry.

But now, now David couldn't bare the independence. He wanted to be back home with his mother and his twin, to live in the farm and not be as alone as he felt most days. But he couldn't take the children away from the home they had known since their childhood. The past three years have been hard enough. At least they had the familiar bed and walls to return to every night. His children loved being on the farm, but it wasn't their home.

"David? Helllo, did I lose you?"

"Wh-oh, sorry," David blinked, realizing he was still petting Wilby. The animal was basking in the attention, tail waggling and tongue lapping at David's hand.

"David," His twin sighed, and David winced, knowing immediately that this was one of those cases where Jimmy read far too much into his brother's head from just a few words. Mary-Margaret used to call it the 'creepy-twin-effect'. "If you like the dog, why don’t you adopt it? It's been nearly four years since Roman died, you know. Maybe it's time for a replacement."

David looked down at the dog, and swallowed. Mary-Margaret and him had found Roman, a little black-and-white mutt, when Mary-Margaret was pregnant with Emma. He was _their_ dog. If David got another one now, that dog would be his and the kids. Not Mary-Margaret's.

"It's fine," David mumbled and rubbed Wilby's head. "I don't have time to take care of a dog with all the kids."

"Aha, sure," James drawled.

"Don’t do the twin thing," David warned.

"But I can tell you're lying-"

"No twin thing!"

James laughed, but it sounded slightly forced, "Will you bring the kids to the farm for dinner tonight?"

David sighed deeply, "I'll try. But it's the last day of school. The older kids will probably want to meet their friends. I’ll see you soon, ok?"

"Ok, Davey," Jimmy copied his twin's sigh. "See you soon."

David clicked the phone off and slipped it into his pocket. He leaned down next to Wilby and gave him a strong rub. The dog laid down on his back and wiggled his legs up in the air. David felt a pang of conscience. Maybe he should take the dog home with him. A surprise gift for the kids for finishing the school year? Emma and Henry had done exceptionally well this year. And this dog needed a home, he might be put down if no one took him in.

But the thought of taking another dog in…of taking out the dog beds and bowls Mary-Margaret put in storage after Roman died, of placing them in the kitchen and living room area, to see this dog use the same beds that Roman used, to have him follow the kids around like Roman had…it brought a bitter taste to his mouth.

"Sorry, bud," David mumbled to the door. "But I can't bring you home yet."

Yet. He hadn't meant to say that part out loud.


	2. Chapter 2

"You're sure about this?" David looked at Emma as he brought the truck to a stop in front of the shipyard. "Because if you wanted Granny could get you a summer job at the dinner, or you could work at the farm with Grandma Ruth-"

"Dad," Emma said sternly. "I want to do this. I don't want to work at the farm or at Granny's, I want to do something different. I'm almost seventeen, I need to start becoming independent."

David hid a smile. Emma was turning seventeen in four months, but he supposed she was not past the stage of life where kids rounded up their age to make themselves seem older than they were.

"Ok," David agreed and opened the truck door. "Let's go, then."

"What-no, wait," Emma scrambled out of the car after her father. "Where are you going?"

David locked the truck and wrapped an arm around Emma's shoulder, "What, did you think I was going to let you go by yourself?"

Emma sighed and slapped her forehead against David's shoulder, "I guess I was hoping you would." She untangled herself from David's hold and marched towards the line of fishboats. She walked straight to one of the largest fishboats that had the words the _Jolly Roger_ written on its side with black print letters, and a crew working on getting it ready, mumbling to each other and patently ignoring Emma.

Confidently, Emma walked right up to the boat and climbed on board, tapping the door to the engine room a few times before turning around to look at David, who stayed down on the deck as they waited, ready to jump in and take Emma away if the need arose.

A few moments later, door to the engine room opened and a round, short man with a red cap over his head and a bushy beard stuck his head out. When he saw Emma, his face opened into what seemed like a genuine smile and he said brightly, "Oh, you must be Emma, right? It's nice to meet you, I'm Will Smee, the First Mate on the _Jolly_ _Roger_ -hi, captain! Captain, come out, our new employee is here!"

"All right, all right," Said a grumpy sounding English voice, and David felt his heart jump a bit.

The man wasn't in the leather jacket anymore, instead in a plaid black shirt and slack dark blue jeans. But he still had the necklaces around his neck, which seemed like they would get in the way of fisherman work (but really, what did David know about fishing?), and eyeliner. The man's eyes scanned Emma and then went down to David, and widened slightly.

"Emma," David mumbled and raised himself up to put a hand on Emma's shoulder.

"Oh," The captain grinned at David. "Didn’t expect to see you again."

Emma frowned and turned to look at David, "You know this guy?"

David shook his head dumbly, but the man said, "I met your…I presume father, yes? At the diner yesterday. Though, I must say you look far too young to have such a grown child."

"My parents were young when I was born," Emma replied, looking back and forth between her father and the fisherman. Then she smiled, like she just had a brilliant idea, and turned back to the two men, "I'm Emma, and this is my dad, David."

"David," The captain said, grinning. "Pleasure. I didn't catch your name when we met last."

"Aha," David mumbled.

Emma raised an eyebrow, "And…what's your name?"

"Oh, of course! Where are my manners?" He took a step forward. "We haven't been formally introduced."

He pointed at himself.

"Killian Jones."

For a moment he stared at David like he expected him to clap or something. But David really had more pressing matters to deal with. Looking around the boat had revealed a worrying commonality between all the fishermen. He turned to Emma and put a protective arm around her shoulder and steered her so she was looking at him.

"I don't feel comfortable with you being here alone with this man," David said quietly to Emma. But clearly not quietly enough.

"Oh, don't worry, mate," The captain said with a grin. "She's not my type."

David's eyes widened, "She's sixteen!"

"No, right, no that's not," Jones spluttered. "I mean, obviously that as well, obviously."

"Obviously," David said dryly, and Emma beside him groaned.

"Dad, he's trying to say that he's gay," She said as if David was missing something really obvious.

Jones used his hand and stump to point to Emma in a 'see?' kind of motion.

"Your girl's not wrong there, love."

"You- don't call me that," David pointed at Jones before glaring at his daughter again, "And you- you are _not_ spending your summer on a fishing boat with only men."

"But, _Dad_ -"

"She's not the only girl," David turned to see a pretty black-haired woman put down a piece of rope and come up to them. "Morning, Captain."

"Milah, good to see you," Jones grinned. "There, see? No need to go all Prince Charming on this. She'll be perfectly safe with us."

David looked at the woman, who had picked up her rope against and was working on it with a few other crewmembers, and then at the hopeful look in Emma's eyes, and he knew he couldn't stop her from doing something she cleared wanted to. When was the last time she had wanted something, asked her father for it, and could get it, other then for small things like new computer games and things like that?

"Fine," David sighed. "Ok, I'll come pick you up, um," He turned to look at Jones, who was grinning at him, "When should I come pick her up?"

"We'll be back before the clock strikes twelve-"

"What time?" David sighed, noting Emma was grinning like she found Jones quite amusing.

"Around five," Jones replied with a tone that suggested that David was being an unnecessary buzzkill.

"Ok," David kissed Emma goodbye on the forehead and stepped off from the boat. "Work hard, sweetie."

"Oh, don't worry, we'll make sure she does."

*

Killian decided immediately that he liked Emma Nolan. As he watched her father's truck drive away, the girl cleared her throat and said, voice as dry as the desert, "Does that swagger work on any guys?"

Killian turned to look at the girl, "Are you asking for advice? Because if you need it-"

Emma snorted, "No, thanks."

"Your loss," Killian shrugged and moved over to help Smee get the boat ready. He asked Milah to find Emma something to do, and they spent the next few hours working rather well as a team, with Emma hovering in the background, accepting jobs and instructions with the kind of serious attention to minute detail that Killian wished he could find in the rest of his employees.

She was definitely an intelligent girl, learning quickly and easily, and also didn't seem to mind the physical aspect of the work, acclimating easily to the smell of the sea and the fish that they caught. By the end of the day Killian realized with a bit of a start that they had caught more fish than usual that day.

Huh. Perhaps another pair of hands on deck was not such a bad idea after all.

"You did good," Killian told Emma as they brought the boat up to the deck. "Bloody good, if I'm being honest."

"Um, thanks," Emma mumbled as he washed her hands in soap and peered over the edge of the ship. A smile widened on her face. "I gotta go, my dad came to get me. I'll see you tomorrow?"

"See you tomorrow," Killian agreed and waved a greeting at David with his stump. David, who had come out of the truck and was holding a squirming, tiny little girl with pigtails in his arms, blinked at Killian and moved the tiny girl to his hip so he could wrap an arm around Emma and press a kiss to her forehead. There was something so tender in his movement, and so different from the annoyed and slightly panicked sharpness he displayed when Killian tried to chat him up in the diner, that it blindsided Killian slightly. With the child in his arms and the teen starting to babble on about her day, he looked entirely in his element. And there was really very little more attractive then a man in his element.

It was only eclipsed by a handsome man who was oblivious about his own attractiveness. And David was dashingly handsome and stunningly unaware.

"You're drooling," Killian turned to see Milah looked at him, an unimpressed look on her face. "Keep it in your pants."

"Oh, love," Killian purred and leaned against the side of the boat. "When have I ever been known to do that?"

He was rewarded by a slap on the back of the head and a sharp, "He's a single father, Killian. Find someone else."

Killian's smile faded, "Don't worry. It's just a one-day crush. It will pass by tomorrow, yeah?"

*

It was not a one day crush. Killian realized that the next morning, as soon as the truck came to a stop in front of the _Jolly Roger_ and his heart made a pathetic little flutter. Emma jumped out of the passenger's seat and David leaned over the window of the driver's seat, kissing Emma's forehead with a practiced motion, like he had made that move thousands of times, which he probably bloody had, being a father and all. He watched as David gave Emma a dazzling smile and drove away.

Right. Still dashingly handsome. Not as much as Killian himself. But still.

The day passed very much like the one before, Emma learning how to work with the crew on the fishing boat but staying mostly in the background, Killian enjoying the feeling of the ocean around him. He always felt the freest, the most at home, when he was surrounded by the smells and feel of the open sea. Killian knew that some people thought that all the seas were the same, that they had the same feel and same presence as the others. But Killian knew that was rubbish. He knew that each strip of sea, each inch of ocean was unique and had its own personality. Some were calm and quiet, accepting the presence of boats in them, some were furious and combative, and had to be handled with gentle care. It changed day by day, season by season.

The Maine sea was so maddingly different then the one he was used to in England, he had to learn it from scratch. He had known his old haunting grounds as intimately as one knew the body of their lover. But Maine-the coast of Maine was new. It needed to be negotiated and courted and understood all over from the beginning. It was a marvellous challenge, and Killian revelled in it, enjoying it immensely.

He didn't think much of David throughout the day, too fixated on the challenge of the sea, but the blond man immediately popped back into his mind when he looked around to see if the truck was anywhere to be seen. When it wasn't, he turned to Emma, who was cleaning under her fingernails beside Milah, who was working on the fish they caught, and said, "Your dad's not getting you today?"

Emma turned to look at him and gave him a stern look, "I can walk, you know. I'm not a _baby_."

"What? No, that's," Killian shook his head. "Not at all what I was insinuating."

"Then why do you want to know-" Emma's eyes widened and she dropped the towel she was using to dry her hand. "Oh."

For a moment the two stared at each other, with an amused Milah in the background, and then Emma cleared her throat.

"I'm meeting him at home, he's got to take Hope and Neal to their cooking class."

"Right," Killian said, and bit his tongue to stop himself from asking if David was going to pick Emma up the next day.

*

The next morning Emma came to the shipyard on her own, walking with a spring in her step. Killian grinned when the girl came up with a bigger smile on her face then Killian had ever seen on her.

"Now, what has gotten you looking so pleased with yourself?" Killian leaned against the boat with a grin as Emma came up to him.

"What? Can't I just be happy?" Emma snapped and accepted Killian's hand as he pulled her up on the boat.

"Sure, darling," Killian poked Emma in the forehead. "But I think there's something more, yeah?"

For a moment Emma hesitated and then she sighed and said, "Well…. there's this girl."

Killian's eyebrow rose up to his hairline and he smirked, "Is there, indeed?"

Emma opened her mouth to speak, but Killian continued.

"Well, I like this tale already."

"It's not like that!" Emma said with haste, blushing slightly, and rubbed the back of her neck. "She's my best friend, I've known her since I was little. Her mother Cora and my grandmother are friends…"

Killian sighed and leaned backwards on the back of the boat, "But you want her to be more."

Emma shrugged.

"Well, if it's dating advice you need, lass, I know my way around-"

"Men?" Emma raised an eyebrow.

Killian shrugged, "I've seduced the fair share of the fairer sex in my time."

" _Why_?" Emma asked, looking rather disgusted.

"You'd be surprised how useful it could be to have a pretty girl on your arm to get into parties," Killian informed her.

"Huh," Emma scrunched up her nose. "Well, if I need help with Regina, I'll let you know."

"You do that," Killian patted Emma's back. "Now, let's get to work, shall we?"

*

"Ok," David looked up as Ruby came up to their table with trays full of food. She gave the kids a grin and begin handing out the plates. "Grilled cheese sandwich for Neal, tuna melt for Hope, plates of chips for Emma and Henry, and…. which twin asked for mushroom pizza and which asked for onion?"

"I asked for-"

"I'm taking the onion," David interrupted and took the pizza, at the same time stopping Hope from digging into the pipping hot toast. "Wait until I cut it for you, pumpkin."

" _I'm_ taking the onion," Jimmy said as he began helping Neal cut his food (at five, Neal was past the age where he allowed his food to be cut by someone else, but not yet at the age where he could cut his own food effectively). " _I_ ordered it."

"Yeah, but I feel like onions as well," David said and then gave his brother a hard look. "And I'm exhausted."

James snorted, "I worked in the farm from five in the morning."

David glared at his brother and saw Henry and Emma exchange a look and roll their eyes at the corner of his eye.

So, James was playing the farm-card.

"And _I_ was awake at four because Hope couldn't sleep."

"I had a nightmare," Hope piped in, sounding rather proud of that fact.

"Really?" James sighed dramatically. "The _kid-card_?"

David grinned triumphantly, and took a bite out of the pizza while he handed Hope her food.

"No gloating, Davey," Jimmy ordered, but he was smiling a bit.

"Yeah, it's unattractive, Daddy," Neal squeaked, probably parroting something he heard his grandmother say.

The conversation flowed easily from there with each of the kids giving anecdotes from their third day of camp. Henry's group had been taken to the pool, Neal's had an animal expert brought in (David felt a pang of conscience when he heard how excited the puppy that was brought made his son), and Hope told a long, rambling tale about her friend Roland who 'refused to be a fairy' which was apparently a rather serious problem for their playtime.

And then it was Emma's turn, and James turned to his eldest niece to ask, "How about you, princess? How is it working on a boat?"

Emma brightened and said, "It's awesome. I mean, it’s hard but-"

"Better then working with your favorite uncle at the farm?"

"Ok, first of all, you're my _only_ uncle. And second of all- _yeah,_ it's better. Do you find lots of random cool stuff at the farm?"

David and James exchanged a look, and David asked, "Uh, random cool stuff?"

"Yeah, look," Emma put a hand in her pocket and took out a small object. "We caught this in the net with the fish. Cool, huh?"

David and Henry both leaned in together to look at the object in Emma's palm. It appeared to be a small pillbox in the shape of a book. It was made out of gold and had a small pearl attached to the tope of it. David's eyes widened as his son let out an appreciative hum. He liked anything that had a book-motif to it. 

"You can have it, Henry," Emma said magnanimously, and Henry brightened.

"What, really?"

"Yeah, sure."

"Wait a moment," David raised his hand to stop Emma. "Emmy, where did you get this again?"

"I told you, it came up in the net."

David chewed his lower lip, "And Jones just let you take it?"

"Ah, yeah," Emma gave him a unimpressed I'm-a-teenager-I-don't-have-time-for-my-father look.

David saw James frowning as well and his brother said, "You know that's made out of gold, right? And has a pearl on it?"

Emma snorted, "I don't think it's real."

"No, Emmy, I'm pretty sure that's real," David took the pillbox from Emma's hand and pocketed it. "Sorry, but we need to give it back to the captain."

Emma glared at him, "But he _gave_ it to me."

"That's not the kind of gift you just give someone," David said sternly. _Especially not a teenager_. "This is probably expensive. And there's no point rolling your eyes, kiddo."

"But I didn't-" Emma started and then stopped herself and sighed. "Yeah, ok, I was going to."

"It's good to be self-aware," David smiled across the table at his firstborn, getting a snort back before Emma changed the subject.

*

"…and then the princess woke and kissed her son and daughter and said, 'oh, thank you for waking me up, my babies, I'm so proud of you' and they went to find the prince and their big sister and big brother and they all lived happily ever after, the end."

David finished the story and looked up and down the bunk bed. On the top bunk, Neal was already sleeping soundly, limbs splayed out, so that was one down. Hope, on the lower bunk, appeared half-asleep, so David decided it was safe to try and slip out of the room.

"Daddy?"

David stopped himself from sighing out loud and moved back to the bunk bed, settling down by his youngest's feet.

"Not ready to sleep yet, baby?"

Hope let out a yawn and rubbed her eyes, "Daddy, can we wake Mommy up like in the story?"

David took a deep breath and lay down next to Hope, under the blanket, and Hope lay her head on his shoulder. David wrapped an arm around Hope's small body and said, quietly, "Do you remember what we said about Mommy?"

Hope was quiet for a long time and then said, "That being dead is not like being asleep. You can't wake up."

"And that Mommy loved you so, so much," David continued.

"She didn't."

David froze at the sharp tone and sat up, pulling Hope into his lap so he could look her in the eye.

"What do you mean, baby?"

Hope tugged at David's shirt and said, "She didn't _know_ me."

"Hi, hi, hi," David said softly. "Your Mommy loved you, so, so much. Every night she would sit in out bed and she would sing to you, when you were right there inside of her," David poke Hope in the stomach gently. "And she would talk to you, and tell you how much she loved you, and she picked out your name-she wouldn't let me choose it. _I_ wanted to call you Poppy."

Hope giggled, "No, you didn't."

"I did!" David widened his eyes. "Or maybe Cheeky."

Hope giggled, "No."

"Or…. Peachy."

"You're silly," Hope accused him with a giggle.

"I'm not silly," David cried out with false indignation. "I'm Daddy."

Dad jokes. They made Henry and Emma smack their head on the nearest hard surface and Neal roll his eyes. But they still worked wonders on Hope. She giggled and hugged her father's neck before yawning again.

"Stay until I fall asleep," Hope demanded, and David sighed and slipped back down on the bed, wrapping a blanket around Hope and himself. He sat there, motionless, as Hope was lulled into sleep quickly and easily, and stayed there for some more time, not wanting to let go of his daughter quite yet. His eyes moved past the sleeping blond head towards the picture on the wall: Mary-Margaret, sitting on the sofa in the half-circle living room area of the loft, with a two-year-old Neal on her lap and the huge stomach with Hope in it pultruding in front of her. Mary-Margaret was smiling in the picture down at Neal, her hand resting protectively on her stomach. The picture was taken three weeks before Hope's birth and Mary-Margaret's death.

It was the last picture David had taken of Mary-Margaret before her death.

For a moment David felt like he couldn’t breathe. God, he missed his wife so _much_. After three years, he'd have thought the pain would have gotten lesser, but if anything, it only grew. He just got lonelier and lonelier, more and more lost as he struggled to care for his children on his own. Mary-Margaret never had to deal with a teenage Emma, but he knew she would have done a better job then he was doing right now. He had no idea how to deal with Emma's seeming crush on her best friend, the fact that she wouldn't talk about it and would just get upset when he tried bringing it up.

David gently placed Hope on the bed and stood up, tugging the blanket over her securely before kissing her forehead and used his arms to raise himself up to the top bunk to give Neal one as well before leaving the bedroom and gently closing the door behind him.

Emma and Henry were sitting by the TV, playing on of those video games that Henry had gotten into lately. David gave them their ten-minute warning before bed and walked over to the counter, where James was sitting.

"Hi, bud," James rubbed David's back as his twin slumped down next to him and lay his forehead down on the counter. "You look tired."

"Do I?" David mumbled and looked at the clock. It was only eight forty-five, which meant bedtime only took forty minutes. Not bad.

James snorted and then said, hesitantly, "So…did you think any more about getting a new dog?"

"No," David lied.

"Davey…"

"James, just give it a rest, would you?" David snapped, and then quickly looked to the living room to make sure that Henry and Emma didn’t hear. But the children were far to invested in that shooting game of theirs. David squinted at the screen. Was…one of them playing as a hamster? A hamster inside of a robot suit? "I don't want a new dog, ok?"

James stared at him sternly and then his expression softened as he moved over to wrap an arm around David, "You know…Mary-Margaret wouldn't want you to freeze your life without her."

Davis stiffened and pushed James away, "I'm not. I have the kids-"

"Dad!" Henry yelped. "Emma's cheating!"

"I'm not, you're just really bad at this."

"You're shooting at me. We're on the same team!"

"You keep getting in my way, you dork!"

David said and stood up, irrationally thankful at his children for being unable to play together in peace for more than a minute.

*

The next morning the truck came to a stop in front of the ship, and Emma was not the only person to come out of it. David came out as well, with a little boy at his side, holding his hand. Killian frowned-he hadn't seen that boy before, had he? How many children did David have, again? It seemed like a bloody endless number.

"Jones," David acknowledged him as Emma walked straight to Milah and Smee and started helping them.

"David," Killian grinned and jumped down to the deck. "What a pleasure to see you again."

"Hmm," David put a hand in his pocket and took out the pillbox that had been washed up into their net the day before.

"Oh," Killian raised an eyebrow. "Did you steal that from your daughter, David? I didn't know you were such a rapscallion."

Killian was delighted to note that this got a small smile out of David, and the blond man handed Killian the pillbox, "I assume you didn't realize this was made of gold?"

Killian snorted, "Of course I noticed. I thought Emma might like it."

David stared at him like he had gone mad, "But it was found on your boat. It's made of gold, aren't you going to sell it?"

"Well," Killian scratched the back of his neck. "Normally I would, I suppose. But Emma seemed to like it. And it's a small thing, I doubt I could get much money for it."

David just blinked at him, while the boy watched him curiously, eyes squinted like he was trying to figure something out.

"Does it bother you, that I gave Emma a gift?" Killian asked, somewhat confused. He honesty did not understand what the problem was. He had found something, Emma seemed to like it, he gave it to her. What of it?

"What? No," David shook his head. "It's…it's very nice of you. I'm just a little surprised, I suppose."

Killian was almost insulted by David's surprise, but before he had time to really think about it, the black-haired boy took a step forward, letting go of his father's hand, and asked, "Why are you dressed like that?"

"Why are _you_ dressed like _that_?" Killian asked immediately, insulted.

The boy shrugged, " _I'm_ not the one with necklaces on. Aren't necklaces for girls?"

"Bloody hell, no!" Killian said immediately and leaned down to face the boy. "Don't they look rather good on me? I think they do."

He heard David snort in amusement, and the boy looked back at his father, "Is that true?"

"Of course it's true," David agreed. "Everyone can wear whatever they want."

Killian looked up, "I think he was asking if I look good with necklaces? Or rather, if I look devilishly handsome in them?"

"I doubt that was what he was asking," David placed a hand on his son's shoulder. "And I'm not going to inflate your clearly quite already large ego by agreeing with you on that."

Killian straightened up, "So, you _do_ agree I'm devilishly handsome?"

David laughed and tugged his son away, "Come on, Henry, let's get you to camp."

He hadn't said _no_. Killian had a satisfied smile on his face for the next hour or so.

*

"This was a good day," Smee said, pleased with their catch for the day. Killian hummed in agreement as he started cleaning the fish. Emma was cleaning herself up, and waved at something behind Killian. Killian turned to see a black-haired girl, that looked around Emma's age, coming up to the ship.

"Regina!" Emma jumped off the boat and attacked the girl with a huge hug. "How was your day?"

"Kay," Regina mumbled, squinting at Killian. "Who's Captain Guyliner?"

Killian raised both his eyebrows at the girl, and Emma snorted, "This is Killian Jones. Killian, I'll see you on Monday, ok?"

"Enjoy your weekend," Killian waved at the girls. Emma slipped a hand through Regina's and tugged her away.

"Hi, Captain," Killian turned to see Smee walking over to him. "We got everything here under control. Mind going to get us some coffee from the diner?"

"Is there a reason you're not the one going to get the coffee, First Mate?"

It was Milah who answered, saying mildly, "Because Smee and I are not the ones that need to be forced to interact with other human beings."

"But-"

"Just get the coffees, Captain."

Killian sighed and jumped off the boat without another word to his workers. He made his way slowly to the diner, not in any rush, Smee and Milah could wait patiently for their bloody coffees.

But he found himself oddly grateful to the two when he made it to the diner and the first thing he saw was David settled into one of the booths with the two little children. Killian found himself drawn to that booth like a moth to a bloody flame, unable to keep himself away from the man while he looked so happy and relaxed.

"Afternoon, lads, lassie," Killian said as he came over.

David looked up above the blond pigtails of the girl and Killian was rather taken aback, though quite pleased, when a small smile appeared on his handsome face.

"What does that mean?" The boy asked, and David grinned and rubbed the boy's head.

"Lads means boys, and lassie is girl," David explained. "It's a funny British way of speaking."

" _Funny_?" Killian gasped. "That’s rather insulting, David, don’t you think?"

"Where's your hand?" The girl chirped, a frown on her face.

"Hope." David said sharply. "That's rude, don't-"

"But I just want to know!"

"I want to know too," The boy said gravely, turning to Killian.

"Well, you can want to know, but you can't ask," David told his children.

"It's all right, I don't mind," Killian shrugged and slipped into the booth, which got a bit of a frown but no comment from David. "I lost it when I was a few years older than your sister Emma."

"Lost it?" The girl's eyes widened. "Did it go for a walk and not come back?"

"Ah…"

"Dad," The boy tugged at David's shirt. "I need to go pee-pee."

"Ok, bud," David took hold of Hope and put her down on the booth. "Let's go. Come on, Hope."

"I want to stay."

"You can't stay," David said gently. "You can't be here alone, Granny is working."

Hope's lower lip quivered, "But I want to stay!"

"Daddy, I gotta go," The boy tugged more insistently on David's shirt.

"Can you go by yourself, Neal?"

Neal bit his lip, "No."

"I think you can-"

"No, I don't wanna!" The little boy's lower lip started quivering.

David breathed out, looking back and forth between the two kids, like he was torn in two.

"I can stay with her," Killian blurted out.

David turned to look at Killian, looking rather hopeful, "Are-are you sure?"

"Yeah, I can stay with the pirate!" Hope jumped up and down.

"He's not a pirate, he's a fisherman," David corrected softly, and then sighed, looking at Killian, who tried to give him a reassuring smile, but he was starting to regret his offer. He had no bloody clue what to do with a kid. How do you stop them from running away, what if she started crying? He almost told David that never mind, he couldn't stay with her. But then David looked at him, hopeful, and Killian felt his tongue get tied up.

"We'll be fine, yeah, lassie?" He asked the girl, and she nodded vigorously.

"Ok," David said, hesitantly. "We'll only be a few minutes. And, um, Granny is there, ok?"

He gave Killian one last look before slipping out of the booth and following his son to the bathrooms.

Killian blinked as he turned to the girl and said, "Well."

Hope grinned at him.

*

The first thing David saw when he came back from the bathroom with Neal by his side was Hope's face. She was laughing, face flush with joy as her tiny braids bumped up and down from her jumping vigorously. Curious, and slightly confused, David came up to the booth to see what was going on, and what he saw made him stop right in his tracks.

Jones had a spot of foam from David's coffee on his nose and was making a bunch of funny noises and faces to his baby girl. It made him look much softer than he had ever seemed to David, somehow more human. Giving Emma the pillbox, even after David knew that Jones knew it was made of solid gold, and now this sweet play acting for his younger daughter. Not to mention how much Emma seemed to like him.

Dammit. David was starting to not hate the fisherman.

"I didn't know you were so good with kids," David said as he slipped into the booth and kissed Hope's head. Jones jumped and picked up a napkin, wiping the foam off his nose.

"Yes, well," Killian cleared his throat, looking suddenly slightly embarrassed. "I'm a man of many hidden talents." He wiggled his eyebrows at David, who rolled his eyes and turned to Ruby, who had just come up.

The next half hour went by surprisingly quickly as David and two younger children waited for Henry to come meet them after he finished with his book club meeting. Killian (and when had David started calling him that in his head?) told them stories about being caught in storms back in England, very carefully avoiding every mention of what had brought him to the tiny town of Storybrooke. And though David was extremely curious about what would cause the man to do so, he knew better then to ask. It was none of his business. It was bad enough that Hope and Neal had asked about his hand.

Neal _did_ end up asking why Killian only wore black, to which the fisherman responded gravely, "It makes me look even more dashing then normal."

Neal seemed to be pleased by that response.

By the time Henry came to the diner, David was slumped down on the booth, Neal on his lap and Hope by his side, both leaning on the table and listening intently as Killian told them about the London Eye. David smiled at Henry and motioned him into the seat next to him.

Henry crossed his arms and turned to his dad, saying, without a greeting, "Can we go?"

David frowned, "You don't want anything? Hope and Neal both got milkshakes. You can get one as well-"

"No, I want to go home," Henry jumped back up and stormed out of the diner.

"Ah…" David blinked after his son, and sighed. He really couldn't have one hour of peace, could he? He turned to his youngest two and said, "Come on, guys. Let's get home."

He looked at Killian for a moment and mumbled a farewell.

*

"Henry!" David rushed with Hope in his arms and Neal by his side to catch up with the stomping Henry. "Henry, wait a moment."

"Let's go," Henry pounded on the backdoor of the trunk. "Open up."

"Henry, buddy," David said gently, opening the truck door to let Hope and Neal climb in to their seats. "Stop. What's wrong?"

"I just want to go home," Henry rubbed his eyes, and David saw with a pang to his heart that there were tears trying to leak their way out.

"Ok," David said gently. "We’ll go home. And then you'll tell me what happened?"

Henry blinked and suddenly collapsed into David's arms, sobbing. David sighed and rubbed the back of Henry's back, whispering soothing nothings to him. Hope and Neal were settling themselves in the backseat, so David could give all his attention to the crying boy in his arms.

"Will you tell me, Henry?" He asked gently as the tears turned soft and Henry went from bawling out to hiccupping softly.

"I just…." Henry sniffed. "Is it true that Mommy and you didn't want Emma?"

David froze and went down on one knee, "What makes you say that?"

Henry rubbed his eyes, "I found a book in the library today, during book club? It was about someone who had a kid but didn't want it because she was too young. And Mommy and you, you were even younger than the girl in the book, so…"

David's eyes widened. Was Henry allowed to just wonder around the adult book sections in the library? He certainly would want to. Henry was an intelligent and compassionate boy who always wanted to go further, to learn more then what was offered to him. But that was an issue for another day. Right now, there were much more important things that needed dealing with.

"Ok, Henry, listen to me very carefully," David said sternly. "You're right, Mommy and I were really young when Emma was born. Emma was a surprise. She was the best, best surprise that anyone could ever get. And we loved her- we loved her from the moment we learned that Mommy was pregnant. And we loved you-"

David poked Henry in the chest, feeling like he was repeating the exact same conversation he had with Hope the night before. And in a way it was. Having a absent parent- even if that absence was because of death- made it easier to doubt that parent's love. David had had the same experience with his father. The only difference being that Mary-Margaret loved her children more than anything. It was much easier to comfort a child who was doubting a very real and present love.

"-from the moment Mommy got pregnant with you. Just because we were young, and just because we didn't plan to have Emmy doesn’t mean we didn't want her. Do you understand?"

Henry nodded, and wiped his eyes, "I really miss her."

"I know," David sighed and hugged Henry tightly. "I miss her too."

As he helped Henry into the car and strapped Hope and Neal into their seats, David suddenly got the feeling that he was being watched, and turned to see Killian leaning against the diner side with a grave look on his face. He nodded softly at David with what David supposed was meant to be an encouraging smile before turning and walking away. David swallowed and turned back to the truck, wiping his teary eyes and clearing his throat to try and get himself under some semblance of control.

*

That night David had the first dream.

In it he was wondering through a jungle forest, trying to figure out a way back home. But he kept going in circles, finding himself back to the same patch in the jungle, that was free of trees. David was getting more and more frustrated. Why couldn't he navigate on his own? Why couldn’t he find his own way out?

But he couldn’t. He was entirely, completely lost and he needed help. He needed help but he didn't know who to ask, there was no one here, there was no one to ask for help-

"In a bit of pickle here, aren't you, love?"

David turned when he heard the purring voice to find Killian, dressed in his leathers and twirling around a knife of all things, leering at him.

"I…." David looked around. "Where did you come from?"

Killian laughed and pushed himself away from tree, sauntering towards David.

"You need help, darling?" Killian asked, coming up to David and putting his hands on David's chest. His touch was like ice and fire all at the same time, sending a shiver down David's spine. "I can help you."

"I don’t," David swallowed, and Killian's eyes went down to his neck. Suddenly David was slammed against one of trees and David's breath caught in his throat.

"I think you do, love," Killian murmured. "Won't you let me help you?"

"No," David gasped. "I can't. I need to get back home, to my kids-"

"They're all right," Killian leaned down, and suddenly there was a pair of lips against David's neck, and he wanted to move away from it, but found himself unable to. The lips felt soft and warm against him, and David shivered, feeling himself melt into the touch.

"Thee you go," Killian mumbled against his skin. "Let me help you."

And that was when David woke up, gasping and half-hard. He rushed to the bathroom and took a freezing cold shower, absolutely refusing to jerk off to the fading memory of Killian's lips on his skin.


	3. Chapter 3

The next month was pretty bad for David's state of mind. For one thing, he found himself, without any intention to do so, stepping out of the car every time he came to pick Emma to talk to Killian for a few minutes. He never knew why he did it, but it was…nice. Behind his cocky attitude and swagger, Killian proved to be an intelligent and thoughtful man that David quite enjoyed speaking to. At some point he started coming a bit earlier to have more time to talk to Killian while Emma cleaned herself up and got ready to go home.

He really should have stopped. He should have stopped when he realized that the jungle dream was not a one-time affair. He had another similar dream two nights later, this time taking place on what looked like a pirate ship (that one was less inexplicable), and then three days after that it was in a brightly lit forest. The forest dream was the first one that he woke up from to find himself completely hard.

Then another two days after that he woke up with soiled pants, and that became the norm, to David's dismay.

He had no idea why he was having these dreams. He hadn't had wet dreams like this since Mary-Margaret had died. He had used to have them every few months or so, and would wake up in the middle of the night and nudge his wife awake, whispering requests into her ear. It would make her laugh, and then she would wiggle underneath him, spreading her legs with a fond smile.

And sometimes it would be the other way around, and Mary-Margaret would be the one waking him up for languid, half-asleep sex. It happened quite often while Mary-Margaret was pregnant. It made her quite horny for some reason.

It made him feel guilty, the dreams. As if he was somehow betraying his wife by having wet dreams about someone else. He never had wet dreams about her, not after her death. So why was he having ones about an eyeliner-wearing fisherman he'd meant, what three times before they started? It made David feel like there was something wrong with him. He didn't need… _that_. He was fine. He had his brother and his job and his mother and the farm and his kids. Most importantly, his kids.

That was enough.

Wasn't it?

It was just, everything was going _well_. Emma seemed to be in a better mood then normal (though she still threw a fit if David tried to figure out what was going on with Regina), coming home with a bright smile on her face and returning home before curfew most nights (most nights, because David had learned that was the most you could hope for with a teen). And Henry spend a couple of nights over at the farm with his grandmother and uncle, basking in the pampering and spoiling he got there. He had returned looking like he had just come back from a relaxing trip to the spa.

So, the kids were doing well, things at work were doing well (Wilby was still in the shelter, and David felt incredibly guilty every time he walked past him), things at the farm were doing well. Everything in David's life was going well except himself.

David was jumpy, irritable and on edge most of the day. He felt heat rush through him every time Killian looked at him with his intense blue eyes and found himself irrationally angry at people at times, snapping at his brother and the various people he met throughout the day. Only his children were immune from his odd emotional state. And of course, this emotionally fragile state made him feel incredibly guilty, which just made hm feel worse, and the cycle went on and on.

By the time July came to a close David felt like he was ready to explode.

On the last Friday of the month, David came to pick Emma up, as was his costume, but found to his surprise that she was nowhere to be seen.

"Ah, David, you're rather later then usual," Killian said, jumping down to the deck with a grin, eyes moving over David in a way that made the man shiver involuntarily.

"Yeah, I got caught up at work," David replied, shaking the reaction off. "We have a cat brought in with a broken leg a few minutes before my shift was over. Where's Emma?"

"Oh," Killian hoisted himself up on the truck's hood. "She and her friend Regina have gone to Any Given Sundae-bloody ridiculous name, by the way- I let her go earlier today."

"You brought the boat back earlier?" David frowned.

Killian shrugged, "The young lady told me she wanted to take her friend out for sundaes."

David was speechless for a moment, and then he said quietly, "She didn't tell me that. Is it a date? Is she on a date? Holly shit, if this is a date then it's her first day-"

"Mate, mate," Suddenly there was a hand on his shoulder, squeezing gently. David grew rigid at the touch, a small part of his mind (the part that was not freaking out about the Emma situation) pointed out that this was the first time that Killian had ever touched him- outside of his dreams, of course, but he was very carefully avoiding thinking about _that_ \- and that it was rather pleasant. "It's a friendly dinner. Emma hasn't quite worked up the courage to ask Regina out yet."

David slumped down, groaning slightly, and glared at Killian, "She hasn’t told me that. Why did she tell you, and not me? Fuck!"

Killian jumped at David's swearing, quickly taking his hand away. A part of David missed his warmth.

"Why won't she talk to me?" David groaned, rubbing his face. "Am I such a terrible father? I'm a terrible father…"

"Wow there, love," Killian moved towards David, slipping slightly too close to be considered to be keeping a respectful distance. "You're a brilliant father, you hear me? Emma adores you, yeah?"

David swallowed, "Then why won't she talk to me about such an important part of her life?"

Killian sighed and put his hand back on David's shoulder, this time rubbing slightly, "Sometimes it's easier to talk to people who aren't as close to you about these things."

David stared at the handsome man in front of him, and found himself saying, "You're much more intelligent then you let on, aren't you?"

"Oh, I'm bloody brilliant, I know that," Killian grinned at him, and David stared back.

And stared. And then surged forward.

*

Killian only had a moment to process what was happening before David was kissing him.

David was kissing him.

And it was bloody brilliant.

His lips were maddeningly soft and tasted sweet, and he moved against Killian's like they were created to fit each other. Killian pressed David against the truck, curling his hand around the back of David's neck and tilted his head slightly downwards so he could deepen their kiss. Killian had the distinct sensation that he could keep doing this until the end of bloody time.

But then he slipped a bit of tongue into David's mouth and suddenly Killian was pushed backwards with force. He stumbled slightly, looking up to see David panting, his cheeks flushed and eyes sparkling, looking even more handsome then usual.

"David," Killian took a step forward again, but David raised his hand to stop him.

"I-I need to go get Neal and Hope," David mumbled and opened the truck door, slipping in. He was shaking slightly.

"David, wait," Killian placed his hand on the window to stop David from driving off. "Wait a moment, don't dash off."

David swallowed, "My kids need me."

"David…." Killian touched David's hair softly, and was quite pleased to see that the man did not shy away from the touch. "Wanting something for yourself is not betraying your children, love."

"I need to go," David mumbled and started the truck.

"But-"

"Killian," David's voice was sharp. "I need to go."

And then he was off.

*

He had kissed Killian.

David groaned into his steering wheel as he stopped the car in front of Neal's kindergarten. He had kissed Killian.

And it felt really good.

 _Shut up,_ David told his mind sternly _. Shut up and stop thinking about it_.

But it was too late for that. He could feel warmth spreading in his chest, a calmness he hadn't felt in weeks. David took a deep breath, trying to calm himself down before he would go in to get his son. He tried to feel angry at himself, or disappointed. And he knew that later, that was exactly how he would feel. At the moment, though, all he could feel was a sweet sense of relaxation seeping through him, and before he realized what he was doing, David was smiling softly.

He immediately stopped himself, forcing the smile off his face. David groaned again and rubbed his face.

It was wrong, how _right_ it had felt. It had been three years and three months since he had last kissed someone, and seventeen years since he had last kissed someone that wasn't Mary-Margaret. So, didn't logic dictate that it should have been awkward, and shouldn't he have forgotten how to do it probably? It didn't feel that way, it felt like kissing Killian was the most natural thing in the world, like they had been doing it for years.

And that unnerved him.

David took a deep breath and rubbed his eyes of the unshed tears that were laying in wait there. He slipped out of the truck and made his way to the kindergarten, where he found Neal playing in the sandbox.

"Daddy!" Neal looked up and rushed forward, raising his arms in expectation of being picked up. David obliged happily. It was so easier with the little ones in a way, their adoration of their father pure and uninhibited. It was really great for the ego, sometimes.

"Hi, buddy," David laughed, feeling immediately better as he twirled Neal in his arms. "Ooph! You know, you're getting too heavy for this."

Neal giggled as he was placed back down and scrunched up his nose at David, "Hi, Daddy?"

"Yeah, little man?"

Neal smiled brightly, and patted David's arm, "You look happy."

An odd feeling washed over David and he frowned down at Neal, "Do I?"

"Yeah," Neal nodded. He tilted his head, thinking for a moment, and then added, "I like it."

David felt a lump in his throat and cleared it, saying, voice slightly chocked, "Let's go get Hope and Henry, ok?"

*

When Killian saw David walking in the street he was immediately taken aback. Because, to start with, David was wearing clothes he had never seen on him before: the kind of clothes you'd expect from a farm worker, a jeans overall over a red shirt and heavy boots. And also, David walked right past without spearing him a second glance, eyes slipping off Killian to move on to something else.

"David," Killian called out, sounding, even to his own ears, rather like he was whimpering.

David turned, grinning in a sly way that Killian had never seen on David's face.

"Oh," Killian blinked. "You're…not David, are you, mate?"

Not-David snorted, "Nope. I'm James. His twin."

"Bloody hell," Killian mumbled. "There are two of you?"

The man's eyes widened, "You must be Killian, aren't you?"

Killian found himself grinning, "Ah, I see you've heard of me."

"Yeah, I have," The man raised an eyebrow.

"So, what does Emma say about me? All good things, I presume?"

James studied him and said, "Well, she did as well. But mostly I heard about you from David."

"Did you now?" Killian perked up, grinning in a way that he presumed looked rather silly. But he really would not have been able to stop himself if he tried. And he was not trying to.

David's twin studied him for a moment and then said, "Why don't we go to Granny's for a chat."

*

"So," James said as soon as Ruby had put their drinks down and left.

"So," Killian repeated and raised an eyebrow. "Mate, you were the one who wanted to speak to me, yeah?"

"Point," James snorted. "Look, let's talk about my brother."

"Let's" Killian agreed.

"You like him," James said bluntly, and Killian shrugged pathetically, unable to deny it. "And he likes you."

Killian blinked, "Is that so? Did he…say anything?"

James snorted, "You ever met my brother? He doesn’t do the whole 'talking about his feelings' thing."

"Then how do you…"

"Twin, remember?" James pointed at himself. "I know my brother."

"Wouldn't know," Killian shrugged. "Haven't ever understood my own brother."

James snorted, "We're not brothers, we're twins. Major difference. Just…keep it in mind. If you end up hurting David, I will shoot you in the face."

That got Killian's attention, "Quite hostile, aren't we?"

"Just being clear."

Killian snorted, because suddenly James sounded much more like David. He could see David not only making that threat but carrying it through if someone he cared for was in danger.

"I'm not sure you have anything to worry yourself over," Killian said quietly. "I'm quite certain David is…not interested."

"Is that what you think?"

"I…"Killian hesitated, then thought, _why not?_ And told James, "David kissed my earlier today."

James's eyes widened, "He _did_?"

"And then immediately ran away."

"Of course he did. David suffers from a bad case of self-loathing. He thinks that if anything good happens to him he's betraying Mary-Margaret."

"Yes, I figured that."

James tapped his fingers on the table as he observed Killian, and then he said, quietly, "Look. Just- I don't know what it is you want from David, but keep in mind…he's not the kind of person you can just mess around with and put aside. And if you try-"

"You'll shoot me in the face?"

"I do have a gun," James drawled. "An actual working gun."

Killian liked David's brother. He reminded Killian of Emma. They were a rather dramatic family.

*

"I didn't know you were coming over," David's mother said as he and the four children poured out of the truck.

"Yeah," David sighed. "I thought we'd stay the weekend."

His mother gave him a searching look but didn't say anything, instead telling the children to go put their bags in the rooms they always used. As the four children followed David's mother like ducklings, David sighed deeply and began meandering around the farm, enjoying the few moments of peace before the investable call from one of the kids. David went up to the cows chewing in their pastor and patted one of them gently. The animal let out a snort and shook her head.

"Hi, girl," David mumbled to the animal. "Is life treating you well?"

He had helped this cow come to life, assisting her mother in pushing her out while Mary-Margaret had watched from the side-lines with Emma on her shoulders. The two had cheered when the calf had finally come out, plummeting to the ground. Emma had been so excited…

David suddenly felt his knees give out from under him, and he collapsed to the ground, placing his hand in his mouth to stop his sobs from coming out. But it couldn't stop the tears from flowing down his cheeks, couldn't stop his body from shaking and collapsing into itself. God, he couldn't take it. He had thought that coming to the farm would calm him down, give him some time away from everything. But this was worse than at home, he couldn't take it anymore, he couldn't take this _pain_ , this _loneliness_. Why did it hurt so much?

"David."

David opened his closed eyes to find that James had come up and he was suddenly enveloped in a powerful embrace. David hiccupped into his brother's shoulder, smelling the familiar scents of farm work, feeling the familiar sensation of being held by his twin. He had always wondered if James felt the same way when David held him. He probably did.

They were twins, after all.

"It's ok, Davey," James mumbled, rubbing circles on David's back. Suddenly David was reminded of their long, long dead father. Hadn't he done that for them as well, in those rare occasions he was sober and present? "It's ok."

"It's not," David whispered. "It's _not_ , Jimmy."

James kept quiet for a moment, and then sighed deeply, "No. It's not."

David shivered and held on tighter to James, "Why won't it get easier?" He asked, knowing and not caring that he sounded like a wounded little boy. He felt like it, at that moment.

His brother hesitated and then said, "Because…. David, because you won't let it."

David jerked away from his brother's hold and blinked at him, wiping his eyes, "What are you-what do you mean?"

"Well," James said slowly, rubbing David's shoulder. It reminded David off Killian doing the same thing, but he pushed that thought away. His mind was enough of a mess already. "You've been stuck. You haven't lived your life."

"That's not true-"

"Taking care of the kids is great, David, and important and I know it's your favourite thing in the world," James said sternly. "But it's not enough, ok? You used to have Mary-Margaret, and she had you, and you two were enough for each other. But you don't have that anymore, you need other adults in your lives."

"I have you-"

"I'm your brother, I'm not a friend or…or a partner."

David grew rigid, "I don't want a partner."

"Yeah, Davey, that's bullshit," James said bluntly. "You want, you just think you shouldn’t want."

 _I shouldn’t_ , David thought, and he could tell by James's pained expression that he understood what was going on in his twin's mind. His brother moved forward to envelop David in another hug, and David clutched his brother to his chest, hard, feeling tears prick his eyes again.

"She wouldn't be mad," James whispered to him. "She's just be mad if you froze your life, you know."

And David cried and cried.

*

"Are they all asleep?"

David nodded as he closed the guest room door behind him.

"That was quick," Ruth said.

"Working at the farm is tiring," David smiled and walked with his mom down to the kitchen. "Emma's still awake. She's talking to Lily."

"Lily? Lily…"

"Her friend," David jogged her memory. "She lost he parents a few years ago, she's been living in a foster home since. I think Lily's coming back to Storybrooke for a few days at the end of August. She'll be staying with the Mills, apparently."

"That's nice," Ruth hummed. "I'm sure Emma's looking forward to that."

"Seems so," David replied, accepting a plate of homemade cookies from his mom. He stared down at them. White chocolate chip. His favourite. He wondered when Ruth had the time to make them. She must have done so at some point during the afternoon while David was working with James and the kids in the farm. It made something uncomfortable churn in David's stomach. If his mother was making his favourite cookies, it meant she was worried about him. "I think she's a little nervou-"

"David," Ruth put the towel she was holding down and walked over to sit down at the table next to her son. "Let's talk."

David sighed and rubbed his face, "What can I do for you, Mom?"

Ruth gave him a stern look that reminded David so much of Emma it almost took his breath away, and she said, "James told me what happened earlier. Do you want to talk about it?"

"About what, crying over my dead wife?" David asked bitterly. He looked up at the door that led to the backyard, wanting to jump up and rush away, like he had done as a child whenever his parents did something he didn't like.

"Honey…"

"Mom, please," David felt his fists clenching together. "I don't want to hear you say that I need to get over Mary-Margaret, that I need to _move on_ -"

"No one is saying you need to forget her, sweetheart," Ruth said gently. "No one is saying that you shouldn't miss her for the rest of your life. But that doesn't mean you can't still _live_."

"You have no right to lecture me on that," David snapped. "You've been doing the same thing since Dad died. And that was twenty-six years ago."

"Yes, I have!" Ruth slammed her fists on the table and stood up. "So you should trust me when I say that it's not worth it."

David blinked at her, "You had me and James-"

"David, my sweet, sweet son," Ruth cupped David's face in her hands and kissed his forehead. "I can never love anything more then I love you and your brother. But that doesn’t mean that I don’t regret the way I lived my life. It doesn't mean that I didn't want more of life. I still want more of life. And I know that there is nothing that _you_ love more in the world then _your_ kids. But I also know that your kids are not enough. That no kids are enough. No matter how magnificent they are. And your kids are. They are magnificent. And so were mine."

By the end of his mother's speech, David was staring at her, speechless, and so she just smiled sadly and hugged him close before telling him not to stay up too late.

*

On Monday morning, Killian found himself waiting slightly anxiously (all right, very anxiously) for the arrival of the truck. But when it came, Emma had barely stepped out of the passenger's seat before it was driving away again. Killian swore under his breath.

It seemed like he was not the one in the bad mood, as Emma stomped over with a look in her face that made Killian wonder if he should be worried that Emma might try to stab him in the eye. She looked like she might be able to do it if she so wanted.

"Morning, darling," Killian drawled, getting a murderous look in response. His smile faded and he asked, a bit more seriously, "What's wrong?"

"It's not working," Emma said, then let out a small screech that made Killian jump up. "It’s not working!"

"What's not working, young lass?"

Emma groaned and rubbed her face, "Regina. I tried asking her out but…but she thought I meant, you know, just as friends? I don't know how to ask her so she _understands_."

Oh. Killian's eyes widened as a rather ridiculous idea came to mind. It was so ridiculous it might actually have a chance of working.

"Emma," He called out to the girl. "I have a proposition for you."

Emma frowned and turned to look at him, "Yeah?"

"Hope about I help you get your courtship under way?"

"First of all," Emma pointed at him. "No one says 'court, ok? And second of all, yes please."

Killian laughed.

*

"So, ask me like I'm Regina," Killian motioned to Emma as he sat down on the bench in the engine room.

Emma took a deep breath and smiled, "Gina, would you like to go to Any Given Sundae with me?"

"Right," Killian sighed. "Is that what you asked before?"

The blond girl shuffled her feet, "Yeah? More or less."

"And she didn't understand. You're going to need to be a bit more forceful. Here, let me show you," Killian cleared his throat and pitched his voice high. "Regina, would you want to-"

"Is that supposed to sound like me?"

"Yes, now hush, young lady," Killian made a shushing motion with his hand. "Let the master show you how he works."

Emma rolled her eyes but zipped her lips closed.

"So, Regina-"

"What if she says no?" Emma interrupted again, chewing her lower lip.

Killian stopped and sighed deeply, "She might."

Emma nodded and groaned slightly.

"But you know, you won't know unless you ask. And if I were a young girl being courted by you, I would be rather charmed."

"Yeah?"

"Without a doubt, darling."

*

"So, how did it go?" Killian asked with a grin. He need not had bothered, given the spring in Emma's step and the huge grin on her face.

"I got it," Emma said. "I got a date."

"You got it?"

"I got it!" Emma whooped and jumped in the air, and Killian laughed as the girl crashed into his arms. He picked her up and twirled her around a few times, her blond ponytail hitting her face as he giggled, seeming younger than normal. "Put me down, Killian, down, down!"

"All right, lassie," Killian plumped Emma down on the boat and rubbed her head. "So? What happened?"

"I asked Regina if she wanted to go on a date with me, a real couply-date."

"You didn’t say that, did you?" Killian shook his head. "'Couply-date'?"

Emma winced, "No, yeah. I did. I might have panicked a bit. But it was ok, Gina just laughed and she said that she'd like to go on a _couply-date_ with me."

"I see, she found your bumbling to be endearing."

"Hey, so long as I got the date I don't care if Regina thinks I'm silly."

Killian smiled softly and then asked, "You're going to tell your father, aren't you?"

Emma stiffened slightly and leaned over the boat, looking down at the water.

"Emma…" Killian sighed and moved to stand next to Emma. "You need to tell him. He'd want to know."

"I don't think he would."

"Oh, bloody hell, Emma, of course he will," Killian scoffed. "You must know that."

Emma shrugged helplessly, and Killian sighed.

"Why are you hesitant to tell David?"

The blond girl chewed her lip and took a deep breath, "I don’t want him to…to be jealous."

"What?" Killian's eyes widened. "Bloody hell, Emma-"

"No, you don't understand!" Emma pounded at the boat side, shaking slightly, and Killian closed his mouth. "He's all alone, ok? He's been all alone since Mom died three years ago. And in two years, I'm going off to college and-"

"Emma, sweetheart," Killian interrupted gently. "Your father, I'm quite certain, will be ecstatic when you go off to study. And when he hears about Regina."

"No, I know," Emma sighed. "But he's also going to be all alone when that happened."

Killian sighed deeply. She was not wrong, if a bit…off. It wasn't that David would _be_ alone, it was that David _was_ alone. Killian had never seen a man so lonely surrounded by so many people that loved him.

Emma looked at Killian and sniffed, "I just want him to be happy, you know? He's sad…a lot. And it's like-it's like he gets angry at himself when he's less sad. I _hate_ it."

"I'm sure you do."

Emma's intelligent eyes bore into Killian shrewdly, and she abruptly announced, "I think…maybe he'd be less sad if he tried. Do you think you could make him less sad?"

"I'd certainly hope so." Killian said softly.

Emma nodded, looking determined, "Then I'll help you. Ok? You helped me; I’ll help you."

*

"Hi, Wilby," David smiled as the dog waggled his tail at David, and opened the kennel door. The beautiful dog (he really was beautiful), pounced right at him, making him laugh and tumble backwards onto his back. David rubbed the dog between the ears affectionately. "How are you, buddy? Have a good weekend?"

The dog's tongue came out to lick David's cheek.

"I think you missed me," David sighed. "I'm sorry you guys have to spend the weekends alone."

Wilby whimpered and licked David again. David grinned. He forgot sometimes how nice a dog could make hm feel.

"Emma loved our old dog," David told Wilby. "Henry, too. Henry used to wet his bed, and Roman would always sleep in the bed with him and would comfort him when he woke up, you know? Then he'd run to me and Mary-Margaret to let us know that Henry woke up. And when Neal was born, he'd sleep by his crib all the time and bark at anyone that got too close. I bet you'd sleep next to Hope and Neal, right? I bet they'd love having you."

Wilby wiggled his tail, like he was agreeing with David.

"Well, we have an adoption festival next weekend," David sighed. "You might find a new home then."

The dog whimpered, like he didn't like that idea. But maybe David was overreading into it.

"Maybe the people who adopt you will be a nice family with a father and mother and a few nice kids," David scratched behind Wilby's ears. "Because, you know, I don't think I'd have enough time for you."

David thought about it for a moment and sighed.

"I guess Emma and Henry would take you out on walks. Henry asked me if we could get a dog, you know? Around a year ago. God, Wilby…what am I supposed to do?"

The dog looked at him sorrowfully.

"You know, my brother James thinks I should take you home," David said. "And he _is_ my twin, so he does know me quite well. So if he thinks that I can do it, I probably can? I don’t know. I can barely take care of four kids. Can I? I mean, they are doing pretty well, aren't they?"

David was feeling rather confused. He sighed deeply and, feeling incredibly guilty, put Wilby back in his cage.

"I'll get you out of here eventually," David mumbled, and Wilby gave him last lick on his fingers. "Just give me a bit more time, bud, ok?"


	4. Chapter 4

"My Mom and Dad were fifteen when my Mom got pregnant," Emma told Killian as he steered the boat, while the rest of the crew got the nets ready.

"What?" Killian frowned at the girl. "I meant, that's interesting but-"

"If you're trying to…'court'-" Emma sighed like it caused her physical pain to say that word. "-My father, then don’t you need to know that stuff?"

"Fair point, that," Killian had to agree. For a moment he kept sailing in silence, then he asked, "Fifteen? _Really_?"

Emma nodded, "It wasn't on purpose."

"No, I'd assume that," Killian snorted, and then wanted to kick himself. "Right, no, I didn't mean-"

"It's ok," Emma shrugged. "People have said worse."

Killian felt a jolt of guilt go through him, "That must be hard."

Emma gave him a look that he couldn't really read (he wished David was there to interpret his daughter for Killian) and said, "The being raised by teenagers part or the people talking about it part?"

"Both, I suppose."

"My mom used to say that people always talk, and you can't stop them," Emma told him. "She said we should try not to let it bother us, because they'd talk if things were good and talk if things were bad, and that's just how things were in a small town."

Killian had to agree with that, "Your mother was a wise woman, wasn't she?"

Emma smiled wishfully, "Yeah, she was."

"You miss her," Killian wanted to roll his eyes at himself. What a ridiculous statement. Of course the girl missed her bloody mother.

The girl looked out into the horizon for a moment, and Killian allowed her to drift away in her mind for a few moments.

"When Mom was my age, she was already a mother," Emma frowned, as though thinking hard. "I can barely take care of myself."

"Well, don't let that get to your head," Killian grinned. "I can barely take care of myself, either."

"No, you can't," Emma said fondly, and then reached out to ruffle Killian's hair in much the same manner he had seen her do to her brother Henry. "You need someone to take care of you. My dad would never let you wear these stupid necklaces."

"Excuse me!"

Emma laughed, happy and carefree for the moment, like she had the right to expect to be every moment of her life. It broke Killian heart a bit, knowing that she did not enjoy that seemingly simple pleasure: the ability to be a child, without any greater burdens and understandings placed on her.

"Emma, you're going to tell your father about the date, yes?"

Emma bit her lip, "I don’t-"

"He needs to know," Killian chastised the girl gently, then added, slyly, "And if he heard that I knew and he didn't, he'd be rather displeased with me. And that would not be good for your project of helping me court him, would it?"

The blond teen glared at Killian, "That's below the belt."

"I never said I'm a fair fighter, darling."

*

David knew he was being a coward. He knew that he would have to face Killian sooner or later, their town was far too small to avoid someone even if your daughter wasn't spending her summer working for the person you were attempting to avoid. And he definitely wanted to control their meeting. He'd rather not have it randomly in the street. He was going to have to return to the shipyard.

But tomorrow. Not today.

During work, David got a message from Emma saying that she was meeting Regina after work, which worked perfectly for his avoid-Killian-at-all-costs plan. Surprising, though, it made a jab of disappointment go through him, but David squashed it down hurriedly. He _really_ didn't have the emotional energy for that.

Emma being taken care of, David got the three younger kids and took them to their favorite park (and yes, maybe he considered it quite improbable that Killian would go to a playground-but no, that was not the reason he took the kids there, thank you _very_ much) and settled on one of the benches while the boys went running straight towards the basketball court and Hope jumped her way to a few of her friends who were playing in the sand. David sighed and leaned backwards on the bench, keeping his eyes moving back and forth between the three children, reluctant to let any of them out of his view for more then a few moments.

He jumped slightly when his phone started ringing, and answered it without looking at the caller ID, "David here."

"Hi, Daddy."

"Emma," David sat up straight. "Everything ok? I thought you were meeting Regina?"

"What? Um, no, we're meeting later, where are you? I want to talk to you."

David felt his heart flicker with unease, "Did something happened?"

"No, no. well, nothing bad…look I want to do this face to face," Emma sounded slightly out of breath. David recognized it as her slightly-nervous voice.

"We're at the playground next to Granny's, do you want me to come get you?"

"No, Killian's driving me."

"Oh," David's eyes widened.

"Yeah, he, um, actually was the one to convince me I need to talk to you-look, we're almost here, see you in a few minutes, ok?"

"Ok-" David startled when the phone disconnected, and looked up. It only took, as Emma said, a few minutes before a black, ridiculously clean car came to a stop on the sidewalk in front of the playground and Emma stepped out from the passenger's seat. She looked around for a moment, then caught sight of her father and immediately started running towards him. David stood up and opened his arms to Emma, suddenly remembering just how _young_ she truly was. It was hard to remember, sometimes, because she was his eldest, but Emma was still, in many ways that mattered, still very much a child. David hugged his daughter and saw over his head that the driver's seat of the black car opened and Killian had walked out, and really, of-fucking-course Killian's car was _black_. Killian grinned at David and waved with his stump.

"We need to talk," Emma said, detaching herself from David. David tore his eyes away from Killian reluctantly and nodded at Emma, sitting back on the bench and patting his spot next to him for Emma to sit.

"So, what's going on, sweetie?"

Emma took a deep breath, "Don’t get mad."

"Why would I get mad?" David asked suspiciously. That was never a good start to a conversation.

"Well, you probably won’t, actually…"

"Emma," David sighed. "I'm your father, talk to me, please."

"Ok, ok," Emma rubbed her face. "I-I-have-a-date-with-Regina."

There was a moment of silence when David's mind caught up with the information, and then another when he went over it again just to make sure that he didn't make any mistake. And then it hit him.

"A date."

"Yes."

"A date-date."

"I actually call it a couply-date."

"Huh?"

"Never mind," Emma waved her hand. "Inside joke."

"Right," David took a deep breath. "You're too young for a date."

Emma glared at him, "You were younger than I was when you went on your first date."

He hadn't, actually, but Emma had no reason to know that her mother and him were not actually dating when Mary-Margaret became pregnant.

"Just because we did something doesn’t mean you should too," David snapped.

His daughter glowered at him and suddenly jumped up, "Fine! Whatever. I thought you'd want to know, but if you don't, then fine, fuck you-"

"Emma!"

"I'm going to Regina's."

"Emma…" David sighed deeply and rubbed his face. God, he wasn't doing this right at all. But Emma was right. She wasn't too young to just go on dates- but oh, God, did this mean he had do have the birds-and-the-bees talk with her again? The first one they had did not cover _this_. It really should have…"I'm sorry, you're right. Can you sit back down please?"

His daughter hesitated for a moment and then nodded, sitting stiffly back down. From the corner of his eye, David caught the amusing sight of Hope pulling Killian towards her friends in the sand box. The black-haired man looked up at David with alarm, but David focused on Emma for now. She was the one that needed him. Killian could fend for himself around a group of three-year-old kids.

Well, _maybe_ he could. It wasn't an easy task.

"Ok," David raised his hands to Emma, asking for permission to speak. Emma nodded magnanimously. "That was bad, I'm sorry. It's just…that's a big thing to spring on me, you know."

"I know," Emma mumbled.

David sighed and rubbed Emma's shoulder, "I do think you're old enough to date. If you're responsible. Ok? You'll go somewhere both of you know, and you won't stay up to late-"

"Dad, I know all that…"

"Let me finish," David raised a finger. "And I can understand if you don't want to discuss…the details with me, but I want you to talk to your grandmother, or Ruby, or Miss Zelena, whoever you feel comfortable with. But you do need to have that conversation. Clear?"

Emma blushed, "Dad, please don’t' talk about that."

"Last time I bring it up," David replied.

"I'll talk to Ruby," Emma said and wiggled around uncomfortably. "I'm pretty sure she has, um, experience in this area."

David winced; this was getting ridiculously awkward. But Emma wasn't wrong, if some particular high school memories could be believed.

"Thank you for telling me, Emmy," He told her. "I appreciate it."

Emma bit her lip, "Yeah, I almost didn't."

"Oh? Why not?" David managed to keep any hurt out of his voice if not his emotions.

"I just don't want to burden you," Emma shrugged. "You have enough on your mind."

David slumped back on the bench and took a deep breath, "Emma, I'm the father and you are the daughter. It's not your job to worry about me, it's my job to worry about you."

"But I don't want to be more of a burden then I already am."

Something cold settled into David's stomach and he sat up, grabbing Emma's hands gently, "What are you talking about? You're not a burden. You've _never_ been a burden."

"You wanted to be veterinarian, didn't you?" Emma asked, not looking at him. "But you couldn't, because it's much more expensive and you didn't have the money. And I'm sure you'd have liked to travel after you finished high school. But you couldn't do any of that, because of me."

Emma looked up and pinned her father in place with her blue eyes. But David was not having it. He broke the spell of those beautiful eyes (Mary-Margaret's eyes) and rubbed Emma's hands softly.

"I want you to listen to me very, very carefully, ok?" David said quietly, and Emma nodded. "I'm not going to lie to you. Your mother and I made sacrifices for you. We made sacrifices for all of you. But it was always worth it. There was never one moment that Mom and I didn't think it was worth it. What we got out of it was so, so much better than any trip to Europe or anything like that. Do you understand?"

That made three of his four children having crises where they doubted their mother's love for them. It broke David's heart.

Emma sniffed and collapsed into his arms. David held her firmly, rubbing slow circles over her back. Emma sighed deeply and whispered, "Tell me Mom loved me."

"Oh, baby," David closed his eyes to stop tears from coming out. "She loved you so much, so, so much. You don’t know how much she loved you, Emma, you can never know, not until you have a child of your own. Then you'll know."

Emma shivered, "Yeah?"

"Yeah," David mumbled. "And she would have been so proud of you if she could see you know. She _was_ proud of you."

"I'm sorry for being such a brat," Emma said, sounding exhausted.

"You're not a brat," David clicked his tongue. "You're the most magnificent teenager that has ever lived."

Emma snorted and detangled herself from David, "What will you say when Henry becomes a teenager?"

"Oh, he'll also be the most magnificent teenager as well," David shrugged, unbothered. "So, when are you meeting Gina?"

Emma smiled, looking hopeful and sweet, "She's waiting for me at Granny's. We're going to Every Given Sundae."

"You'll be home before curfew, clear?"

"Ten?"

"Nine thirty."

"Dad!"

"No, don't even try it," David raised a finger. "Nine thirty."

"Nine forty?"

"Fine," David relented. "Nine forty."

"Maybe nine forty-five?"

"Nine forty, young miss."

Emma rolled her eyes dramatically and stood up, giving David one last stop hug, "I'll see you at home."

"Do you want me to walk you?"

"And leave Hope, Neal and Henry with Killian? Probably not a great idea," Emma tapped David's forehead lovingly. "I'll be fine."

"I'd still rather take you."

"There's no need, Daddy."

"Are you sure-"

" _Bye_ ," Emma rolled her eyes and waved goodbye before skipping away. David watched his daughter leave, feeling rather confused as she moved on to the next stage of her life.

Without him.

Huh.

David sighed deeply and then shook his head. It was time to focus on some of the other kids.

Henry was still playing basketball with his friends, but Neal had moved to the sand box, and was…sitting on Killian's shoulders while the adult man made a sand castle.

Well. that was unexpected.

David walked over to the sand box and sat down on the edge, tickling Hope from behind, causing her to shriek out in pleasure.

"David!" Killian jumped slightly, making Neal almost slip off, but as David moved to catch Neal, Killian beat him to it, easing the boy off his shoulders gently.

"Hey! I thought you said you'd make me taller than everyone!" Neal pouted.

"Um, perhaps later, lad," Killian said, turning to look at David with a slightly embarrassed smile on his face.

David spent a few moments watching Neal and Hope play and then said quietly to Killian, "Thank you for entertaining them."

"Oh, it's no bother," Killian replied. He watched David with scrutinizing eyes, and his tongue went out for a moment to lick his lower lip, and David felt himself growing slightly hot, and knew he needed to leave before something embarrassing happened in front of his children, and at that moment he really felt like it might.

"Can we go talk for a minute?" David asked.

Killian immediately smiled, in a way that made David feel the need to add,

" _Talk_."

"Right," Killian ruffled Neal's hair and stood up, following David back to the bench where he had sat before.

*

"So…" Killian sat down next to David on the bench. He noticed how the man's eyes went back and forth between him and the two children. The childish, obnoxious part of his personality was slightly jealous, wanting all of David's attention on him. But the rest of him understood that that was just what David was like, and who he was. He was a farther. That was the most important part of his life and that would never change. And besides, Killian himself found his eyes wondering to Neal and Hope, just to make sure that they were still in the position they were left in.

"I wanted to apologize."

Killian frowned, "Whatever for?"

David scratched the back of his neck, looking distinctly embarrassed. He looked distinctly adorable, "For kissing you."

"What."

"I…I'm sorry, I shouldn't have done that," David took a deep breath. "Without asking, I mean."

Killian was not charmed. He absolutely was _not_.

"I'm sorry, what was that?" Killian blinked at David. "Did you just-bloody hell David, when I called you Prince Charming, I didn't actually mean for you to be _this_ much of a prince charming. David. Don't bloody apologize for kissing me, it was rather brilliant."

All right, maybe he was a _little_ bit charmed.

"Well, um, I should have asked before-"

Killian wanted to smack his head on something hard. Instead he scooched closer to David on the bench and purred, "I thought I had made it quite clear from the moment we met that I very much wanted to…kiss you. So, why would I complain when you end up making the first move, taking away the need to do so from me?"

David looked at Killian for a second and then smiled softly, which made Killian smile as well. It was impossible not to.

For a moment they stared at each other, and then Killian started moving a bit forward, and heard David's breath catch, so he moved a bit more forward, closer and closer-

"Dad! Daddy!"

David jumped away from Killian and turned towards the sandbox, "What's wrong?"

"Neal threw sand on me!" The girl screamed as she shook her head free of sand, eyes already fulling with tears.

"No, I didn't!"

"Yes, you did!"

"Ok, ok," David jumped up and ran to the kids. "Hold your horses."

Killian smirked to himself and leaned back on the bench, watching as David chastised Neal for throwing sand on his sister. Eventually the children relaxed and went back to playing, at which point a sighing David walked back to the bench and picked up the children's bags and his own from the bench and looked down at Killian.

"The kids are getting tired, I need to get them home," David said. He hesitated for a moment and then said, "What's your phone number?"

Something fluttered in Killian's chest and he took his phone out, "Here, put your number in and I'll call you."

They exchanged numbers and David said, "Since my daughter is spending most of her time with you, I should probably have a way to contact you. If I need it."

Killian didn't really mind what reason David had for letting Killian have his number. The only thing that mattered to him was that he had gotten it.

"Well, I'll see you tomorrow when I bring Emma."

"I'll be waiting with baited breath," Killian said, which got a fond roll of the eyes from David. He counted that as a major victory.

*

David tapped the counter, once, twice, three times, and suddenly he couldn't take it anymore and picked the phone up again.

"James," David said as soon as his brother answered. "She's still not here."

"Ok, that's it!" James said in a decisive voice. "You're not calling me anymore."

"But-"

"No, David, enough, calm your tits and maybe, I dunno, read a book? Watch a movie? Exercise on that treadmill you got," James said sternly. "Don't call me anymore, because if you do, I might kill you when we meet next time. David, you've been calling ever three minutes. You know what? Because you're my brother and for some inexplicable reason I love you, you can call me in five minutes."

"Four?"

"Five, Davey. _Bye_."

James ended the call and David sighed deeply. He looked at his list of contacts, trying to find someone else to call. His mother was probably getting ready for bed right now, and he didn't want to bother her. The same went for Leopold and Eva, Mary-Margaret's parents, even if he did want to ask them for help, which he didn't. David hated bothering Leopold and Eva. They had taken Mary-Margaret's death even harder then him, sequestering themselves in their expensive, countryside manor and rarely coming out.

Sighing, David's eyes wondered down to one of the numbers. He bit his lip. He really shouldn't call him, it was inappropriate.

David stared at the number. And then, as though unable to stop himself, called it.

"David?"

"Emma's late."

There was a moment of silence from Killian's side of the conversation and then the man let out an amused laughter. It made David grind his teeth together. This wasn't funny!

"From the date?"

"Yes, from the fucking date! I told her to be home at nine forty-"

"David, it's nine forty-two."

"Right," David sat up, glad that Killian seemed to understand. "Which means she's late."

"By two bloody minutes."

Oh. Ok, maybe he didn't understand.

"I know, but still, she's not normally late-"

"She's not normally on a date," Killian said dryly. "And if you're calling me to find out about date etiquette then I can assure you that it's a good sign that it's gone off schedule."

David tapped the counter again and looked up at the closed doors that led to the two kids' rooms, "I'm actually not entirely sure why I called you."

"No?" He could hear Killian sitting up.

"Well," David sighed. "I've been calling my brother every so often and he told me in no uncertain terms that if I call him again, he will kill me next time we me. So…."

"So, you called me? Not that I'm complaining, David-because I'm _certainly_ not, but don't you have friends you can call for that sort of thing? Other than me, though I understand why I'd be your first choice, my voice is rather soothing."

"You have an ego the size of the entire state of Maine, Killian."

"Mate, my ego is neither too big nor too small, it's exactly right."

"That sounds like Goldilocks."

"Ah, yeah. Your daughter actually had me tell her the story today," Killian said nonchalantly. "But going back to my original question, yeah?"

"Huh?" David blinked. He had been slightly flabbergasted by the mental image of Killian telling Hope the story of Goldilocks. It was a nice image, if a bit strange. "What question?"

"The question of friends," Killian clarified.

"Oh," David looks at his watch again. Ten minutes late now. "I don’t think I really have any."

"Why bloody not?" Killian asked, sounding almost insulted on David's behalf.

David shrugged, "I had Emma in high school, it's not like I had the time for them. And besides, they were worried about things I really didn't care about anymore and they _definitely_ didn't want to hear about things like Emma's teething."

"Right. But you must have things in common with them _now_. Aren't they all having popping out their own children right about this time?"

"Yeah, well," David rubbed his forehead. "I don’t know, I guess I never bothered to rekindle my friendships. There wasn't really any point. I had Mary-Margaret."

"Yeah, but mate, who did you go to the pub with?"

"I don't really drink, so that's not an issue," David swallowed. He didn't like to think about the bar.

"You don't-bloody hell, David…"

"Look," David snapped. "Forget that. I have a much bigger problem right now-"

"David, love…"

"She's twelve minutes late!"

"Oh, the horror…"

David was about to reply, probably with one kind of swear word or another, but just then he heard a key turn in the lock of the front door and jumped slightly in the air.

"She's here, bye," He whispered hurriedly to Killian and finished the call the moment Emma walked into the loft.

She looked…happy. Brightly, sweetly, happy. She was shining like the sun.

"How did it go?"

Emma startled for a moment, then relaxed, "You've been sitting there waiting? How long?"

"Just since I put Hope and Neal to bed."

Emma rolled her eyes as she looked up at the clock, "So-like an hour?"

"Give or take," A part of David _really_ wanted to chastise Emma for being late, but the more rational part of his mind knew that would be a very bad idea if the goal was to get Emma to talk to him. And maybe Killian was right. Maybe twelve minutes wasn't such a big deal. So he patted the stool next to him and waited for Emma to sit next to him.

"So," He rubbed his hands. "It went well, I take it?"

Emma jerked her head to look at David, "How did you know?"

David snorted, "Because that look you have on your face right now is the same face you had on when we surprised you with a trip to Disneyland."

Emma giggled, "It was fun."

"Disneyland?"

"The date!"

"What, Disneyland wasn't fun? You know, your mother and I spend a lot of money for that trip-"

" _Dad_ , stop," Emma groaned, but she was smiling.

"All right, sorry," David pushed some of Emma's stray hair out of her eyes. He looked at his daughter for a moment and smiled.

"Also, wasn't the Disneyland trip a gift from Grandma Eva and Grandpa Leopold?"

"Point Emma."

Emma sighed deeply and put her head on the counter, mumbling, "We went to get ice cream and then to the beach and then to Granny's for dinner."

David hid a smile. That was the typical Storybrooke date. David and Mary-Margaret had gone to the same exact date more times then he could count. There weren't that many options in Storybrooke. You could go to the bar, you could go to Every Given Sundae, you could go to Granny's, or you could take a romantic walk by the beach. Unless you were willing to drive to one of the neighboring towns, that was pretty much it.

But he wasn't going to tell Emma that. No reason to take the shine off her first date.

Oh God. Her first date. His baby had gone on her _first date_. Hadn't she been a baby a minute ago? Hadn't he read her bedtime stories like, yesterday? When did she get _big_?

And she was so beautiful, she had her mother's eyes, her mother's intelligent look. David felt the familiar grief well up in him. It wasn't fair that Mary-Margaret didn't get to see Emma grow up, see her become older and more beautiful.

"You're beautiful, honey," David interrupted Emma's explanation of the litter of kittens she and Regina had found on the beach.

"Dad," Emma mumbled, embarrassed. " _Stop_."

"What?" David demanded. "I'm not allowed to give my daughter a compliment?"

Emma blushed and hugged on to her father, "You're so embarrassing, Daddy."

"I'm your father, that's my job."

Snorting, Emma stood up from her chair and leaned over to kiss David on the cheek, "Goodnight, Dad."

"Goodnight, sweetheart," David pulled Emma into a hug, which she returned but disengaged from rather quickly. David sighed, stopping himself from pulling Emma into a second hug.

*

Killian sat spread out on his bed, toying with the phone in his hands. He had been sitting like that for over an hour, waiting for…something. He wasn't entirely sure what that something was. It wasn't as if there was much of a chance of David calling him again, was there? Emma had returned from her date, there was nothing else David could want from Killian. He didn't need to be comforted and calmed from the parental worry that seemed to wrap itself around the man most of his waking hours.

Groaning, Killian slumped back down on the bed. Bloody hell, he was getting pathetic. A bit like a stray dog, desperate for any attention. Every look, every word, every time David turned to him felt like it had the power to stop his breathing, to render him speechless. It was ridiculous.

It wasn't like he had an actual chance with David, was there? Even if David didn't hate him per say, even if he seemed to be growing slightly fonder of him, he didn't actually know Killian. He didn't know the dark, ugly parts of Killian's soul, nor his history. What had chased him away from his home, what made it so he could never return.

What made it so he was not worthy of any affection David showed him. Nor not worthy of the affections of those children.

He shouldn't allow himself anywhere near them. He'd just soil their purity and goodness with his presence. He was being selfish by allowing Emma so close to him. She shouldn't be listening to his advice, nor looking to him for support. There were so many worthier people.

Killian groaned and took another swing of the already half empty bottle of rum on his night table. He was half-drunk, but that was not enough. He wanted to be fully drunk, drunk enough so that he didn't need to think, he didn’t need to remember. He wanted to be so drunk that time folded on itself and he didn't know if he was living in the time before Liam's death or the time after.

Hiccupping, Killian groaned and huddled into himself. Bloody hell, it hurt. Life _hurt_. It hurt so desperately he wanted to somehow cut it out of himself. He wanted to be with his brother, he wanted to be with his father. But he could have neither. All he had was a bottle of rum and a pining for a man he didn't deserve.

But he wanted him, he wanted him so, so badly. He couldn't remember the last time he had ever wanted something so desperately. To be perfectly frank, Killian couldn't remember if he had _ever_ wanted someone for more then a fortnight or two. He thought he could want David for the rest of his life.

But he really should not have wanted that. Killian groaned again and picked his bottle up to take another swing.

And that was when the phone started ringing. The bottle froze on the way to Killian's mouth and he quickly placed it back on the table, scrambling to find the phone. He leaned down, thinking maybe the phone was on the floor, but he hit his head on the table and groaned loudly, rubbing his head as he rubbed his pounding forehead.

"Bloody fucking hell," Killian groaned, eyes blurry and body uncoordinated, and slumped down on the floor, back to his bed, and found the phone lodged under it. Panic growing that he wouldn't be able to answer on time, Killian pressed the right button and put the phone to his ear, "'Ello?"

There was a moment of silence and then David said, sounding uncertain, "Killian?"

"Dave!" Killian jumped up. Or at least tried. What actually happened was that his legs buckled up from under him as he tried to stand and he slumped back down on the bed, his back hitting the mattress hard and he groaned.

"Killian, are you all right?" David sounded like he was standing up. "Did you just fall?"

"Um, only a little, love," Killian groaned. Then he rubbed his eyes slightly. "I didn't think you would call."

He could hear David breathing for a moment and then the man said, "I was going to call right after Emma came back, but Hope wet the bed and I had to get her back to sleep. It was a mess. I'm sorry, I shouldn't have called you, I probably woke you up…."

"No, I was awake," Killian mumbled. "I'm glad you called. You sound rather attractive over the phone. Did you know that? I think you might get me hard just from talking."

Another moment of silence, then David sighed.

"Killian, have you been drinking?"

Killian hummed, "Just a bit."

"'Just a bit'?" Killian could hear a controlled fury in David's voice.

"David, mate-"

"Go to sleep, _mate_."

Killian opened his mouth to replay, only to hear the beeping sound that let him know that David had disconnected the call.

"Bloody brilliant, Killian," Killian groaned. "Bloody fucking brilliant."


	5. Chapter 5

Killian woke up the next morning around an hour earlier then he needed to. His head was pounding, but not too much so. He groaned, rubbing his forehead as he struggled out from under his covers and of the bed. Eyes bleary and mind slightly confused, Killian made his way wobblingly to the bathroom and stepped into the shower. Only after he had started the water did he remember that he hadn't bothered to take his clothes off.

Killian groaned again and hit his head on the tiled wall lightly. Bloody hell, this was a bad start for the day. Killian peeled his now drenched clothes off and threw them on the floor outside of the shower. He let the freezing cold water wash over him, cooling his warm body. Killian took a deep breath, eyes closing. He thought about the night before, about David calling him to tell him about Emma, about the moment of shivering pleasure when he realized that David wanted to talk to him. And then his alcohol riddled brain had ruined the rather lovely moment.

Killian frowned, thinking about David's reaction. It had been a bit…over the top, hasn't it? After all, Killian was home alone and _David_ had been the one to call _him_ , why couldn't he be allowed to drink, and why would David expect that of him?

It was almost like David didn't like people drinking at all. And Killian didn't know if he could handle spending time around a man who not only wouldn't drink but might get mad at him for drinking. Killian nodded to himself. Right then. So that was the lid closing on the coffin of that particular infatuation.

Killian closed his eyes, and immediately all he could see was David's bloody handsome face, smiling at Killian from inside the truck and-

And bloody hell, Killian was getting hard. The captain rolled his eyes, placing one hand on the wall to steady himself. He hunched down and placed his hand gently on his cock, moving his thumb over the pink tip. Killian let out a soft groan from deep inside his throat as he rubbed back and forth on the tip, sending a shiver down his spine. He made a circle with his thumb and index finger and began moving them up and down his length. He moved slowly for a few moments, feeling himself grow slightly harder. He started moving quicker and quicker, water pounding on his now fully hard cock.

As Killian closed his eyes, an image immediately pushed itself into his mind. David, of course it was bloody David, what else could it be? In his mind, David was laying down on the deck in Killian's ship, wearing nothing but a white T-shirt. Killian could see the sea moving behind David as the man looked up at him, eyes wide.

Killian groaned louder, feeling as if every drop of water was like an electric shock on his flesh, energizing and invigorating him. He hadn't felt this aroused in a while. He imagined himself walking towards David. In his mind, David pushed himself up by his arms, waiting for Killian to come up to him.

"David," Killian mumbled, squeezing his cock powerfully.

In his mind Killian pushed David back down. Even in his imagination he couldn't truly imagine David simply letting himself go down without a fight, and he got a glare for his efforts. But down he did go, and Killian moved over David's muscled body, slithering up to David's neck, pressing his lips to the man's flesh. David whimpered, and Killian felt the man's cock grow under him. This fantasy was becoming a bit too realistic.

But effective. As Killian imagined David shiver and move underneath him like a bloody beautiful fish, Killian came both in his fantasy and in reality, spilling both into the shower floor and in between David's thighs.

Killian managed to hold on to his fantasy just long enough to imagine David growing rigid under him and yelling as he came as well. Killian slumped against the wall, breathing hard and fast and let out a small laugh that even to his ears sounded rather bitter.

He stepped out of the shower and dried himself off before moving back to the bedroom, where a look at the clock revealed that he had spent an inordinate amount of time under the water and he needed to get a move on. Killian dressed quickly before leaving the apartment and locking it behind him. He drove to the shipyard and smiled when he saw the _Jolly Roger_.

"Hello, beautiful," Killian murmured to his beloved ship, feeling slightly better as he caressed her gently. He could almost feel the vessel hum in response, like a pet purring at attention. Though Killian always thought of a ship more like a temperamental lover that needed to be cajoled and treated with careful handling so she didn't throw a fit. Most of his lovers had been like that, a constant but unimportant struggle. It had never actually mattered much, other then to his ego, if he managed to keep his lovers.

Killian rolled his eyes. He wasn't going to think about David right now. For a start, David was not his lover, no matter how much he wanted him to be. Not to mention that he really couldn't spent all his days and nights wrapped up in David (which brought up the mental image of being physically wrapped up in David, which was not an unpleasant prospect in the slightest). He had work that needed doing, and a state of mind that needed to be maintained in as close a state to functioning as possible.

He did quite well for a while, his beloved _Jolly Roger_ keeping him quite engaged as his crew joined him one by one and they prepared her for the day's voyage. Milah and Smee kept sending looks his way that made it clear that they knew, from his slightly frantic behavior, that he was purposely keeping something out of his mind, but Killian just sent them withering looks, getting a raised eyebrow and amused look from Milah and a slightly worried frown from Smee for his efforts. But it was enough to prevent them from actually asking him what was on his mind.

His 'don't think about David' mission was declared a resounding failure as soon as the time when David usually brought Emma began drawing close. Around half an hour before David was due Killian started looking up every few moments to see if the red truck had showed up already. It hadn't. Not the first time Killian looked up, not the second time, nor the third. But the fourth time Killian looked up, he saw the familiar vehicle stopping on the dock. Immediately his heart leapt rather pathetically in his chest, and then started fluttering hard when the driver's door opened and David walked out.

Killian was too far away to see David's expression, but by the rigid way he was leaning against the truck's side, Killian got an uneasy feeling in his stomach. It became worse when Emma did not appear. David had come alone.

"Smee, give me a moment, yeah?" Killian mumbled to his First Mate without looking at him and made his way off the boat and towards David.

David looked up at Killian, and now that Killian could his expression, he was more then slightly concerned. David's face was pale and there were circles under his eyes indicating that he had not slept well at all during the night. His left hand was clutched in his right, tight enough so his knuckles were white.

"David," Killian mumbled. "Bad night?"

David took a deep breath and said, his voice cracking slightly, "I need to know you're not going to be getting drunk in front of my daughter."

There was something in David's eyes that made Killian almost shiver outright, it looked so haunted. As if David had spent the night being followed around by old, old ghosts. He would have felt sympathy for the man if he wasn't so busy feeling hurt and insulted.

"What kind of bloody-of course I'm not going to drink in front of your daughter," Killian growled. "What kind of tosser do you think I am?"

David's eyes grew hard, "I don’t know. I don’t really know you, do I, Killian? I should never have allowed Emma to work with you-"

"I'm not a drunkard."

The blond closed his mouth as Killian interrupted him. Killian could feel cold fury grow in him.

"You think, what, that because I'm a fisherman, because I'm not an educated man, that I must also be a drunk?"

"No, I think you might be a drunk because you _were_ drunk, yesterday."

"Not that this is any of your business, mate, but I don’t actually drink that often," Killian sneered. "And drinking once in a while doesn’t make one a drunk."

"I know that-"

"Do you? I don’t think you do. What, do you think if you have one glass or two you'll begin a downwards spiral that will lead to death and destruction?"

David flinched.

"Oh," Killian said softly, suddenly understanding. He cleared his throat. "Who was it, then?"

"Who was what?"

"Come now," Killian said gently. "Don't play coy with me. Who was it that drank too much, in your life? Mother, father, some older sibling?"

David watched him for a moment, his eyes unreadable, and he suddenly collapsed against the truck's side, as though he no longer had the strength to keep himself upright.

"My dad," He said, voice crackling slightly. David cleared his throat and rubbed his eyes.

"I'm sorry."

David shrugged, helplessly, "It was a long time ago. He's dead now."

"Heroine. That was _my_ father's drug of choice."

Killian wasn't sure which of the two of them seemed more startled. He hadn't planned on telling David that. He hadn't actually come out outright and told somebody about his father for…perhaps ever. Those who knew were those who had seen his father at his worse. Even Smee didn't know about this. And Milah only knew because she had met his foster parents when he first joined her husband's fishing boat.

"I'm sorry," David said softly, and Killian mirrored the man's shrug.

"It was a long time ago, as well."

David watched him for a moment and then sighed deeply, "My dad used to gamble. When he was drunk, he gambled badly. And when he was losing money, he drank. And after he lost all our money in Portland he'd drive back and go straight to the bar to drink some more."

"I don’t think mine gambled," Killian thought for a moment. "Mostly he just went out and came home high as a kite."

David let out a humorless laughter, "What a charming topic to bond over."

"I'll take what I can get with you," Killian once again spoke without actually planning on doing so. For a moment David stared at him, and then he smiled, softly.

"I'm sorry for being such a dick," David said. "I'm going back home to get Emma. I left her in charge of all three and I don't know how long I can safely stay away before the house catches fire again."

"Yeah, I suppose-wait, _again_?"

David shrugged, climbing into his truck, "Hope decided to make eggs the last time I left her with Emma alone. She just forgot that you shouldn't leave the towel on top of the pan."

"Bloody hell…"

The blond gave Killian a slightly larger, more genuine smile, before revving up his truck and then he was on his way. Killian watched the truck leave, eyes following the vehicle for as long as he could, as though afraid something might happen to its driver if he let his eyes wonder away for more than a moment or two.

*

"Oh my God," David said dully, more then a little stunned as Henry, wearing a smile that seemed almost too large for a human face, waltzed over, proudly holding a book so large it hid his entire chest behind it.

"Cool, huh?" Henry grinned, then shoved the book at his father. "Can you hold it for a second? It's kinda heavy."

"It looks like it," David accepted the book and looked at it curiously. It was bound in brown leather with the words _'Once Upon A Time'_ itched on it in gold. "Did you take it out of the library? I didn't know they had leather-bound books there."

Henry shook his head, "We were cleaning the school basement today. I found it in some boxes there. Miss Jasmine said I could take it. It's a book of fairy tales. Did you know that in the original Cinderella story she had birds _blind_ her step-sisters?"

"Yeah, I did, actually," David replied and put a hand around Henry's shoulder. "But I'm not sure it's appropriate for your age to read."

"Well, it's too late for that," Henry said brightly. "I already read all of the stories in them. So you might as well let me keep it."

David wasn't sure it that logic quite held up, but it was really hard to deny Henry anything when he had that swaggering grin on his face. David couldn't help it. Henry was hilarious sometimes. Hilarious and adorable.

"Fine, fine," David motioned Henry to turn around and put the book in Henry's bag. "But you're carrying it."

"Deal," Henry beamed.

"So," David said. "Emma is at work and then she's meeting Augustus, Hope and Neal are both going to friends. It's just you and me for the afternoon."

Henry perked up, "Really? Just us?"

"Just us."

"Well…then let's go to the beach, ok?" Henry grabbed David's hand and tugged him along, they walked in silence for a few moments before Henry asked, "You should read Neal and Hope the book at night."

David grinned, "I'd rather just tell them stories. Besides, the actual Grimm's fairy tales are _really_ inappropriate for Hope and Neal."

"Point Dad," Henry hummed. "So, you know those fairy tale stories that you tell us?"

"Aha?"

"Did _your_ dad tell you those stories too?"

For a moment David was tempted to lie, but he knew better.

"Not really," David told his son. "Maybe when I was very young, but I don’t remember."

Henry seemed to think about that for a moment and then he said, "That's really sad, Dad."

David tightened his hold on Henry's hand, "Yeah." He almost said that at least he had his mother, but that would have been a stupid thing to say. Henry knew perfectly well that the presence of one parent did not make up for the absence of another.

"Hey, I have a question," Henry said.

"I'm listening."

"Ok, so: if you were a character from a fairy tale, who would you be?"

David laughed.

"Prince Charming, I think."

*

Henry and David settled themselves on the stones overlooking the ocean, with Henry pressed against David's side. He hadn't let go of his father's for almost the entire walk over, talking quietly but consistently in a very Henry-like way. David could have spent days listening to his son's tales of school, interjecting here and there with a comment or question that let Henry know his father was very much engaged in him.

Eventually, though, Henry's eyes wondered to the pathway and he pointed, "Look."

David turned and felt a flatter in his chest. Killian was walking quickly, a satchel bouncing on his side and a phone in his hand. He was looking down at his phone with a small frown on his face, but then he looked up, caught sight of David and smiled. David swallowed. He really, _really_ hoped that Henry couldn't read that smile.

"Are you following me, love? Because we seem to be running into one another quite a bit," Killian purred as he came up to them.

David wondered to himself when it had stopped bothering him that Killian called him 'love', "No, Killian. I'm not following you. We just live in a very small town and you see the same people over and over again."

"Well, I've only noticed that happening with you," Killian replied, and there was something in his eyes that made David think there was a somewhat deep meaning to that statement. But before he could puzzle it out Henry stood up, drawing David's attention back to the ten year old. 

"Mr. Jones," Henry looked at Killian with an oddly mature suspicion in his eyes before moving up to lean against his father. David might have been imagining things a bit, but he thought Henry's stance was slightly on the protective side.

Great. Make that _two_ kids who felt the need to shield him from things. Or maybe he was reading too much into things. Yeah, that was very likely.

"It's captain, actually," Killian grinned and moved closer to David, but then his foot hit a small pebble the wrong way and he slipped slightly. Automatically David moved forward and grabbed at the black-haired man to prevent him from falling. He felt Killian's body rest against his for half a moment and his heart pounded faster as Killian's fingers trailed David's chest lightly and the man give him a sly grin. But then Killian moved away and let out a sharp swear world, looking down at the satchel on his side, which was now wide open.

"Bloody hell, where's my sextant?" The captain mumbled, still leaning against David. He didn't seem to want to move. David didn’t seem to want him to move either.

"What's this?" David and Killian jumped at Henry's voice. David pushed Killian away gently and turned to his son, who was holding the golden device up with a curious frown.

"That, my boy, is a sextant," Killian said proudly, leaning over David to take a look at it. "It's a tool used by sailors to navigate."

"Like a GPS?" Henry looked up.

"…Aye," Killian sighed. "Though it takes a much higher skill level to use."

"Cool," Henry flipped the device over in his hand.

"You can take a look at it if you want," Killian told Henry, eyes going back to David.

"Really?"

"Aye, lad," Killian nodded, distracted, and sat down next to David. Without really planning on doing so, David shuffled closer to him.

For a moment they sat there motionless, and then David felt a finger began to caress his knuckles gently. He looked down to see Killian's index finger dancing over his flesh and watched, hypnotized, as the finger moved and his body relaxed, as if lolled into sleep by a siren call.

"Are you all right?" Killian asked quietly.

David blinked up at him, and for a moment became slightly lost in his dazzling blue eyes. He cleared his throat and asked, "Why wouldn't I be?"

"This morning?" Killian raised an eyebrow.

"Oh, right, sorry about that," David winced at the reminder. He had been quite unfair that morning. Really, who was he to assume that Killian had a drinking problem? He didn't know him-

 _But I want to,_ David realized as Killian tilted his head slightly, studying him. Maybe James had been right when he told David that he wanted a partner, he just didn’t think he was allowed to want one. It was a nice thought, that he could have that, but David couldn’t effort to think like that. He didn't want the disappointment.

"David, I want you to go on a date with me tonight."

Automatically, David's eyes moved to Henry, to make sure he's not paying attention. But his son was still engrossed in the sextant, moving it up and down, he looked quite interested-David's mind came to a screeching halt.

"What did you just say?"

Killian didn't even look worried, like he knew exactly what David's answer was going to be.

"I said," Killian moved closer, whispering into David's ear. "Let me take you out tonight."

"I-" _Say yes_ , a voice whispered in his mind, a voice that sounded like Jimmy at his most exasperated. _Just say fucking yes_. "I can't. The kids-"

"Emma can babysit tonight."

David jerked backwards a bit, eyes widening, "How-did you ask my daughter if she can watch the kids so you could take me on a date?"

"Actually, Emma came into the boat this morning and announced to me that she was staying home tonight to watch over her siblings and I'm free to do whatever I want with that information."

David snorted.

"She's in the throes of her first love," Killian shrugged. "She wants to see it spread."

He placed his whole hand over David's, warming him up.

"So," He said quietly. "Children taken care of, the only reason you'd have to say no would be because you wouldn't wish it. Which I know it not true, is it? So, there really isn’t a reason to refuse me."

"You're quite sure of yourself, aren't you?"

Killian shrugged, unperturbed, "When I have cause to be."

David snorted.

"So, when shall I come get you?"

David hid his face in his hands to hide his rather childish blush and mumbled, "Nine thirty? The three youngest should be asleep by then."

"As you wish, love."

David put his hands down and Killian surged forward, kissing him gently on the forehead. Before David could react, Killian had asked Henry for the sextant back and was on his way.

"Daddy?" Henry shuffled over to him. "Can we go run after seagulls now?"

"Sure," David croaked. "Let's go do that."

It might help reduce the heat growing in his groin, if nothing else.


	6. Chapter 6

"Zelena told me she's considering calling her baby _Pistachio_."

"Robin's not going to let her," David said confidently, frowning at Hope as she came up to the counter.

"Yeah, but Davey, she _wanted_ to. You're sure you want someone like that being in charge of your daughter's education?"

David snorted, tucking his phone under his chin as he began washing dishes, "You know, Jimmy, it's rather surprising but the kids actually really like Zelena. She's a good teacher. Slightly eccentric, maybe…"

"Slightly."

"Well, ok," David shrugged. "More then slight-Hope put that down right now!"

"Though, she told me that as long as the baby's not named Marian she'd be happy."

"Why would Robin want to name his child after his ex-wife?" David groaned and plucked the knife from Hope's hand. "I told you to put that down. To the living room with you."

"You think I understand that woman? She trapped me at the line in the supermarket and started talking about her arguments with Robin about baby names and also asked me to start meditating. And when I said no-"

"She told you that you were 'ruining her chi'?" David guessed, his hands immediately going up dramatically in an attempt to copy Zelena's mannerisms.

"Yeah, that. She's such a weird woman. By the way, Mom wants to know if I should bring a pie over tonight?"

"Wait, what?" David stopped washing the dishes again to both puzzle over his brother's words and stop Hope from trying to pick up the knife _again_. "Hope, what do you even _want_ with a knife?"

"I'm coming over to help Emma watch the kids tonight when you go on your date."

"I want to make Neal leave Mrs. Rabbit," Hope explained.

"There's no reason for you to come over, it's fine," David said to James before turning to Hope with a stern look. "Scaring your brother with a knife is not a solution."

"David, what is going on?" James snorted. "Is Hope attempting to commit fratricide?"

"Seems like." David said dryly. "Neal, give the stuffed bunny back to Hope. You have enough of your own. And you, Hope, never threaten Neal with a knife. It's dangerous, ok?"

"Can I scare Henry with one?" Hope asked as she accepted her battered bunny from Neal and hugged it, looking more like an adorable little girl and less like a potential murderer.

" _No_ ," David said sharply. "James, how do you know-"

"Emma told me," James said cheerfully. "She was very pleased with herself for setting it up. And I thought you'd feel more comfortable if I was there to watch the kids. Also, I haven't sent you on a date in seventeen years. It's part of my older-brother duties to be there."

"Jimmy. You're twelve minutes older than me," David rolled his eyes. "You know what, never mind."

"So I'll see you at eight tonight?"

David sighed and rubbed his eyes, "Fine. Yes. Fine."

"Attaboy."

"Fuck off, Jimmy," David mumbled, low enough that neither of the children in the living room could hear.

*

Killian wasn’t exactly nervous, per say. He was just slightly apprehensive. What if one of the children wasn't asleep yet and David couldn't leave? Or what if David allowed his fear to get the better of him and turned Killian away? Or what if he didn't enjoy the date Killian had planned-

No, yes, he was nervous. Quite nervous.

Killian groaned and thumped his head on the table in front of him.

"What's wrong with you?" Milah asked as she came into the engine room. "And why are you still here? Haven't you gone home already?"

"Came back," Killian mumbled, sitting back in his seat. "What are _you_ still doing here, hmm?"

Milah shrugged and moved over to the fridge to get a few bottles of water. She handed one to Killian and sat down in front of him, sipping from her own. She looked at Killian for a moment and then said, "Did you get the date?"

Killian raised an eyebrow and spread his hands, "You do realize who you're asking that?"

"I'll take that as a yes," Milah snorted. She looked at Killian shrewdly and said, "I haven’t seen you this nervous since we first moved here."

"Is that so?"

"It's rather sweet."

Killian gave Milah the finger, and she laughed, "Not that I blame you. He is a rather appealing specimen, is he not? If you hadn't seemed that invested in him I would have considered making a move."

"Don’t get any ideas," Killian replied, finding his voice was much more severe than he had intended it to. But he didn't like the mental image of Milah trying to seduce David. He did not like it _at all_.

Milah's smile faded and she said, a serious look in her eyes, "You rather like him, don't you?"

"Yes," Killian swallowed. "I rather do."

"I'm glad," Milah said gently and Killian blinked, rather taken aback. She rolled her eyes slightly and said dryly, "You must know that I am invested in your happiness and wellbeing? Otherwise why would I be here?"

Killian shrugged, trying to keep the uncomfortable feelings he was experiencing out of his face, "I'd rather assumed you were attempting to get as far away from your family as possible."

Milah snorted and said, "Please. I don't need to escape to America to get away from my family. I haven't talked to them in years."

Killian watched Milah for a moment, and cleared his throat, "Right."

"So…I'm here for you," Milah watched Killian intently. "As is Smee, of course. I really thought you knew this."

He hadn't. Not really. He had just assumed the two had ulterior motives that he did not know of. The thought that they were here solely for him had quite honestly never passed through his mind.

"I know it's hard to believe," Milah said, sounding as gentle as David when he was speaking to an upset child. "But sometimes people want to do things for you, just because. And Smee and I care about you deeply, you know."

"Of course you bloody do," Killian said, trying to keep his voice steady. "Who wouldn't? I'm rather magnetic, if I may say so myself."

"You may not," Milah said dryly.

Killian snorted and looked up at her, feeling rather fond all of a sudden. Milah smiled at him and then threw a meaningful look at the clock on the wall, "Knowing you, if you want enough time to get prepared for your date, you'd better be on your way home now, Captain."

Killian glanced up at the clock as well. He needed to pick David up in an hour. It was time to start getting ready."

"Right you are, Miss Milah," Killian rubbed his hands together and opened his mouth to add something, but before he could Milah grabbed his hand and gave him a quick hug. Killian stiffened involuntarily before forcing himself to relax. He couldn't remember the last time he and Milah had hugged. They hadn't gone for that sort of physical intimacy in years.

"Good luck," Milah said gently.

"Thank you," Killian replied. "But I'm going to need you to leave the _Jolly Roger_ now."

*

Killian took a deep breath as he looked at the wooden door in front of him. He could hear the soft sounds of talking from inside the apartment, but it was too quiet for Killian to be able to hear what they were saying. He thought he recognized David's voice, but he couldn't be sure. Killian placed his fist on the door and thumped a few times, before he could work up the energy to become nervous.

There was a moment of silence before David opened the door, and Killian swallowed.

He was wearing a white buttoned-down shirt and blue jeans. Killian had never seen him in a buttoned down, and he immediately decided that David should never wear anything _other_ than buttoned-down shirts.

It definitely didn't hurt that it was the exact same shirt colour David had had on in Killian's day dream.

David stared at Killian, and Killian stared right back at him, and then he said, rather taken aback, "You look stunning, David."

The blond man swallowed and said, "You…look…" He stopped speaking; his mouth slightly open.

Feeling unable to stop his ego from overtaking him, Killian said, "I know."

David sighed deeply and rolled his eyes, moving slightly to the side to allow Killian entrance into the apartment. Killian walked in, taking a look at the Nolan family home. It was more of a loft than anything else, made of mostly stone and wood. From where he was standing, the kitchen area and dining table stood in front of him, full of little nick-nacks and child-appropriate cutlery. The cutest part were definitely the five aprons that were spread out one next to the other on the dining table: one large black one with a picture of Emma and Henry as little kids on it, a white one that probably belonged to Emma, and three little ones with various animals on them. The aprons were covered in flour. The family must have done some baking.

To his left was a living room with a couch and sofa chair, a brown and grey carpet, TV and lots of toys and books thrown around, and next to the living room was a bathroom, which Killian could see through an open door. He caught the sight of a bathtub full of rubber duckies. On Killian's left was one closed off area, probably a bedroom, a little knock with a treadmill, bookshelves and a desk with a computer on, and the black stairs next to it. Upstairs, there were two rooms that Killian supposed led to the kids' bedrooms, if the signs that loudly announced _'Hope and Neal's Room'_ and _'Emma and Henry's Room-No Entrance to Under Ten Year Olds'_ were to be believed. It was a homely, warm apartment. It felt very much like a home that children would enjoy growing up in, a place where they could feel safe and protected. Killian found himself fairly jealous of Emma and her siblings. He had never had such a place growing up.

Emma was sitting on the sofa with her uncle, and they both looked up at David and Killian. James grinned and jumped up, turning to Emma and saying, "Someone's father has a big date tonight."

"Let's not oversell-" David jumped backwards slightly when James took a camera out and snapped a photograph. David sighed deeply as James started flapping the photo he had taken and slumped back down next to Emma. "James, clam down."

"I'm calm!"

"He's completely calm!" Emma added, and waved at Killian. "Hi, captain."

"Hello, Emma."

"So, um," David walked over to the living room area and kissed Emma's forehead. "Try and be in bed by ten thirty, ok?"

"I'll try," Emma gave David a wicked smile before sticking her feet on her uncle's lap.

"Jimmy, call me if anyone wakes up," David said, and James rolled his eyes. "Hope's wet her bed a bit lately so if that happens give her a bath and-well, call me obviously and I'll come bacl-"

"Davey, I know."

"And if Neal wakes up, usually getting him a cup of milk helps put him back dow-"

"David, get out!"

"Right," David swallowed and gave Killian a slightly lost look.

Killian smiled and took hold of David's hand. As Emma and James watched and grinned, Killian gently steered David out of the apartment and closed the door behind them before David could bolt back into the loft.

"Ready?" Killian asked. For a moment David stared at the door, but then he turned to Killian and smiled, giving his hand a small squeeze.

"Ready," He replied, suddenly sounding incredibly sure with what he was doing.

*

"So, where are we going?" David asked as he got into Killian's black car.

Killian slipped into the driver's seat and said, "Now what would be the fun in telling you that, love?"

David snorted, amused, as the car started, "You know there are around three places in this town you can go on a date to and two of them are closed this time of night."

"Don't worry, darling, we're not going to the bar," Killian said, clearly understanding what David meant.

"Then where-"

"Hush, hush," Killian waved his hand in David's direction. "Surprise, remember?"

"Right," David looked out the window to watch his town fly by. Killian was driving much faster than David normally would, and he had to stop himself from telling Killian to slow down, reminding himself that there really weren't that many cars this time at night and Killian might be going faster than David but not _that_ fast. "You know, when I was growing up there were only two places. Any Given Sundae was only opened around ten years ago."

Killian threw him a grin, "That must have been rather exciting."

"Oh, it was," David said dryly. "The only thing people here talked about for about a month. The owners are three sisters who got into a big fight and everyone had to pick one of the three to support. My mother supported Greda. James supported Helga. They didn't talk for a week. And they work together on the farm."

"Who did you choose?"

"Ingrid, she was the most…well, I guess you could say the least nice of them. That's useful in a situation like that, no? Anyway, it was all pointless. They made up after a few weeks and it became one of the stories that go around and around the rumour mill when there's nothing else going on."

Shaking his head, Killian said, "Small town. Not sure how you could have survived living your entire life here."

David smiled and answered, "We actually lived in Portland for a few years. I didn’t mind it, but…I don’t know. Storybrooke is special. My mom calls it a 'hidden jem'. I love it here."

"Why's that?"

David shrugged, "Everyone here knows I'm a widower."

Killian frowned at him, "And that's good because…."

"Well, whenever I'm in Portland I get hit on _all the time_ ," David mumbled. "It's weird."

"Weird?" Killian gave him a puzzled look. "Why would that be weird?"

"Because-because," David waved his hands in a desperate attempt to explain. "I don’t know why they _do_ that."

"Well, love, I think I can answer that question for you," Killian said as he stopped the car. Before David could look around to see where they were, Killian unbuckled himself and climbed over his seat, draping himself over David's body. David's breath hitched as Killian whispered into his ear, "It's because you, David Nolan, are a stunningly beautiful man."

"I-" David swallowed.

"Yes, you," Killian purred, licking his lips, and David's eyes darted down to them.

"David?" Killian mumbled.

"Yes?" David croaked.

"Do you want me to kiss you, love?"

"I-yeah, yeah, I do," David whispered. He _really_ , really did. 

Killian hummed, moving over David to nose at the area between his ear and nose. David closed his eyes as he felt Killian's tongue come out to lick his skin and he shivered slightly.

"Well," Killian moved backwards, and David frowned at him for doing so. "I promise you'll get your kiss by the end of the night."

David bit his lower lip to stop himself from whimpering out a protest. Killian grinned, looking rather pleased with himself, and normally that would have annoyed David, but right now his brain cells were far too preoccupied with trying not to jump the man, and then moved away. David slumped down on his chair, taking a deep breath to calm himself. A moment or so later his door opened and Killian raised his hand to him. David rolled his eyes but allowed himself to be helped out of the car.

He looked around, and finally realized where they were. The shipyard, right in front of the _Jolly Roger_.

"Really?" David grinned as Killian closed the door behind them and took his hand. "The _Jolly Roger_?"

"Come on," Killian tugged David along.

"Don’t you get sick of being here?" David asked as they walked on board.

But Killian just smiled and kept moving.

Then David stopped and stared, shocked almost into silence. The usually messy and smelly deck had been scrubbed clean and now smelled only vaguely of lemons. At the bow of the boat, in front of the water, was a small, round table covered in a white table cloth. There was a bouquet of yellow roses in the middle of it. The table was illuminated by a bunch of electric candles strewn around the deck.

David swallowed.

"I was going to use actual candles, but Milah kindly informed me that I would end up burning the boat," Killian said cheerfully, letting go of David's hand and moving over to the table to push one of the chairs backwards slightly. He motioned to David to take his seat and then pushed him forward before placing a hand on David's shoulder and leaning over him to whisper, "Wait here, love."

David nodded and watched Killian walk away before turning back to the water, twirling his fingers nervously. This was…this was a first. He had never been taken out on a date before. With Mary-Margaret, it had always been him who took her out, who planned their dates and worked in romance into their lives. He wasn't entirely sure how he was supposed to act in this kind of situation.

David was ripped out of his thoughts when he heard something being put down on the table. He turned to see Killian had placed a covered tray, two wine glasses and a bottle on the table. David was pretty impressed that Killian had managed to carry all of those things using just one hand.

"White wine," Killian announced and sat down in front of David. "Quite weak. Would you like some?"

"Ah, not tonight," David shook his head.

"Why love? Worried you might find me even more irresistible after a few libations?" Killian asked, striking a pose that really should have looked ridiculous but somehow just made David think, _I don't think that's physically possible at the moment_.

But of course he couldn't tell Killian that, so he just said, "No. I just want to be fully with it if Jimmy needs me."

Killian nodded in understanding and moved forward, taking David's hand in his, "Look, David, I brought you here to show you a good time. You needn't worry about the children, they're in good hands."

David took a deep breath, looking into Killian's eyes, and then he said, "Ok. But still…um, no drinks?"

"No drinks," Killian agreed. "But food?"

*

Killian learned something knew about David. It seemed that he was a fan of food. His eyes lit up when he saw the ricotta stuffed chicken that Killian put on his plate.

"My mom makes something like this," David took a bite.

"Oh, bugger, that's not good," Killian sighed dramatically. "I highly doubt that I can compete with a mother's cooking."

David chewed, swallowed and then smiled, "Yeah, no, not as good as my mom's, but it's still very good. I didn't know you could cook."

Killian shrugged and said, "Well, I've spent most of my life living on my own. It was either learn to cook or live on instant noodles. And instant noodles get quite boring after a while, I can assure you."

The blond snorted, "My mom and mother-in-law forced us to take 'housewifery classes' with them after we found out about Emma, to prepare us."

"Sounds fascinating."

"Oh, it was," David said dryly. "We learned how to do laundry and everything."

Killian watched David for a moment and then said, carefully, "I haven't heard much about your in-laws."

David looked up from his plate, "Emma doesn't talk about them?"

Killian shook his head.

"No, I guess she wouldn't," David sighed. "They don't spend that much time with the kids anymore. They used to be much more involved, but ever since-well, you know."

"Yeah."

"They've withdrawn quite a bit, into their manor. It was harder on them then anybody else. They…Mary-Margaret was their only daughter, they had a lot of hopes for her."

David's eyes seemed to glaze over, as though he were being transported somewhere far, far away.

"Eva and Leopold, they're good people. Too good, I think sometimes. They're like Mary-Margaret in that. All three of them, they just trust the world, and they trust _people_. They never think that anyone would try to hurt them, or that anything bad could happen as long as they do the right thing. I know you must think I'm an overprotective father, and I probably am, but-well, I kind of had to be. _Someone_ needed to balance her out. She was the kind of parent who would let any random person hold our babies because the thought that someone would want to harm them genuinely never crossed her mind."

David scoffed, and a flicker of anger entered his eyes. It was the first time Killian had ever heard him express any negative emotions towards his dead wife. Killian was rather pleased, even though he knew how selfish that was. At least he didn't have to compete with the phantom of a perfect woman.

"The Blanchards', they believe in the triumph of good so much, they never prepared themselves for its defeat. When Mary-Margaret died, they just-couldn't handle it."

Killian opened his mouth to reply to that, but then closed it again without saying anything, far too afraid of breaking the spell that seemed to surround them at the moment, making it possible for David to spill his heart out.

"I miss them."

The abrupt admission seemed surprised David, who blinked his eyes and sighed.

"It's not fair, I know, to expect anything from them. They lost their daughter, I-" David abruptly cut himself off and bit his lip. "Sorry, I'm babbling."

"It's all right," Killian said honestly. "I could listen to you all night."

_Especially when you're sitting there in front of the ocean, looking like you just walked out of my bloody daydream._

Perhaps it was best not to say that out loud.

David looked at Killian for a moment and then smiled gently and said, "Well, it's your turn."

"My turn?" Killian felt worry settle in his gut. He wasn't a big fan of talking about himself.

"Yes, your turn," David said, eyes sparkling. "It doesn’t have to be anything serious. It can be something really unimportant. But you have to say something."

"Hmm," Killian tilted his head, thinking. "How about I give you a run down of all my past lovers?"

David chocked on his food, "That's-that's not important?"

"Well…it's nothing to be ashamed of, at least," Killian replied, then jumped up to pat David's back. He meant it to just help David breath even again, but when David's breathing did so, his patting turned into rubbing up and down David's back, and he watched his hand move on the white shirt, unable to stop himself even if he had tried.

"So, what is there to be ashamed of?"

Killian's fingers stilled, but only for a moment. The urge to continue caressing David far too powerful, "What do you mean?"

"You said that your sex life is nothing to be ashamed off," David turned halfway in his seat so he could look at Killian, "Which implies that something else is."

Killian swallowed, fingers going up to David's neck, feeling the short hairs there, "Some things."

David's eyes flickered down to Killian's stump.

"Like that," Killian agreed.

David nodded and said, gently, "You'll tell me, though. One day?"

"One day," Killian agreed, and he meant it. He kept on playing with the short hairs, fingers moving to David's ear. David swallowed, looking up at him as if waiting for him to do something. And Killian thought he knew what that thing was.

He moved forward slowly, watching David as David watched him, until he was standing over the man, hand resting on his chest.

"Do you remember I told you that I would kiss you by the end of the night?" Killian asked quietly. David's only response was to nod, eyes wide and full of expectation. It sent a jolt through Killian. "I was intending on keeping that for when I took you home, but I don't think I can really wait any longer."

"Please don't," David responded quietly.

"Your wish is my command," Killian whispered and slipped into David's lap. He placed his stumped arm around David's shoulder, keeping the other one on David's chest.

Killian ducked in, kissing David gently. He remembered only too well what had happened the last time he kissed David, how the man had pushed away when Killian had gotten too close, too deep. This time, he didn't want anything to ruin the moment.

It was glorious, it was perfect, it was even better than the first time. The first time, Killian had been far too shocked to full appreciate how good it was. This time, he could appreciate it, this time he was prepared for it.

David's lips were soft and warm and moved against his. He gently nipped on David's lower lip, and the man let out a small moan. David's hands came to curl around Killian's body, and Killian moved closer to David, collapsing into his lap. He licked David's lips and the man opened his mouth, giving Killian the access he was looking for. Killian pushed in closer, taking hold of the cloth of David's shirt and pulling him forward. He slipped his tongue into David's mouth, tasting his teeth and tongue. David tasted vaguely of chicken and cheese, but mostly just of _David_. Killian groaned. He could feel himself grow slightly hard, just from being surrounded by David's scent and feel and body. David stiffened against him, and Killian knew that he could feel his growing erection. Panic grew inside him for a moment before David let out a soft breath.

And then suddenly there was a hand under Killian's ass, squeezing lightly, and Killian groaned loudly. He detached himself from David's lips and kissed his forehead.

"Hey," David whispered, and there was a mischievous spark in his eyes that made Killian's cock harder slightly further. He had never seen that look on David. It made excitement grow in him.

"Hey," Killian croaked back.

"Do you need help?"

Killian blinked at David, trying to process what he had just heard. He wasn't able to.

"Well?" David leaned backwards on his chair, "Do you want help?"

What had just happened? Wasn't David supposed to be a shy, slightly sexually repressed man? What had happened to that David? And where did this new one come from?

And could he please stay forever and ever, until the world shall end?

"David," Killian buried his face into David's neck. "Are you actually offering to wank me off?"

He could feel David's smile as he kissed the side of his temple, "Yeah."

"Oh, bloody hell," Killian groaned. "Please do that, then."

The hand on Killian's ass squeezed lightly, and then there was another hand on the zipper of his pants, undoing them. David's hand reached into Killian's underwear and cupped his cock, fingers lightly grazing his balls. Killian shivered in pleasure as David began to work him over. It only took a few minutes for him to reach full hardness, and Killian spent that time lost in a haze of pleasure as David touched him over and over again in just the right way to made him yelp over and over again.

Then David something with his fingers, some kind of twist, that made Killian jump up about a meter from David's lap. Killian grabbed David's hand and gasped, "Do that again."

David was watching him with lust blown eyes, and Killian could feel that he was growing hard as well. And the fact that David was getting aroused by the sounds and movements that Killian was producing just made Killian harder still. His erection was starting to become painfull. David swallowed, and preformed that obscene act on Killian's testicles a second time.

"I haven't done this in years," David said, sounding almost awed, and Killian bit his lip to stop himself from whimpering pathetically as David ran his palm over Killian's tip.

"Wh-you haven't touched yourself in years?" He asked, shivering and collapsing into David's hold.

"Oh, I have," David replied. "Just not someone else's."

Killian's eyes widened, and for a moment he was too shocked to reply. He was quite disappointed to find out that he wasn't, as he assumed, the first man that David had given a hand job too.

"When did you give hand jobs, David?" Killian grabbed David's shoulders to steady himself as he shook, feeling himself twist in David's hand.

David shrugged, "Spin the bottle."

" _Spin the bottle_?" Killian spattered. "Isn't that the game where-oh, fuck, blood hell!"

"You were saying?" David purred into Killian's ear. Killian bit David's ear in retribution.

"I thought that spin the bottle was a game where you-where you- where you-isn't it supposed to be kisses?" Killian yelped as he came into David's hand.

"It usually is," David said, sounding frustratingly calm and rather pleased with himself. He moved backwards on the chair and Killian settled back down into David's lap.

"But you…exchanged hand jobs?" Killian asked and raked his fingers through David's blond hair, panting heavily.

David shrugged, "Kisses got boring after a while. Small town, remember? Not much else to do."

Killian swallowed; the mental image of a teenager David being given hand job after hand job in the middle of a circle of other teenage boys making him feel slightly disgusted. It was rather odd to imagine David as a teen, and really unsettling to imagine him engaging in sexual activities at a younger age then Emma.

That was an odd thought. Killian himself had been younger than Emma, much younger, when he began fucking. But he didn't want that for David. He wanted David to be purer than he was, for his history to be cleaner, to suit his prince charming's kindness and goodness.

"People said that I was pretty good at it," David mused. He didn't sound like he was showing off, but then again when was David ever capable of accepting that something he had done was worthy of a bit of swagger?

This certainly counted.

"Well, then I must inform you that you have not lost that particular talent," Killian said, and David laughed, so Killian had to kiss him deeply.

"That's good to know, I suppose," David took his hand out of Killian's underwear and cleared his throat. Suddenly, he looked embarrassed and his eyes began darting all over, as though he didn't know where to look.

"Hey," Killian whispered, nuzzling at David's neck. "It's your turn."

He didn’t wait for David to respond, just slithered down to his knees in front of David and gently pushed his legs apart so he could settle in between them. David swallowed, eyes becoming hooded. Killian unzipped him with his still slightly shaking hands and brought out David's cock. Killian licked his lips.

"That's rather nice," Killian purred. "Long and thick and beautiful."

David chocked.

Killian smirked as he ducked in. He started by licking David's entire length, pressing a tiny little kiss on the pink tip. David chocked again, hips jolting upwards. Killian clicked his tongue and put his hands on David's thighs, pushing him downwards.

"A bit of patience, love, yes?"

David glared down at him. And immediately Killian was reminded of his fantasy in the shower, of David glaring at him with the blue sea behind him. The sea behind David was inky black instead of blue, but that didn't really make that much of a difference. The real difference was David. The David in Killian's fantasy had been barely moving, a beautiful statue for Killian to play around with as he gave him pleasure. But this David, the real David, this David moaned and withered and clenched his body and was _alive_ , realer than anything Killian could have come up with on his own.

And it was so, so much better.

Killian kept David in place as he licked him again and again, moving down to lather at his balls. Letting go of one of David's thighs, Killian began playing with his balls as he moved his mouth back up to David's now fully erect length.

David let out a yelp, and Killian felt it like a physical blow to his body. If he hadn't just come, he probably would have started getting hard again. But even _he_ needed a few more minutes to get ready.

Taking a deep breath, Killian opened his mouth and took David's whole length into his mouth and sucked at it like the world's most delicious lollipop.

"Oh, fuck, fuck! Jesus Christ, Killian-fuck, fuck! Holy shit, motherfucker, goddamn it-"

Killian whimpered as David began letting out a magnificent string of curse words. Who knew David could curse so well? It was bloody attractive.

David was full of surprises tonight.

Killian sucked long and hard, fingering David's balls as he did so. He looked up to see David had thrown his head backwards, exposing his perfect, long and unmarred neck. Fuck, Killian wanted to bite him. Wanted to bite him hard enough to leave a mark, so that when the man walked down the street the next day everyone would see, and everyone would know who had given David pleasure the night before, who now held a claim on the most beautiful man in this silly little town.

"Killian, Killian," David gasped, and Killian looked up to see there were tears running down from his eyes. Bloody hell. How could the man _keep_ getting more and more attractive? "You have to stop."

Killian froze and looked up. Slowly and rather reluctantly, Killian detached himself from David's member and asked, "What's wrong? Did I do something wrong-"

"No, no," David shook his head vehemently. "I just-I'm about to come."

Killian frowned, "Right. Ok." He wasn't sure what the problem was.

David blushed, chewing his lower lip, and then said, "You don’t-you should take your-"

The blush grew stronger.

Killian smiled, and said, "I don't mind it. In fact, I would rather love for you to come in my mouth."

David just whimpered, and slumped back down. Killian took that as permission to precede and went back to licking and sucking on David. It didn't take long for the man to come in Killian's mouth, yelling out loud as he did so and throwing himself forward, clutching Killian's hair in his hands.

David panted as Killian drank him down. Killian smiled as he gave David's flaccid cock one last lick before climbing back up, tucking David into place and settling on his lap before raking his fingers across David's hair and studying him. David looked like he was about to pass out, eyes half closed and panting softly. He looked very much like he had quite recently been given a marvelous blow job.

If Killian could say so himself.

"You all right there, love?" Killian purred with what he knew was a rather satisfied smile.

"Y-Yeah," David mumbled. He blinked his eyes fully open and croaked out, "I'm fine."

"Are you quite sure of that?" Killian smirked, licking David's ear lobe before biting it gently.

"Don't…don’t be a dick," David said and then smacked Killian on the back of the head. Hard.

"Ouch," Killian complained.

David snorted and kissed Killian's neck. Killian smiled and snuggled into David, leaning his head on the blond's shoulder.

"So…would you like some desert now?"

David burst out laughing.

*

They walked up the stairs silently. It was a comfortable silence, the kind born of familiarity. They just didn't need to talk anymore, at least at that moment.

David stopped in front of the door to the loft, and took a deep breath. He turned to see Killian watching him steadily, and said, "Well, I'd offer to invite you in for coffee but I'm pretty sure my brother's standing there waiting to pounce on me, so…"

"Next time."

"Next time?" David smiled and shook his head. "You really are very full of yourself, aren't you?"

"As I said before," Killian mumbled, moving forward so quickly David couldn't tell what he was doing until he was being smashed against the wall with Killian looming over him. "Only when I have good cause."

"Still," David swallowed. "You need to work on your ego."

Killian tilted his head, "Make it bigger to amuse you, love?"

David hit Killian on the back of the head, and the man laughed and moved forward so their noses were touching. He could feel Killian's breath on his skin and Killian's fingers playing with David's earlobe. Killian kissed his forehead, then his nose and then his lips, lightly. David moved forwards towards Killian's mouth, deepening their kiss, so he could feel Killian's tongue entering his mouth and he let out an unguarded moan as he was shoved further into the wall and his cheek was cupped, his head tilted to provide better access to his lips.

They separated before David could start getting hard again. He breathed out heavily as Killian pushed away from him and shook his head, trying to clear it.

"I-um, should probably go in," David croaked, feeling slightly dazed.

"Yes, you probably should," Killian blinked at David.

"Right."

"Goodnight, David-"

David surged forward and captured Killian's mouth in another hard kiss. Killian moaned and grabbed the back of David's neck, pushing him closer. And then kissed again, hard and deep and wonderful. Until Killian pushed him backwards slightly.

" _Now_ ," Killian whispered into David's ear. "You should go in. Otherwise I might be tempted to blow you again. I will see you tomorrow morning?"

David nodded, suddenly unable to speak.

Killian hummed and kissed David's neck. He pushed away and looked at David, and suddenly his expression was different, softer somehow, more vulnerable.

"Goodnight, Killian," David said quietly, and opened the door to the loft. He closed the door behind him and took a deep breath-

"So, how did it go?"

David jumped up and turned to see his brother and daughter sitting at the table. Emma was grinning like an idiot, and James had his arms folded, with a small smile on his face.

At least they'd remembered to put the aprons back in place.

"You're still _awake_?" David asked in shock. "Bed. Now!"

"Where did you go? Was it good? Daddy, was there a goodnight ki-"

"Bed, get into bed right now," David put his hands on Emma's shoulders and moved her to the staircase.

Emma turned to look at James and said, "He looks happy."

James glanced at David and smiled, "Yeah, he does."

"I'm right here," David said, taken aback. " _Right here_. I can hear you."

Emma grinned and hugged her father hard. David hugged her back and kissed her head before reluctantly releasing her and pointing up the stairs.

"You do look happy, Dad," Emma said. "I knew that he would be good for you."

David watched in shocked silence as his daughter happily skipped up the stairs. When she disappeared into her bedroom, he turned to find James besides him. His brother rubbed David's hair in the same way that David often did for Henry and Neal.

"So, it was good?" James asked, following David into his bedroom.

"It…" David sighed deeply as he stripped off his shirt and pants and fell into bed with nothing but his boxers. Mary-Margaret would be disgusted.

David chocked suddenly, realizing he hadn't thought of her in hours. He had not thought of her once throughout the whole hand job-oral sex portion of the meal. He hadn't thought of her afterwards either.

"Hey, hey," David blinked through slightly blurry eyes, seeing James getting into bed with him, pulling a blanket over the two of them. His brother then snuggled against David's back and leaned his head on his shoulder the way they had done so often as children and teens. "It's ok."

David hiccupped, "It is?"

"Yeah," James nodded. "She'd be so proud of you. And so happy, too."

David wiped his eyes and took a deep breath, "I don't know if she would have liked Killian."

"He won Emma over, didn't he? That would have been enough for her," James told him. "And anyway, he's clearly crazy about you. She would have said Killian has good taste."

David laughed, unable to stop himself, "I really didn't deserve her."

"No, you really didn’t."

"Hey!" David grabbed a pillow and hit his brother in the head. James laughed and lay down on the bed, putting his hands up to protect his face from David's onslaught. They wrestled with the pillow for a few moments before they tumbled from the bed and hit the floor.

"Ouch," James groaned and leaned against the bed.

"God, you make me act less mature then Neal," David complained.

"Good, you need the fun," James rubbed David's head again and stood up. He helped David on his feet and pushed him back down to the bed. This time he sat next to David on the bed while the other snuggled down under the blanket and yawned. "Go to sleep, Davey. I'll call you tomorrow."

"Tell me again." David mumbled, rubbing his eyes and looking up at his brother.

James's expression softened and he whispered, "She would be proud of you. And your children are, too."

"Ok then," David closed his eyes and fell asleep.


	7. Chapter 7

David blinked, the early-morning light streaming through the curtains to hit his eyes. He yawned loudly as he sat up, rubbing his eyes. He could tell by the quality of the light that it was still quite early in the morning, which was good. Days where David woke up much before the kids always had a way of going smother.

David got up from his bed and walked over to the ensuite bathroom. He took a quick shower, not even bothering to wait for the water to get hot, before getting dressed and stepping out of the bedroom.

David went to the main bathroom to put the clothes in the dryer before putting the dishes from the dishwasher away. And by that time the two kids' bedrooms had opened and Hope, Neal and Emma were making their way down.

"Morning, little buddy, princesses," David said and moved away from the dishwasher. "You're up early."

"How did it go?" Emma asked as David picked Hope and Neal up together to give them good morning kisses. "You wouldn't tell me last night."

David put the little ones down and sighed inwardly. He wasn't entirely sure how to answer that question. What was the protocol when you starting dating after the death of a spouse? David wanted to kick himself. He should have thought about it earlier, before going on the actual date. he made a mental note to go to the library and get some books about managing that kind of thing.

Not that it helped him much now. Now he needed to trust his instincts, which were telling him to just be honest.

"It was nice," David said. "We had a good time. How about you? Everything went well last night? No one woke up?"

"Nope," Emma said smugly, as though she was responsible for that success.

"That's good-"

"How was it?" Henry demanded as he jumped down the stairs. "Where you out all night? Why does nobody tell me anything?"

"I was not out all night, and I tell you a lot of stuff," David replied promptly. "You were just asleep until now. Cereal?"

"Yup," Emma settled down on the counter. "Can I have cornflakes?"

"We're out, there's only Rice Krispies and…Cap'n Crunch," David said, looking into the cupboard.

"Oh, then I need Cap'n Crunch," Henry said with determination.

"Me too," Neal said as he popped his little head over the counter. "Since you're going to marry Killian."

David dropped the cereal.

"Shoot!" David snapped (after sixteen years of parenthood he had trained himself out of being able to swear in front of his children) as the contents of the box spilled onto the floor. He looked up to see Emma already getting up to get a broom and Neal and Henry blinking at him innocently. David sighed and leaned over the counter. "Neal, I'm not marrying Killian."

"What? Why?" Neal squeaked.

"Because," David groaned and smacked his head on the counter. "Because-"

"Because they only went on one date, Neal-Neal," Emma called out. "People don't get married so quickly."

"Yes, right, thank you, Emmy," David said gratefully.

"But-but I want you to get married!" Neal cried out. "I _like_ him."

"You can like someone without your Daddy marrying them," David informed his son.

"Neal, I just told you, people don't get married so quickly," Emma said.

"I see," Henry nodded. "So we just need to give you some time."

"Yes- no, wait, no!" David shook his head wildly. He was not getting married to Killian. And since when did his kids like Killian so much? Was this a new development or just another thing that he missed? "I'm not marrying Killian, ok?"

Neal bit his lip and nodded, "So…can I get Rice Krispies instead?"

David suppressed a laugh. Trust the short attention span of a five-year-old boy to save the day.

"But how did it _go_?" Henry asked.

Maybe David was premature in his celebration.

David put four bowls of cereal on the counter and took the broom from Emma, thanking her quietly and motioning her to eat her breakfast.

"It…um, it was nice," David said when he realized Henry was still looking at him expectantly.

"Yeah?" Henry perked up. "When are you meeting him again?"

David grinned, "Today when I take Emma to work."

"Dad! That's not what I mean."

"I know, I know," David raised his hand in submission, and then shrugged. "I don't know, though. We'll see."

All four children looked up at him for a moment, and then Hope chirped, "I say soon."

David groaned.

*

Killian wasn't entirely sure what to expect out of David when they met the next day. Would David act like nothing had happened, would he be awkward and uncomfortable around him? Would he jump into his arms and allow Killian to devour him whole?

Perhaps that third suggestion was unlikely. It was Killian's favorite, though.

"Stop worrying," Milah said sternly, and Killian nearly jumped, not having heard her come up to stand next to him. "You look ridiculous."

"Why, thank you, my dear," Killian said. "It is always good to be surrounded by such supportive friends."

Milah snorted, "Would you rather I lie to you, and tell you look manly and strong?"

"Absolutely not," Killian replied immediately. "The day you begin being kind to me is the day you would have outlived your usefulness."

Milah rolled her eyes and patted her captain on the shoulder, "Calm yourself. You don't want to look like an overeager puppy when David does come."

Killian nearly chocked on his own spit. Even though he knew that was not what Milah had meant, the mental image of himself hovering over David like an _overeager puppy_ while _he came_ popped into his mind, and he had to take a deep breath to stop himself from getting slightly aroused.

"Right," Killian said as he shook his head. "Thank you for the advice, Milah."

"Of course," Milah gave him a sly smile that made him think that perhaps she _had_ meant it that way.

Killian rolled his eyes as he watched her go back to helping the other crewmembers prepare the boat, before going back to watch the road, waiting for David. He supposed that he was looking rather like an overeager puppy, but the alternative was to turn away and help prepare the boat, which would mean he was at risk of missing the red truck's arrival, and that had to be avoided at all costs.

So when the red truck came into view (a few minutes earlier than normal, Killian noted with pleasure) he was ready for attack and jumped down from the _Jolly Roger_ and walked (ran, he ran) towards the truck, getting there just as Emma, David and Neal exited.

"Hello, Mr. Captain," Neal chirped as he was raised up to his father's shoulders.

"Hello, lad," Killian looked up at the boy and then down to David. "Good morning, David."

"Morning," David replied, and then smiled sweetly at him. Killian had to look up at Neal to remind himself that there were two children there that would probably be rather traumatized if he got on his knees and sucked their father's cock.

"Ok, time to leave," Emma said abruptly and rubbed her hands together. "Bye, Daddy."

David grinned at Emma and said, "Why are you so happy to see me leave?"

"Because I'm a teenager and it's my job to make my father feel unwelcome everywhere he goes," Emma replied promptly.

"Point Emma," David patted Neal's ankle. "Ready to go to camp, little prince?"

"Ok," Neal pulled on David's hair and squinted at Killian. "Goodbye, Mr. Captain."

"It's just 'captain', Neal. Now come on, Killian," Emma grabbed Killian's arm and tugged him away from David. Killian went reluctantly, and waved with his stump as David put Neal back inside the car. David smiled before stepping into the truck, a sweet shy little smile.

Killian turned back to Emma as the truck started again only to find her already looking at him, a sly smile on her face.

"So….it went well, didn't it?" Emma drawled. "He looked happy when he came back, but he wouldn't tell me anything about it. He just sent me to bed."

"Why am I not at all shocked to hear you were awake when your father returned?" Killian sighed as he jumped back on the boat, raising his hand to help Emma up.

"Don't change the subject!"

Killian sighed and patted Emma's back, "I'm not sure I should tell you, if your father doesn't wish it."

Emma shrugged, "Hey, man, I'm just asking my boss about his big night."

"That makes it doubly inappropriate," Killian argued. "You're not only asking after your father's affairs but after your superior as well? Really, Emma, I would have thought I taught you better than that."

" _Killian_."

Killian abruptly closed his mouth, realizing from her expression that she had something rather serious on her mind.

"I just…I need to know what-what you'd want from him, you know? What your intentions are, kinda."

"Well, Emma, that's a bit old fashioned-"

"My dad's been through a lot," Emma interrupted him, looking out into the sea. "I just want you to know that he's not just some conquest."

There was a beat of silence and Killian cleared his throat.

"I don't see your father a loot, Emma, if that's what has you worried," He said, gently. "And whatever we become, it's up to him as much as me, yeah?"

Emma nodded.

"You have nothing to worry about. I have no intention of hurting your father," Killian added. "So, put your mind at ease, yes? You shouldn't worry about such things at your age."

"My dad says the same thing," Emma said. "But _someone_ has to look out for him."

 _I'll do that_ , Killian thought as Emma went over to help Smee. _I'll look after him and take care of him, you need not worry anymore._

*

David lay down spread eagle on the sand, Neal sitting on his chest, while Henry and Hope played on what was known in the Nolan household as 'Henry's Castle'. He'd brought them there after the pickup, telling Emma to meet them there if she wanted to. He'd decided to stop picking her up from work, unless she specifically asked for it. He thought it might help Emma with her growing bid for independence. She was old enough for David to trust her to let him know where she was.

He thought. He hoped. He was slightly nervous.

"So, then Alexandra said that she's going to give me the pencil in five minutes but I watched the watch and five minutes passed-"

"And she didn't give it back," David guessed, and Neal nodded, frowning.

"That wasn't ok, right?"

David was starting to think that all Alexandra and Neal did was fight. But they still claimed to be best friends. Oh, well. Who was he to judge what made his son happy? Neal enjoyed fighting with Alexandra a hundred times better then he enjoyed playing with anyone else.

"No, that wasn't ok," David replied, and then his phone buzzed. It was Emma. David raised his hand to his son, "It's your sister. Hi, Emmy. What's up?"

"Come meet us at Granny's."

"Us?"

"Yes, love," David jumped at Killian's voice. Neal giggled as the movement gave him a boast up in the air, and David caught him before he could fall off his chest. "If you're not here in ten minutes I'm giving your daughter three pieces of pie."

"I need more then ten minutes, and don't you dare give her more than one piece of pie," David said hurriedly and stood up. "Emma, only one piece, hear me?"

"Yes, sir," Emma chirped.

"As you wish," Killian chirped.

"All right, enough, both of you," David clicked the phone off.

*

"You know, you're not responsible for entertaining my children."

Killian looked up from his coffee to find David standing over him. A quick glance around revealed that the three younger children had joined Emma by the large pastry fridge, where she had relocated herself in an attempt to choose which piece of pie to take. He suspected, though, that she would not be sitting with her family, as a boy around Emma's age had just come into the diner and was waving enthusiastically at her.

"What?" Killian asked, turning his attention back to David. "What do you mean?"

"I _mean_ ," David started, slumping down in front of him. Killian extended his legs so his shoes were brushing David's. He would have liked to take David's hand in his, but he knew he couldn't. It would not be welcome. It was far too early for those public displays of attention. Especially with four out of four of David's children just _right there_. 'That you really don’t need to take Emma to Granny's, ok? She's my responsibility, and-"

"David," Killian said slowly, somewhat insulted. "Has it ever occurred to you that I simply enjoy spending time with young miss Emma?"

Daivd opened his mouth, and then closed it before saying, "That's good, I'm glad. But then why did you call me?"

"Because," Killian really couldn’t understand why he had to spell this out. For such an intelligent man, David could be incredibly dense at times. "I also quite enjoy spending time with you."

David took a deep breath, confusion and worry dancing around in his eyes.

"David? What is it?" This time Killian really couldn’t stop himself, and he reached out to take David's hand. To his surprise, David didn't flinch back, instead squeezed Killian's hand hard.

"I'm fine," David said quietly. "It's just…this is still kind of weird for me."

"I know," Killian said, and felt worry grow in his stomach.

David looked up, "Weird doesn't mean bad. It's…actually good."

"I try," Killian shrugged, trying for nonchalant and missing the mark by an almost impressive margin.

But David just smiled softly and said, "Yeah, you do."

Killian was struck speechless for a moment, unsure as to how he was meant to respond to the surprising sincerity in David's voice. Luckily, he was spared the need when their silent little bubble was interrupted by the arrival of the children.

After that it was chaos for a long while, and Killian could do very little but watch David. Emma left with her friend and had to be reminded of her curfew, Hope and Neal felt the need to introduce their pieces of pie with the type of gusto usually reserved for parents introducing their newborn offspring, while Henry demanded a taste of Killian's coffee and needed to be helped through the coughing fit that followed.

Throughout the whole process, David moved like a force of nature, switching one child for another with dazzling speed. He seemed to know exactly what each child needed and when they needed it, stepping in just in time to stop Hope from licking the pie with her tongue, and raising his hand at the exact right moment to catch Neal's hand before it collided with Henry's head.

It was hypnotic, like watching a maestro preforming his art. It was bloody hot. Killian decided he had clearly discovered a new kink: confident David. He wanted to take him to bed, lick his entire naked body and then fuck him nice and slow.

After the children were put to bed, naturally. He was no pervert.

Mostly. He was mostly not a pervert. As so far as lusting after a man in front of his children made him a pervert. Which was a bit. It was hard not to be a pervert, at least in the safety of his own mind, when David was around.

Eventually things did relax, and as the three kids munched contently on their pies, David said, hand playing with Neal's short hair affectionally, "So, are you coming tomorrow?"

"Coming where?"

"The adoption fair," Henry gave Killian a look that easily conveyed how stupid he thought Killian was being. "We have it twice a year, for the cats and dogs at Dad's shelter. So people will take them home."

"It's fun," Hope put her two cents in, so Killian automatically turned to look at Neal, having already learned that if more than two children spoke, the rest felt the unstoppable need to do the same.

But Neal was busy eating his pie, which clearly needed every ounce of his attention.

"People come from all the towns all over," Henry kept on munching on his pie. "From Arendelle and Enchanted Forest-"

"Enchanted Forest? That's not really the name of a place, is it?" Killian looked around, but no one at the table was smiling. " _Is_ it?"

"I know," David let out a long-suffering sigh. "No one likes that name, except unfortunately the people who live there. They call it quaint."

" _Quaint_? It's horrific!"

"This really bothers you, doesn't it?" Said Henry, squinting up at Killian.

"Well, it's a bloody ridiculous name-"

"We’re getting sidetracked," David said, waving his hand. "The fair is in the park, you know the one in the forest? You should come, it's always fun. It's one of the only big events we have in Storybrooke."

Killian bit the inside of his mouth to stop himself from grinning like a man mad. He was quite sure that David was asking him on a date, in his own David-like way. Because this way he's not inconveniencing anyone. He would already be in the fair. Might as well have Killian there as well.

It should not have felt as romantic as it did.

"Of course I'll be there," Killian said, looking straight at David, and was rewarded by a slight blush that confirmed his suspicions. A date. There was no longer any doubt.

At that exact moment Hope screamed.

"Neall! No kicking!"

David looked at the children's plates, and immediately rubbed his hands together, "Right, you're all done, that's our cue to leave. Thanks again for taking Emma out. And you guys all forgot to say something very important."

David was talking so quickly, moving from one topic to the other in a way that made it difficult for Killian to keep up. By the time he realized that David had thanked him, he'd moved on to the next subject, and was looking down expectantly at the children.

"Thank you for the pie," The children recited more or less at the exact same time.

David smiled down at the three, his eyes so full of love it was rather overwhelming. Killian had often heard it said that parents would die for their children, but he had never before seen a parent that he could easily believe that about. He had never before seen a father and thought, _this man would destroy entire armies, would blow up the moon, would allow himself to be torn to pieces while still alive, all to protect his four babies from harm._

Killian wondered if the children knew how lucky they were. Not everyone had what they had; he knew that from experience.

But perhaps it was best that they didn’t know. Best they live in a world where a loving and devoted father was the baseline expected, a simple fact like the fact that sun is yellow and seas are blue.

"Bye-bye," Hope waved at Killian, and he waved back with his hand, watching the family leave and suddenly feeling achingly alone.

*

They tied the dogs to various trees, giving them enough room to move around comfortably, and bowls of food and water, while the cats sat in large cases on tables. That was their regular setup for these events. The prospective adoptive families could come and take a look at them, walk the dogs around and see if they liked the animals, if the animals seemed to like them.

It was nine, and people were starting to trickle in. David had come at six to help set things up, leaving the kids with Emma in exchange for babysitting money. David didn't do that much, never a big fan of burdening his daughter with any responsibility. But Emma had offered, and she was more then capable of handling Hope and Neal's morning routine. And besides, perhaps it _was_ time for her to assume more responsibility in the house.

David moved over to one of the dog trees, and watched as a mother petted a little mutt with her tiny girl. The child, who could not have been older than two, was clearly new to dogs, half-frightened and half-exited as she darted back and forth between the dog and the protective arms of her mother. David smiled to himself before moving his eyes over to the other tree, where Wilby was laying on his stomach, tongue out as he looked around, clearly excited to be out in the forest. David wished they had the ability to take the dogs out on walks more. Animals shouldn't be locked up. They were like children: they needed to run to feel alive.

"You're staring at that dog like he had the answers to all of life's mysteries, love," David turned to see Killian walking towards him that patented swagger.

David smiled, feeling a flatter in his heart as Killian came over to him, looking around the bouncy castle and ball pit, the food stands, the arts-and-crafts area, the photobooth, and of course, the animals.

"Impressive," Killian said, raising an eyebrow. David was rather impressed himself. He'd never met anyone who could convey so many separate emotions with just raising an eyebrow.

"Thanks," David swallowed, and Killian turned back to look at him. He cleared his throat and added, "I'm glad you could make it."

Killian smiled, slow and deliberate, and sauntered even closer.

"I wouldn't miss it for the world," Killian whispered right into David's ear, and David felt a shiver go down his spine.

Then Killian moved backwards slightly and gave the area another sweep with his eyes.

"The young lasses and lads are not here?"

"Not yet, they're coming a little later. Emma's babysitting."

"That's good," Killian tilted his head in thought. "I can steal you for a few minutes, can I not?"

"I-" David took a look around. Dr. Thatcher was explaining how to take care of the cats to a few people, and the rest were entertaining themselves. Things seemed to be under control. "Yeah, I can spare a few minutes."

"Marvelous," Killian purred, and then he grabbed David's wrist, and before David knew what was happening, he was pushed behind one of the largest trees in the area and his back was pinned to it.

And then there was a hand on his waist and lips against his neck and oh, _fuck_ , it felt so _good_ that David whimpered, unable to keep the needy sound inside. He flushed, embarrassed, but Killian just hummed in understanding and detached his lips from David's neck, bringing them up so their lips were almost touching.

"Hello, love," Killian murmured against David's lips.

"Hi," David croaked back, entirely and completely lost in Killian's eyes.

Killian smiled, then lunged in.

He kissed David hard, passionately, kissed him in a way that left him breathless and shook, kissed him until David was kissing him back just as powerfully, gabbing at Killian's leather jacket to pull him closer, always closed. They were pressed against one another, their groins rubbing against each other, not one inch separating them. But it was still not close enough. David didn't think it could ever be close enough, not until they were inside each other. And that thought made him groan and finally force his lips away from Killian's. This wasn't the time or the place for those types of thoughts and the reactions they would bring.

He had work to do, and his kids would be at the fair soon.

"Um," David coughed, trying to get his breath back. "We probably should…"

"Yes," Killian agreed, breathing heavily, and David pounded his head back on the tree. He looked so _good_. "We probably should."

"Right."

"Right."

Killian stared at David. David stared at Killian. Killian smiled.

"If you want to go back," Killian said. "You might want to let go of my jacket, yeah?"

David blinked and look down at his hands, finding them still holding on tightly to the leather jacket. Blushing slightly, David forced his fingers to unclench and dropped his hands to his sides.

"Ok, now let's go," David began moving back towards the dogs, but before he could, Killian's hand caught his wrist again and spun him around.

Killian let go of David's wrist and brought his hand up to cup his cheek instead, moving in for another kiss. This kiss was different than the one that came before it. It was soft and gentle and sweet, and it made David's knees nearly buckle under him.

"Right," Killian said, clearing his throat. "Now let's return to the main event, shall we?"

 _I really think this was the main event_ , David thought dizzyingly as he made his way back, with Killian by his side.

It was perfect timing, since as soon as David and Killian got back to the fair area, Hope came burling into him, hugging his legs and laughing.

"Let's get cotton candy, Daddy!" She jumped up and down.

"And hello to you as well," David grinned down at his girl as Neal joined them. He noticed Henry with his friend Violet moving towards the bouncy castle, and Emma with Regina. "Where do you want to start?"

Neal chewed his lower lip and waved at Killian, "You're always around lately."

David stiffened slightly, and Killian turned to look at him, as if waiting for him to take charge. David opened his mouth to try and explain things to his son, but Hope beat him to the punch.

"Neal, it's because Killian is Daddy's captain," Hope explained, brow crinkled in thought. David couldn't quite figure out what Hope meant by that, but Neal just nodded.

"Oh, ok," He said. "Because Killian is the prince."

Killian had started grinning, "Am I? What does that make your father?"

"The princess," Neal replied matter-of-factly.

Children were just _great_ for the ego.

*

A few hours into the fair, Killian, who had been put in charge of Neal while David stayed with Hope at the arts-in-crafts table, wondered back after the boy to David. He found the man leaning over Hope as the girl coloured a dog with crayons. He looked up when Killian and Neal came up and smiled.

"Where did you go?" David asked, kissing Neal's head and handing him a paper monkey to colour.

"Bouncy castle," Neal replied, and started babbling an explanation as David motioned Killian to sit down next to him. Killian obeyed, leaning backwards on the tiny chair.

"Thank you," David mumbled to Killian.

"Of course," Killian nodded. He looked at the two children, talking quietly to each other and the other children at the table. "I never thought two children could be so much work."

David laughed, "You have no idea."

"No, I suppose I don't," Killian replied. "It's rather entertaining. They say some…interesting things. Don't they, _princess_?"

"Yeah, yeah, very funny," David looked up, above Killian's head, and frowned. "Oh."

Killian turned around to see what David was looking at. It turned out to be a woman and man, both kind looking, around their mid to late fifties. They were dressed in what Killian recognized as designer clothes, but wore them with the kind of humility that made Killian think they were not the type to put too much stock in wealth.

"Who are those?" Killian asked, though he thought he had an idea.

"It's Mary-Margaret's parents."

*

Leopold was the first to catch sight of them. Hesitantly, not wanting to make him feel overwhelmed, David waved. Leopold smiled, his kind, gentle, heartbroken smile. Then Eva turned, and her eyes went from David to the children by his side. She clutched her husband's hand and took a deep breath. Then they walked over.

"Hello, David, children," Leopold said. Eva just swallowed. She seemed to be trying to keep herself from crying. David tightened his hold on Hope. He suddenly wished Killian would take his hand.

"Hi, Grandpa," Neal said quietly. David felt himself cringe. He sounded so _formal_. They really didn't spend enough time with their maternal grandparents.

"How are you doing today, sweethearts?"

Hope looked up at her grandmother, and Eva closed her eyes. Hope flinched backwards.

"Hope…" David whispered. "What's wrong?"

Hope shook her head and buried her face into David's shoulder. Suddenly, a horrifyingly tense silence fell over the group as Hope hid herself from her mother's mother. David looked up at Eva, who had just opened her eyes and took a deep breath.

"I'm sorry," She croaked. "I can't-she just-she looks so much like-"

That was all she could get across before she turned and fled. Leopold sighed deeply and leaned down next to David, placing a hand on Hope's back.

"Everything is al right, dear girl," Leopold said gently. "Your grandmother is just a little sad."

"She's always sad," Hope hiccupped, but she did allow Leopold to hug her before he gave David a sad look and went to find his wife.

David swallowed, looking down as Hope, with her childlike resilience, went back to her drawing with Neal. He jumped slightly when he felt a hand on his shoulder, squeezing.

"Are you all right?" Killian whispered, then shook his head. "I'm sorry, that was a foolish question."

"I…" David looked at Killian. "Stay with Hope and Neal for a moment, ok?"

"Of course," Killian said immediately, though David could see that he wanted to question him more. David stood up, putting Hope on the chair, and told them he'd be back in a minute. Then he gave Killian what he hoped was a reassuring smile and made his way to where Leopold and Eva were standing.

"David," Leopold turned to him. "This is not the best ti-"

"No, we need to talk," David moved past Leopold to look at Eva. The woman looked up at him and without thinking much of what he was doing, David enveloped her in a hug.

Eva immediately held him back, rubbing his head in the same way she used to when Mary-Margaret and him were just children and friends. David took a deep breath and said it.

"She would be disappointed in us. All of us."

Eva flinched away from David, into Leopold's arms.

"David, why would you say that-"

"Can you imagine how angry she would be, if she knew you were making her daughter cry? If she knew how little time you spent with her children?" David demanded. "Or if she knew how I've stopped living after she died? Or if she knew she's only associated with grief and sadness for us now? When was the last time we talked about her to the children and laughed? Or even smiled? I can't… _we_ can't do it anymore."

Eva and Leopold stared at him, struck and silent.

"She's dead," David said, feeling the tears prickle the back of his eyes. "She's dead and she's not coming back. But they're still here, they're your grandchildren. They're Mary-Margaret's _children_. And they need their grandparents. They need _you_."

David rubbed his eyes.

"And Hope needs to know that we don't blame her."

"I don’t-" Eva shook her head in horror. "I would never. You know I don’t."

"I know," David replied. "But she's getting bigger, and what will she think, when she grows up? Every time she sees you, you start crying!"

Eva swallowed.

"I just…I know it's different for you, and I can't- I can't even imagine what it must be like, to lose your daughter," David took a breath. "I just-"

"No, David, you're right," Eva interrupted. She took a deep breath and nodded. "If it's all right by you, I'll ask Hope if she wants to come to the ball pit with me?"

"Yes, yes," David nodded. "Yes, if you feel like you can."

"I have no choice," Eva said, raising her chin. "I lost my daughter; I will not lose my grandchildren as well."

David watched, a bit stunned, as Eva walked over to the children. She ended up walking away with both of them, leaving Killian sitting alone.

"We'll do better," Leopold said gently, hugging David tightly. "All of us."

David nodded, watching Killian, "Yes, I think we will."

"Go to him, then."

David froze.

"What?" He turned to his father-in-law, who smiled knowingly.

"You said it yourself," Leopold said. "Mary-Margaret would want us to keep living. And that includes this, a new love."

"I didn't…I wasn't planning on telling you," David mumbled. "It's very new and…."

"You didn't think I would approve?" Leopold sighed. "Perhaps you were right. It won't be easy for us, as I'm sure it's not easy for you. But we'll get through the hard part, yes? Together? As a family."

David nodded, "Yeah. As a family."

Leopold patted David on the back and then shoved him forward, "Go."

So David went.

"Hello," Killian said softly, pulling David to sit on the chair next to him. "Are you alright?"

"No," David took a deep breath. "Not really, but…I figured it out."

"Figured what out?"

"Lately, the kids have been…doubting their mother's memory. Saying that she couldn't have loved them and things like that," David said quietly. "It's my fault."

"David-"

"No, listen. Just listen for a moment, ok?" David waved a hand to stop Killian from talking. He just needed a silent audience right now.

He needed to talk.

"All right," Killian rubbed the back of David's neck. David closed his eyes for a moment, relaxing into the comforting touch. Then he moved away.

"I fucked up."

Killian looked up at David, "How so?"

David took a deep breath and rubbed his eyes, "I've been like Eva and Leopold. Instead of celebrating my wife's life I've been mourning her death."

"You can do both."

"But I haven't been doing both," David insisted. "No wonder my kids doubt that their mother loved them. The only time she ever comes up is when we're talking about death and mourning and sad things. It hurts so much to talk about her that I never just bring her up, just to bring her up. I never just randomly mention her. My brother is right. I'm not allowing myself to move on, and because of that my kids can't either."

Killian bit his lip, unsure of how to respond to that, and then David took a deep breath, steeling himself, and turned to look at Killian.

"Will you come help me with something?"

"Anything."

*

"Guys? Come meet Wilby!"


	8. Chapter 8

It didn't take much adjustment to get the loft set up for another life. Emma and David went down to the basement and brought up the doggy bed, the food bowls and the box full of chew toys. The doggy bed and toys went into the living room, the bowls next to the counter. And that was that. Everything where it was before, for Roman. Now it was for Wilby.

It was a bit overwhelming, realizing how easy it was to slip back into old patterns. They brought Wilby's blanket from the shelter and used it to get him acclimated to his new bed, then David settled on the couch to watch as Hope, Neal, Emma and Henry assaulted the dog with hugs and kisses. The excited Wilby couldn't stay still, jumping back and forth as he went around the house, investigating, and followed closely everywhere he went by the equally excited children.

"This is getting me quite dizzy."

And Killian was there as well. David wasn't entirely sure how he had ended up there, expect yes, he was, because hadn't he asked him to come?

Why had he done that again?

"He'll calm down eventually," David told Killian as Hope tackled Wilby into a hug and he began to enthusiastically lick her face.

"And them?"

"They'll calm down eventually as well," David replied, but he wasn’t so sure about _that_. He hadn't seen his children this excited in a long while. He couldn't quite figure out how this whole situation made him feel.

Neal came running up to the couch and jumped on David's lap, panting happily.

"Hi, buds," David rubbed Neal's head. "You like our new dog?"

"Yeah, he's great," Neal settled on his father's lap. David took a deep breath, burying his nose into Neal's hair and inhaling deeply. He was starting to feel as if he was about to burst out into tears, but he still couldn’t figure out why. "Why didn't we get a new dog earlier?"

"I…" _I don’t know_ , David wanted to say. _I don't know why we're doing it now. This feels wrong, I don't know how it feels_. But of course he couldn't tell his son that, so he gave him a different answer, which was not a lie but not the whole truth. "We needed to find a dog that we all liked."

"Because he's going to live with us, right?"

"Right," David slumped down on the couch, Neal still on his lap. He turned his head slightly to watch as Killian got up to join the children, and they excepted him immediately, Hope falling onto his lap as she rubbed Wilby's exposed stomach.

Suddenly it hurt, it hurt so badly David could barely take it. He took a deep breath as Neal snuggled into him, pushing all those odd emotions far, far down where he would not need to think about them or deal with them, and then turned all his attention to his son.

*

After Killian left, after dinner, after Hope and Neal's bedtime, after David read Henry one of the stories from his fairytale book, after Henry fell asleep, after Emma took Wilby out for a walk, came back, talked on the phone to Augustus and Lily for half an hour each and to Regina for an hour, and after Emma fell asleep with her phone in her hand and David placed it on her bedside table, and after he moved between the four children, making sure they were all safe and sound and sleeping, he made his way back down, settled on the sofa chair in his bedroom and burst into tears.

His whole body shook as David curled into himself and placed his fist into his own mouth to muffle the sounds. Not that he was worried that the children would hear them. The stone walls and ceiling separating him from his girls and boys made it impossible for them to hear anything going on down there. Mostly the quieting down was for his own benefit. He didn't want to have to hear his own pathetic crying, his pathetic inability to control his emotions.

Or even fucking know _what_ it was that he was feeling.

David bit his skin, hard enough to hurt, pushing his legs up to his chest like a little child. He wanted a hug, he wanted someone to hold him, but he didn't have anyone to do that. He was all alone.

A little whimper alerted David to the fact that he was no longer alone in the room. He looked up through blurry eyes to find Wilby standing in front of him, nosing at his bare feet as if asking secret permission for something. Feeling guiltier than ever, David uncurled himself and slumped down on the chair, limbs falling from the chair.

Wilby wiggled his tail and pounced, placing his front paws on David's lap and leaning over to lick at David's nose.

"Hi there," David rubbed Wilby's ear as the dog licked the tears covering his cheeks.

Wilby whimpered and nudged David with his nose.

"I'm ok," David promised, allowing the licks. "Promise. I'm sorry I left you alone outside. Why don't we go to sleep, huh?"

He gently pushed Wilby back on the floor before standing up and undressing, all the while observed by the dog. David was almost entirely sure that he was reading into things, but he thought Wilby looked nervous as his eyes followed David while he shed his clothes and put on his boxers. The dog followed David to brush his teeth and then back out, and when David slipped into the bed, Wilby spread himself on basically all the available space.

_Luckily it's only me on the bed_ , David thought as he snuggled down. _Otherwise you wouldn't have that much space, Wilby_.

He bit his lip to stop from crying again.

*

David found himself back in the brightly lit forest he'd seen in a few of his wet dreams. He was standing in a clearing, feeling the cool breath on his face. It felt calming, it felt nice. He wanted to stay there for a long time, he wanted to bring his children here, camp out, let them run around.

"David, love, give me a hand here."

The drawl came from above David, and he jumped, startled. He looked up, to find himself staring at Killian, trapped in a net, swinging above his head. There was a long, moss-covered rope hanging besides the net, and David guessed that if he tugged on it, Killian would come tumbling down.

"Killian?" David frowned. "What are you doing up there?"

Killian snorted, leaning against the ropes of the net, "It's your dream, love, how should I know?"

"It is, isn't it?" David wondered. "It is a dream. Why can't I wake up, then?"

"Perhaps you don’t want to, darling," Killian shrugged. "But let's talk about how you're imagining me all tied up and waiting for you-"

"David."

David's heart stopped. He closed his eyes briefly before looking up.

Mary-Margaret swung from an identical net, about ten feet away from Killian's. She was dressed in a long white dress, and her hair was long, the way it had been before the grabby hands of baby Emma had made her declare she was 'cutting it, and that's that', after which point she always had very short hair. But her face was the same as if had been when she died.

"David, bring me down," Killian said, and David turned back to him.

"I'll bring you down," David promised.

"David, you can’t."

He stopped, and turned around again to look at Mary-Margaret, who was smiling down at him sadly.

"Why not? Do you want me to take you down first?" He could do that, that was fine. Killian was strong, Killian was brave, Killian could wait a few more minutes.

"Dave, love," David's head whipped over to Killian. "You can only take one of us down."

"I-" David's eyes widened as he looked up again, realizing that the two nets were connected by long ropes, creating something resembling weights. They were holding each other in place. If he brought one down it would make the other fly into the air. It didn't make much sense, but this was a dream, after all, so it didn't need to make sense.

It was still real.

"You have to choose, David," Mary-Margaret told him.

David shook his head dumbly, "I don’t understand. Why can't I save both of you?"

"That's not how this works."

"But _why_ -"

"It just isn't, David! You can't love two people at the same time, you need to choose!"

David looked at his wife's face and said, "But I don't love him."

"You will, eventually, won't you?" Mary-Margaret replied, bitterly. "It's only a matter of time."

"No, I love _you_ ," David tried to defend himself. "I've loved you since I was sixteen."

"Come on, love. Don't lie to your wife," Killian's voice purred in his ear. Or at least that's how it seemed. When he turned, Killian was still hanging in his in his net, smiling ( _leering_ ) down at him. "You know that she can't compete with me. I'm alive and warm and give you pleasure. How can a mere memory _possibly_ compare with that?"

"You promised me, David," Mary-Margaret said. "Remember? You promised me that we had a love that nothing could tear apart. You said that we were two halves of the same heart. Don't you remember?"

"I remember," David whispered.

"But you're betraying that," Mary-Margaret whispered back.

"You're dead!" David screamed, fury and anguish pouring out of him like black ink, painting the whole forest in black. "You're dead and I can't save you anymore!"

He heard thunder in the distant, and a gust of wind whipped through the leaves.

"Yes, I'm dead. I'm dead so your daughter could live. I died to give your daughter life and this is _how you repay me_?"

The words were screamed at him, leaving him numb from far too much pain. He took a step towards Mary-Margaret.

"David, don't," Killian warned, but Mary-Margaret smiled sweetly at him and she was right, he owed her.

Killian's voice pierced the air again, like a spear into all the black.

"You don't owe her anything, love. She's dead, she's gone-"

"David," Mary-Margaret tilted her chin. "You need to stay with me."

"I know," David whispered as he grasped Mary-Margaret's rope. He was going to bring her down, he was going to be back with his wife, that safe and familiar place. And Killian would be fine, he deserved someone better than David. Someone cleaner that didn't come with so much baggage.

But it hurt, it was physically painful, as if his own arm was fighting him, trying to pull towards Killian while he tried to push it forwards to Mary-Margaret.

"Love-"

"Shut up!" Mary-Margaret screamed, suddenly looking almost…dead. She had always been pale, but now her skin looked like snow. And before he could think about what he was doing, David tugged at Mary-Margaret's rope, bringing her down.

"No, David! David!" But David couldn't look away from Mary-Margaret. He'd missed her so _much_.

"It's ok," Mary-Margaret whispered. David took a deep breath and held on to her. But it didn’t feel right. It felt very wrong. She felt cold and hard, she felt like a corpse.

Then David heard a horrifying scream, and he turned his head, but Killian was gone. He wasn't there anymore. He was _gone_. David turned to look back at Mary-Margaret, to ask her why he had to choose between the two of them, but she wasn't there anymore either.

Instead, there was a white grave lying on the inky black forest floor.

And David was completely alone.

He woke up screaming and panting, and only the presence of Wilby and his comforting licking could cool down his hysteria.

"I'm ok," David breathed out. "Everything's ok, Wilby."

He wasn't. And it wasn't.

*

The next day passed in a bit of a blur. In the morning Emma and Henry disappeared to spend the day with friends, and he played and read to the two little ones, took them and Wilby to the park and library and Granny's and then back home, watched a movie with them, gave dinner and bathes and bed, saw Wilby settled in besides Hope on her bunk bed, and when it was all over he sat down in the living room with a book to wait for Henry and Emma to return, and realized he could not remember one strong emotion he had felt the entire day.

He tried to read, to get his mind off things, but no matter how hard he tried he couldn’t focus, the words floating past his eyes without ever being absorbed in his mind. His eyes kept moving back to his phone. He wanted to call Killian, he wanted to hear his voice. But he couldn't gather enough energy to reach the device. While his children weren't in the vicinity, no longer needed him to be strong, he couldn't be. He couldn't force himself to move, to care, to make an effort. It was best to just lay there, trying not to think, so hopefully by the time Henry and Emma came back home he could put on the necessary mask to stop them from seeing how pathetic he was being.

The door flew open and Henry's cheery voice called out, "Daddy, I'm home!" And David took a deep breath.

"Hi, buddy," David waved Henry over, and when the boy rushed to his side, he put his arm around Henry's shoulders, squeezing lightly. Henry was home, Henry was ok, Henry was safe. He didn't want to ever let go, he wanted to keep his baby boy like that with him, forever, in the safety of his arms where David could fight off anything and everything that would try and hurt him. "Violet's mother drove you home, right?"

"Yes, Dad," Henry smiled up at him. "Like you asked her."

"Ok, ok," David waved a hand. "Just making sure."

"But I could probably walk home on my own," Henry added.

David looked down at the ten-year-old, "Maybe in a few years. But you're still a bit too young. You can walk home alone, but not in the dark."

Henry shrugged, "Ok then. I'm going to go to sleep, you should probably go to. You're looking really tired, Daddy."

David swallowed and tried to smile down at Henry. It wasn't a very good smile, so he elected for the truth. More or less, "I'm tired. It was a long day. Why don't you head up to bed, or do you want to read a story together first?"

"Maybe tomorrow," Henry jumped up and gave David a strong hug. "You _really_ need to get to bed fast, Daddy."

David kissed Henry's forehead before the boy bounced his way up the stairs and disappeared into his room. David sighed and collapsed back into the couch.

He must have fallen asleep, because the next thing he knew, Emma's blond head was looming over him, her brow crinkled in worry, and she looked so much like her mother that David felt tears prickle his eyes. He took a deep breath, forcing the tears back into his eyes.

"Hi, honey," David whispered, forcing himself to sit up. It was like moving with hundreds of weights tied to his body. Every movement was a struggle, a fight, but he had to get there. He refused to allow Emma to see him like this. She had enough on her mind. She could _not_ know that there was anything wrong with him.

"Hi," Emma was watching him curiously, and he tugged her down to sit next to him on the couch. "Is everything ok?"

"What? Oh, yes, of course," David smiled. Or at least tried to. "I'm just very tired. How was your day?"

Emma watched him silently, "You should get to bed, Daddy."

And then she stood up and walked away. David waited until Emma disappeared into her room before he allowed the tears to tumble down his cheeks.

*

Killian was sharpening one of his fishing knifes when the phone rang. He frowned, putting his tools down to pick the phone up. It was Emma.

"Emma?"

"There was a moment of silence and then Emma said, very quietly, "Can you come over?"

Killian frowned again and looked at the clock. It was almost ten.

"I left the front door open," Emma continued, still whispering.

"Emma, darling, what's wrong?"

"I don't know," Emma replied, sounding frightened, confused, and oh so very young. "There's something wrong with Dad."

Killian stood up, "I’ll be there in a few minutes."

"Thank you," Emma breathed out heavily before disconnecting the call.

*

When Killian walked into the loft, he found Emma sitting on the top of the stairs, still dressed in her day clothes, hugging herself. Her eyes found Killian and he could see her immediately relax, before she pointed at the living room and escaped back to her room. Killian frowned and turned his head around slowly.

David was lying on his side spread out on the sofa, his arms swinging down the side, fingers touching the floor. You'd think he was a sleep if it wasn't for his wide-open eyes, which were dazed and unfocused and clearly not seeing anything.

"Oh, David," Killian sighed deeply and walked over to the living room. He leaned down next to David and ran his fingers through the honey-blond hair.

David blinked, and very, very slowly, his eyes moved over to Killian. For a moment there was no recognition in those beautiful blue eyes, but then David closed his eyes and whispered, "You need to leave."

"No, David, love," Killian shook his head and leaned over, kissing David's forehead. "I'm not leaving you."

David took a deep breath and opened his eyes. And now there was recognition in his eyes, but so much pain as well that Killian almost wished he could return him to the apathy. Almost.

"Please leave, Killian," David repeated. "I don’t…I just want to be alone."

"Love, alone is the last thing you need to be right now," Killian argued. David just shook his head and turned away slightly.

Killian took a deep breath and stood up. He grabbed hold of David, pushing him up into a seated position, as if he were a doll. David was almost entirely dead weight as Killian pulled him on his feet and dragged him into the bedroom. He took one look around it (he'd never seen if before), finding it to be neat and warm room, with a large plush bed, a dark brown closet, white side tables with lamps and alarm clocks and a small desk full of pictures of the Nolan family. Killian turned away from his examination and gently lowered David to the bed.

David was pliant under Killian's hands at the other took his shirt and pants off and tucked him under the covers. He then sat down cross legged on the bed and went back to caressing David's hair.

Killian swallowed as David closed his eyes again, and he lay down next to him, keeping the caressing going, eyes never leaving David until his breathing slowed and Killian knew he had fallen asleep.

"What's wrong with him?"

Killian looked up to see Emma, dressed in fuzzy pink pajamas, leaning against the open door and fidgeting with her fingers.

"He's just very tired, darling," Killian replied softly, and Emma walked in, sitting down next to her father and looking down at him.

"Just tired?" She asked quietly.

"He's tired in here," Killian sat up and poked Emma softly in the head. "And perhaps here as well," He poker himself where his heart was.

Emma swallowed, "I thought it would be better with you. But I don't think I've ever seen him like this."

Killian felt guilt churn though his stomach at that.

But then Emma added, "I think he talked to my grandparents, because Grandma Eva called me today and took me out for coffee. Well, hot chocolate, anyways. I was going to tell him when I got home but then…then this."

"He did talk to them," Killian said softly. "I'm sure he'll be very pleased to hear about this when he wakes up. Did you have a pleasant time with your grandmother?"

"It was nice, she only started crying once," Emma's eyes never left her father. "Will he be ok?"

"Yes, he will be," Killian replied, but he didn't feel very confident in that. It seemed enough for Emma though, as she breathed out, nodded and ducked in, kissing her father on the forehead.

"Thank…thank you for coming," Emma swallowed and stood up, still looking at her father. "You'll stay until he wakes up, right?"

"Have no fear on that regard," Killian said quietly. "I have no intention of abandoning your father."

"Good," Emma replied and turned away. "Stay."

He stayed.

*

When Killian woke up, it was to find David sitting up, starting down at him. There was fury in his eyes, pure and unhidden fury. But Killian was so relieved to find that the blankness was gone that he couldn't find it in himself to be worried. Until he reached out for David and the man flinched away.

"I asked you to leave last night."

Killian froze, then opened his mouth to speak, but David shook his head, and Killian closed his mouth again. He had good survival instincts, and they were telling him to keep quiet right now.

"What were you even _doing_ here?" David asked sharply.

"Emma called me-"

" _Emma_?" David jumped up from the bed, and Killian winced. "Why did Emma call you?"

"She was worried about you."

That was clearly the wrong thing to say. David slumped down on the sofa chair and covered his face in his hands.

"David…"

David shook his head, "I'm a terrible father."

"No," Killian replied immediately, scrambling up to rush over to David, falling down on his knees before the man, placing his hands on his knees. "You're a wonderful father."

David pushed away from Killian, throwing him off his balance. Killian fell down to the floor as David rushed into the ensuite bathroom. By the time Killian shuffled his way in there as well, David had thrown up in the toilet.

"Dave," Killian moved to touch David, but the man pushed him away, standing up and whipping his mouth on the back of his hand.

"I'm going to wake the kids up," David said dully, not looking at Killian. "I want you gone before the kids are down for breakfast."

"David-"

But David shoved his way past Killian without another word, hard enough to make him hit the wall.

*

"Everything's ok, sweetheart," David said as soon as Emma's eyes opened. He smiled as Emma blinked up at him, then raised her hands for a hug. He held on to her, bleary eyed and warm from sleep, as she breathed against his ear.

"Are you sure?" Emma mumbled.

"I'm sure," David replied, rubbing Emma's back. "I was just-"

"Tired?" Emma snorted and sat up in the bed. "That's what Killian said, as well. Is he still here?"

David's heart skipped a beat. He sighed deeply and sat down next to Emma, rubbing his face, "Listen. We need to talk, Emma. You shouldn't have called Killian, ok?"

"But I was worried about you-"

"I've said it before, and I'll say it again, you're my daughter, I'm your father, it's my job to take care of you and it's not your job to take care of me," David said sternly. "You don't need to worry about me, I can take care of myself."

Emma snorted, "Sure, Daddy. You keep telling yourself that."

*

By the time the four children (and Wilby) were up and they made their way back down, Killian was gone. David swallowed. He had asked Killian to leave.

Why was he disappointed that Killian actually listened to him?

At least he was feeling _something_.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hi everyone! Next update will be on Friday!


	9. Chapter 9

When the red truck stopped in front of Killian, he immediately grabbed the front door and opened it, to stop David from simply driving off after Emma left the car. The blond girl jumped out of the car and smiled gently at Killian before running up to the boat.

Killian opened his mouth to say something, but before he could, David said, "Let go, Killian."

"That, I can't do, Dave," Killian replied, to worried to be hurt. David looked gutted. "We need to-"

"If you say 'we need to talk' I swear to God I'm going to punch you in your pretty face."

Killian's eyes widened.

"Let go, Killian."

He let go. The car sped away, and Killian was left, rather shook, alone on the dock.

*

He tried to call David five times in the next hour. He texted him ten more times.

He got no response. The wise man would have given up. Killian kept on trying, on and on, as the day progressed, slower than any other day that he had ever experienced.

*

Killian was waiting for David when he exited the animal shelter. He froze as he looked at the man, leaning against the truck with a coffee cup in his hand and another on the hood. God, David wanted to kiss him. He wanted to go over to him and hide his face in Killian's stupid leather jacket and ger the warmth and comfort that he knew was waiting for him there. But he couldn’t. He couldn't risk it; it just wasn't safe.

"David, don’t make a man drink alone," Killian said, and he looked so carefree and relaxed that David felt anger rise in him. It wasn't that he wanted Killian to be unhappy, he just wanted him to be more…affected.

"I'm not in the mood for a drink," David said, deciding impulsively to walk to Neal's kindergarten. "Or a man."

"I'm sorry I didn’t listen to you today," Killian said, and as David kept walking he saw him get up and follow. "I know you feel like you got the weight of the world on your shoulders, but please. You've got to trust me."

And that was so wrong and so stupid that David didn't even fight the hand tugging him around so he was face to face with Killian.

"That's what you think this is about? That I don't _trust_ you?"

"Is that not what this is about?"

"Of course I fucking trust you, you fucking dumb fuck," David wretched his hand out of Killian's grasp, despite every instinct in him telling him not to do so.

"Then why are you pulling away from me?"

"Because the one other person I've ever seriously been with is dead," David spit out. "Because I lost her and I can't lose you too."

And then he saw it, in Killian's eyes, the proof that he was affected. And he hated himself so much for having wished it. How could he have wanted to see that pain, that despair? Now he just wanted Killian to put back his mask, to return to being the flirty, swaggering seaman. He didn't want to see him so hurt.

"Well, love, you don't have to worry about me," Killian said quietly. "If there's one thing I'm good at, it's surviving. I'll wither your emotional storm. I'm not going anywhere."

David shook his head, but Killian just moved forward, drawing him close. David shivered, wanting so badly to just collapse into Killian's arms, but also wanting nothing more than to turn and run, to run away and never look back.

"It's all right," A voice whispered into his ear, and David shook his head again, because it wasn't, it really wasn't. He was a terrible person; he didn't deserve this. "Yes, you do," The voice insisted, and David blinked, he hadn't realized he'd said that out loud.

"I-" David tried, but he was so tired, and so confused, that he just gave up and collapsed into Killian's waiting arms. And finally, he was safe again, and held and sheltered from the world. He felt himself being shifted around, but closed his eyes and let the movements roll over him. He didn't care about it at the moment. He didn't care about anything, really, other than that overwhelming feeling of _safe_.

It took a while, but eventually David felt himself come down from the strange high. He found himself laying in the back of the truck, his head in Killian's lap and a hand running through his hair gently. He took a deep breath and burrowed deeper into Killian.

"Oh, look who came back," Killian sounded like he was trying to keep a waver out of his voice. David turned his head so he could look up at Killian, and found to his shock that the man's eyes were red.

"What-I'm sorry," David croaked and started to sit up. Killian's hand stilled in his hair, and he looked down at him, so David collapsed back down. He didn't want Killian to stop caressing him. As soon as he settled back down, Killian went back to gently playing with his hair.

"Whatever for, love?" Killian sighed deeply and shook his head. "One day I shall cure you of your need to apologize for things that are not at all your fault."

David let out a short, slightly hysterical laughter, "I need to get to Neal and Hope-"

"We have a few more minutes," Killian interrupted. "I would like to discuss what has happened."

"I'd rather not," David replied immediately.

Killian snorted and said, "Why am I not surprised? But that's all right. No matter what, I'm not giving up on you."

David hid his face in Killian's chest again, "I don’t deserve you."

"Actually, I quite fancy you from time to time, when you're not yelling at me," He paused and then added, "But no, you do not. I doubt anybody could."

*

Killian wove his hands through David's hair, and cleared his throat.

"I think…David, I think it might be a good idea for you to go to Dr. Hopper," Killian said carefully.

David's eyes opened and focused on Killian, "The psychiatrist?"

"No, Dave, the paleontologist," Killian rolled his eyes.

David snorted and sat up, rubbing his eyes, "Come on. Let's go get the kids."

Killian rolled his eyes again and grabbed David's wrist, pulling him over to him. David lost his balance and fell halfway into Killian's lap. Killian smiled at David's confused look and leaned over to kiss him lightly. David stilled for a moment, but then opened his mouth. He didn't kiss back, just allowed Killian to kiss him breathless. Which was fine by Killian. He could take charge for the time being.

"Hello, love," Killian whispered.

David swallowed and hid his face into Killian's shoulder, breathing into Killian's neck.

"You'll go to Dr. Hopper?"

David sat up and shook his head, "I don't need help."

"You're a bloody fool if you think so," Killian said bluntly, and when David shook his head, Killian added, "You've gotten to the point where your own daughter feels the need to call for help on your behalf. Is that what you want? For her to feel that need?"

David stiffened, "No."

"Then go to Dr. Hopper, love," Killian let go of David's wrist to run his hand over the blond's cheek. David moved into the touch. "Please?"

David took a deep breath, "I'll think about it."

"Wonderful," Killian said cheerfully. "I'll make an appointment in your name."

"Killian-"

Killian made a show of looking at his watch, "We really must go pick the children up."

David sighed, but agreed. And as he never told Killian not to make an appointment, Killian elected to take that an invitation to do just so.

*

Emma breathed out at the sight of her father when she returned home from Augustus's that night. He was sitting at the kitchen table working on a puzzle with Neal and Hope. He was smiling down at her younger siblings, and it looked real.

"Emma, sweetheart," David said when he saw her, raising to greet her, giving her a long, hard hug. Emma went over to the table and rubbed Neal and Hope's heads before moving over to the living room, where Killian was sitting next to Henry on the couch, showing him his compass.

"He seems better," Emma said quietly as she came to sit next to the captain.

"I think he's better, yes," Killian replied, just as quietly.

Emma finally breathed out.

But she kept an eye on her father throughout the evening, making sure that while they had dinner and the little ones were put to bed everything with him was normal. By the time Hope and Neal were sleeping and her dad came back down, rubbing his hands and asking if they wanted to watch a movie, she was relaxed enough to put her worries aside and snuggle down next to her father under the wool blanket her Grandma Ruth made years ago and begin fighting Henry over what movie to watch.

They ended up watching _Die Hard_ , because old classics never fail (and incredibly, it turned out that Killian had never seen _Die Hard_ , and that could not stand), and Emma leaned her head on her father's chest, and yawned. Half way through the movie, when she was getting to that stage between sleep and consciousness, Emma looked up from the movie to find her father not watching the screen, but looking down at her instead with a proud smile on his face.

She fell into sleep easily after that, feeling safer in her father's arms then she could anywhere else.

*

Killian looked down at the couch. David was sprawled down in a seated position, one hand around Emma, who had fell asleep with her head on David's lap, and one around Henry, who's head was on David's shoulder. The three were breathing nearly in unison as the light of the TV illuminated them. They'd fallen asleep one after the other, and when the credits began to roll Killian realized that he had three sleeping Nolans on his hands.

Slowly and carefully (he didn’t know exactly what children did if you accidently woke them up. Punch you in the cock, maybe? He could see both Henry and Emma doing that) Killian reached over to poke David in the chest.

David started and blinked, making the children shift slightly in their sleep. But both simply mumbled and snuggled back down.

"Hello there," Killian smiled. David was unbearably cute like this, fuzzy from sleep and draped in both sides by his children.

"Did I fall asleep?" David mumbled. He looked at the TV and blinked. "Oh. We missed half the movie."

He looked ridiculously put upon.

"You can watch it again tomorrow," Killian replied, reminded of how he had comforted Neal with similar logic earlier that evening. David sighed.

"Ok, I'll start with Henry," David mumbled, sounding like he was talking to himself.

After that, Killian was entirely useless. David gently moved Emma so she was lying diagonally on the sofa, then heaved Henry up in a fireman's hold, which for some inexplicable reason did not wake the lad up, before carrying him up the stairs. He then returned for Emma, and made small hushing sounds as he brought her up to a seated position. With her eyes still closed, Emma groaned and allowed her father to lead her towards the stairs. At which point David mumbled, "Stairs, princess," and obediently, Emma placed one foot in front of the other, going up the stairs with her father's hand on her back as a guide. Emma disappeared into the bedroom along with David, who came out a few moments later with Wilby at his side.

"Ok, that's four," David slumped down the stairs and Killian grabbed his wrist to pull him into an embrace. David stiffened for a moment against Killian before breathing out deeply and bringing his hands up around him. They stayed like that for a bit, Killian's stumped arm curling around David's neck and his hand in David's hair, pulling him as close as he could get him.

"Let’s get you to bed then, love," Killian whispered.

David huffed, then suddenly Killian was detached from David's body and shoved into the bedroom. He heard Wilby barking for a moment before David shoved the bedroom door closed and pushed Killian down on the bed.

"David-"

"Shut up," David said viciously as Killian hit the bed and he straddled his legs, leaning over him before taking his shirt off. "I don’t want to talk, Killian."

That was quite all right by Killian. He grinned and sat up, grabbing the back of David's neck to pull him into a burning hot kiss. David whimpered against Killian's mouth when Killian captured his tongue and sucked on it, hard, before releasing it to bite down on David's lower lip and shoved him, turning them around so now he was the one straddling David. The blond hit the soft bed with wide eyes and Killian pushed backwards for a moment, to get a clearer view of the stunning man.

"David," He mumbled, though he knew he wasn't supposed to be talking. "Bloody hell, David, you're the most beautiful man I've ever seen."

He ran his hand across David's perfectly sculped chest, down to the thin blond line of hair down to his pants buckle, but David's hand stopped him and Killian looked up, finding David looking at him with an intensity that he could not understand. Killian took his hand away from David's pants to place it, splayed out, next to David's head.

"What's wrong, love?" Killian asked, then sighed deeply. "That was a foolish quest-"

"I'm sorry," David said, closing his eyes. "I can't-I thought- but I can't do it tonight."

Killian felt enormous disappointment churn in him, but he forced it down and settled down next to David on the bed, saying, "We don't have to, then."

David sighed deeply, "I'm sorry. And don't- I know what you're going to say, that I have nothing to apologize for. I just…I keep sending you through an emotional rollercoaster."

"I find it exhilarating," Killian replied, honestly, and David snorted.

"You're a strange man," Killian was informed, and he couldn’t quite argue with that.

"I'm a _unique_ man," He said anyways.

"Yeah, that's true," David humphed. For a few moments they sat there in silence, before David carefully said, "It's just, I was starting to feel good, and I couldn't help but think that somehow, you know, somehow that was betraying her? Especially since, you know, I was feeling good because of, um…"

"Sex, Dave, the word you were looking for is sex."

"I haven't hadd sex with anybody other then her in so long, I guess it was a bit…a bit overwhelming that I had enjoyed it so much, the other day. And then with getting Wilby and talking to Eva and Leopold and-"

"It was too much."

"It was too much," David agreed.

Killian turned to look at David, and suddenly had an idea, "Will you…tell me some more about her? So you don't feel so much like she is being left behind."

David blinked a few times, "What do you want to know?"

Killian shrugged, he didn’t much care. He wanted to know about Mary-Margaret because it got him closer to David, not because there was anything he truly wanted to know of the woman, so he just said, "About the beginning?"

That was a very good place to start (Emma had played _Do Re Mi_ from the Sound of Music for Hope while they were making a puzzle together earlier that evening and it got somewhat lodged in his mind).

"The start, huh?" David hummed thoughtfully.

And then he started talking.

"We were friends from childhood. I mean, there were twenty-five children in our age group, so everyone was friends with everyone unless they actively hated them. I don't remember her much from our early childhood. I was much closer to Kristof and Gabriel and Zelena-have you met her? She's an _insane_ woman. Anyways. I only got close to Mary-Margaret when we were, I don't know, around twelve? She stole the candy I was going to give to Abigail. I ran after her out of the classroom into the park and we tumbled around a bit. She ended up on top, obviously, and we were friends since then."

Killian grinned. That was very much like David, to become friends with a girl because she beat him. He doubted he would have done the same if the candy thief had been another boy.

"When we were fifteen, we started with the parties," David continued. "The spin-the-bottle, and then truth or dare. It started with kisses and hand jobs, then blow jobs, then Mary-Margaret dared me to take her virginity. So we went into the bedroom and I thought we would sit there for a few minutes before coming out and declaring that we'd done it. But then she started taking her clothes off. And that was the night we made Emma."

Well, that was blunt.

"We were so dumb, we thought we couldn't possibly get pregnant because we were both virgins at the time," David said, and when Killian snorted he added, "We were fifteen, remember?"

Killian raised his hand in submission, "All right, yes. Yes. Go on then, love."

David's hand caught Killian's and squeezed before letting go.

"I know a lot of people thought that we'd stayed together because she'd gotten pregnant," David said, eyes trained on the ceiling. Killian got the distinct feeling that he was trying to see if he could magically acquire X-ray vision should he stare hard enough. "Zelena said I was lucky that the girl I knocked up was the daughter of the richest couple in town. Well, the way she put it was: _'richest other than my mother, naturally'_. She's Regina's half-sister, you know."

"She sounds like a charmer," Killian rolled on his back.

David let out a small laughter. It was more of a snort than anything else, but it made a smile ghost Killian's lips anyhow.

"She's something, that's for sure. But you know, she wasn't the only person to hint that. Just, you know, the only one to come out and _say_ it," David sighed. "Mary-Margaret and I used to tell each other that we had a true love that nothing could break. Like in the Princess Bride. _'Death cannot stop true love'_."

David's attempts at a British accent were atrocious, but Killian elected to ignore it.

"And then she actually did die, and I thought, well, the noble thing would be to keep pining over her, love her from the grave. I thought…I owed her. I owed her that."

"Owed her?" Killian frowned. "You mean for dying?"

"For Hope."

Killian pushed himself into a half-seated position, "What do you mean?"

David looked at him and took a deep breath.

"Two weeks before Hope's do date, we took the children to the farm to see my mom and James. It was Christmas Eve, so it was snowing."

David clenched his hands into fists, and Killian moved his to touch David, but aborted the movement at the last second.

"She started getting contractions at around ten at night. James and my mother stayed with the kids, and I took the truck, with Mary-Margaret in the back. We drove for a while but then-then-"

David let out a chocked sob.

"You don’t have to tell me-"

"Killian?"

"Yes?"

"Stop fucking talking."

Killian stopped.

"There was rotten ice on the road, I hit it, careened off and hit a tree. We were- we were both fine, somehow. And I thought, I thought it was such a fucking miracle," David laughed, a horrifying, dead laughter. It made Killian shiver, reminding him off another laugh he'd heard once, right before he lost his hand. "But that was when Mary-Margaret started screaming. 'She's coming, she's coming'."

"She…in the _car_?"

"I called an ambulance, but-but," David buried his face in his hands, and Killian had just decided that enough was enough when David rolled so his body was lying half on top of Killian's, burying his face in Killian's shoulder. Killian immediately brought his hand up to caress David's hair. "At some point since the last time we were at the doctor's, Hope had turned. Her legs were facing the entrance."

"Oh, David," Killian closed his eyes. He could see where this story was going, now.

"I realized that something was wrong, and I screamed at her, 'stop, hold her back!' But she couldn't. She just said, 'I can't, she'll die'."

Killian felt tears hitting his shoulder.

"And then…then she was _screaming_. And it was so loud, so much louder than she had in any of the other births, and there was blood. There was so much blood and Hope-Hope came out. And she was _perfect_. Small and beautiful and perfect. And she started crying, so I gave her to Mary-Margaret."

David shivered.

"She held her, and then she said, 'goodbye, Hope'. She smiled and handed Hope back to me. Those were her last words. Because that was when she started convulsing," David held on to Killian tight enough to hurt.

Killian kept quiet.

"She died on the ambulance, on the way to the hospital. They tried to take Hope, to check her and clean her. I didn't let them, I couldn't. I don’t think I let go of her for two days. If…if we'd been in a hospital, they'd have done a C-section on Mary-Margaret, and everything would have been fine."

Killian stilled, and looked down at David's golden head, "And you think that's your fault, do you?"

"I hit the ice, Killian."

"In the middle of the night, in a road I assume had very few lights?" Killian waited for David to hesitantly nod his agreement. "And how could you have known Mary-Margaret would go into labor that night? Are you a medium, as well as a prince charming? Or perhaps you should have been able to tell that Hope had moved around in there?"

He thought he'd made some rather fantastic points, but David just shook his head and said, "It doesn’t matter. I was the one driving. It makes it my responsibility."

"You must know that's not true," Killian said, rather desperate. "David, please tell me you have not spend the last three years believing that you're responsible for your wife's death?"

David shivered and said, "It's either that or blame Hope. And I can't do that."

"What about blaming it on horrific circumstances?"

"Is that what you say to yourself, about awful things that happened to you?" David asked, pushing away from Killian.

Killian swallowed, not looking at David, "We're not talking about me, love."

"No, we're talking about me. We're always talking about me," David's eyes narrowed. "You asked me trust you, and I do. I've told you things I've never talked to anybody about. But trust has to go both ways or it's useless."

He was right, of course. Only, the reason Killian didn't want to tell David about his past wasn't a lack of trust. It had nothing to do with trust or the lack of it. He trusted David.

He still wasn't going to tell him anything.

So instead he did what he considered the next best thing, and placed his hand on David's chest. Very, very slowly moving down to that enticing bulge in the blond's pants.

And then his wrist was captured and pinned above his head and David was looming over him.

"This isn't a porno," David said, and Killian nearly whimpered because was David quite sure about that? It certainly felt like the beginning of a rather tantalizing one. "You can't just try to distract me with sex so I'll stop asking you questions you don't want to answer. It's insulting. _And_ it cheapens the actual sex."

" _Cheapens_?"

"Well, is sex a commodity you're giving me in exchange for the answers I asked for?"

Killian opened his mouth and then realized he didn't have much to say, so did the logical thing and closed it again.

"That's what I thought," David scoffed, and pushed away from him. Killian slumped back on the bed for a moment, listening as David went out of the bedroom and hearing him murmuring quietly to Wilby. He waited for a moment before getting up and going out of the bedroom.

David was sitting with his legs folded on the floor, fingers scratching Wilby gently behind the ears and gaze focused on the top of the stairs. Killian watched him silently for a moment before taking a deep, deep breath and coming to sit next to the blond.

"When I was seventeen, I started working for Milah's father's fishing boat."

David's hands stilled on Wilby's fur for a moment before he continued his petting. Killian took that as an invitation to keep going. He wished David had simply told him to stop.

"I was…well, there were some lads there who did not feel quite comfortable being around me-"

"Because you're gay?"

Killian nodded, then remembered that David was staring at Wilby and couldn't see him.

"Yes," Killian said. "I should not have allowed it to bother me. It was foolish of me. I suppose that I was young and rather foolish. So, I made the decision to seduce Milah."

David coughed, " _What_?"

"Yes, well," Killian shrugged, "I was twenty at the time, she was twenty-six and had just married. Mr. Gold. Bloody rich fucker. I suppose she was looking for a while out. Thought she'd make herself a rich housewife."

"And that didn't work?"

"Well, she ended up hating the fucker, so I suppose not," Killian snorted, remembering the nights he and Milah had gone out drinking, and she'd spend the whole time complaining about her boring husband and his boring life that she was now trapped into. She had been so beautiful back then, eyes alight with fury. If Killian was even a little bit less bent, he would have found her irresistible. "She did not get the adventure she'd been looking for."

"So she looked for it in sex with other men."

"Yes, I suppose that's one way to put it," Killian snorted. "And I wanted to prove my supposed heterosexuality, so it appeared to be a win-win situation."

"But?"

"It was quite unlucky that my dalliance with Milah was the one Mr. Gold found out about," Killian took a deep breath, feeling his heart pounding hard in his chest. It was pounding so hard it was physically painful.

David turned away from Wilby and looked at Killian intently. They stared at each other for a moment before David said softly, "Go on."

"I…" Killian looked down at Wilby. He didn't want to speak of what happened next. But he could feel David's eyes burrowing into him and knew that it would not go well for him should he stop speaking. "We were in the boat one day when Gold showed up. He yelled at me, accusing me of fucking his wife-"

"Rightfully."

"Well, yes," Killian sighed. He raised his stump and looked at it. "He came with a gun."

"A _gun_?"

Killian looked up to look at David, whose eyes had widened nearly comically. His fingers had stilled on Wilby's fur, and the dog nudged at him, demanding more attention.

"David-"

"Keep going," David said sharply.

Killian rubbed his eyes with his hand in an attempt to stop any tears from falling down, and obeyed.

"It was foolish," Killian said quietly. "I should have just kept quiet. Or try to placate him. But I didn’t…I didn't think-"

"That he'd actually do something," David said calmly. "I can understand that. You were young, and young people are stupid."

Killian choked on his own spit and shook his head, "I suppose that's true."

"Go on, then."

They sat in silence for a few moments while Killian steeled his nerves, and then he decided that clearly the best way to do this was too simply say it very, very quickly.

"I laughed at him and told him that he wouldn't do anything, that he didn't have the nerve. And so he shot me."

David startled, "Just like that?"

"Just like that," Killian closed his eyes. "First, I heard Milah screaming, and then Gold screamed as well. Then I saw it-the blood and bone and skin and flesh that had come off of me. And then I felt the pain."

It had been unbearable. Killian had never before nor after felt the intensity of pain that he had felt at that moment, when it had finally hit him. He's screamed, screamed and cried like an infant as he watched what was left of his hand color the deck. For years he had seen that horrific image every time he closed his eyes. Sometimes he still saw it, in his dreams. He didn't think he would ever be free of it.

"He took my hand off," Killian choked out, and looked down at the floor. "Gold spent a few years in prison. I left, didn't return to London for years."

Killian shivered and brought his legs up to his chest, hugging himself as though he'd somehow regressed to childhood. He felt two arms going around him, pulling him against a warm chest. And then David placed his chin on Killian's shoulder and suddenly Killian felt safer and more protected and secure then he had in years. So Killian allowed himself to melt into the hold, allowed David to gently get him up and steer him back into the bed, allowed himself to be laid down and held, and lay there with his head on David's chest, listening to the other man's breathing.

Killian's wasn't sure how long had passed, but it felt like quite a while before David whispered, "Are you still awake?"

"I'm awake," Killian mumbled back, tracing David's chest with his fingers.

"I thought you were asleep," David added, and held on tighter to Killian.

"Sorry to disappoint," Killian mumbled, half-way there.

"You don't- I'm the one who should apologize."

"Whatever for?" Killian asked, genuinely confused.

David sighed deeply, and Killian could feel it under his skin.

"I shouldn't have asked you all those questions," David replied, and Killian almost snorted. Rather nice of him to come to that conclusion after the fact.

David seemed to be able to tell wat Killian was thinking, since he tightened his hold on the other man and said,

"I always tell the kids saying sorry doesn’t mean anything if you do the same thing again afterwards."

"Are you planning on doing the same thing again?" Killian asked dryly.

"No. I just mean that I know that saying sorry is not always enough."

Killian placed his palm on David's chest and moved it in slow circles up and down, "Don't you tell your kids it's polite to accept apologizes?"

"Accepting an apology doesn’t mean forgetting what happened. It just means forgiving."

Killian laughed, "You have an answer for everything, love."

"Thanks," Was David's dry response.

And it wasn't funny, but for some reason it made Killian laugh. Laugh and laugh, laugh until the laughter became a hysterical weeping, laugh until the hysteria subsided, laugh until he could barely breathe, laugh until exhaustion and pain lolled him into sleep.

And throughout it all, David silently held on.

*

Killian was forced out of sleep when the body he was laying on jerked upwards into a seated position, sending him flying into the air. He landed on the bed, blinking his eyes in confusion, and by the time his addled mind figured out what was happening David had bolted out of the room. It was rather unnerving how quickly David could act. And Killian couldn't even tell what he had reacted to.

Killian yawned, rubbed his eyes and considered just slipping back into sleep. But the thought of sleeping without David in the bed next to him was almost painful. He could not force himself to do it.

When Killian walked out of the bedroom and looked up, he saw the door to the little children's bedroom was open. Curious, Killian made his way upstairs and peeked in.

David was sitting in a rocking chair, Neal on his lap, hugging his chest. The little boy looked like he'd been crying, sniffing as he held on to his father as though he were drowning in the ocean and David was a log he held on to for dear life.

David caressed Neal's black hair and sang a quiet song. It was one of the oddest songs that Killian had ever heard. It appeared to be about a couple who woke up and could only speak in song. Killian had thought this before and he supposed that he would think it again- the Nolans were an odd little family.

Killian knew better than to interrupt David when he was in full-out 'father mode', so instead he waited until Neal was fast asleep and David gently placed him on the top bunk.

David turned and saw Killian. He smiled softly, looking quite exhausted, and slumped over to Killian. Killian put his arm around David's shoulders and brought him close. David breathed out as he collapsed into Killian's hold.

"Bad dream," David mumbled. "He dreamed a human-sized gummy bear was chasing him through the monkey enclosure at the zoo in Portland."

"Right…" Killian blinked.

"It's nice not to be alone when I wake up," David yawned, and it sounded like he had not quite meant to say it out loud.

Killian smiled to himself.

David sighed, "Let's get back to bed before someone else wakes up."

He took hold of Killian's hand and pulled him with him down the stairs and back into the bedroom. This time, Killian could tell that David was very much interested in doing something more then sleeping.

He was more than happy to recuperate. Killian placed his palm on David's chest and pushed him on the bed, climbing over him, feathering kisses over his chest. David's fingers tightened on Killian's hair as he went down, and latched over a spot on David's chest. He brought his hand down and slipped it into David's boxers, feeling his cock grow in his hand. David whimpered and buckled his thighs up into Killian's probing fingers as they went down to cup his ball. The sound David made caused Killian to bite down on David's flesh, wanting to mark, wanting to claim-

"Killian, Killian," David groaned and grabbed his wrists, tugging at them. Immediately Killian detached his lips from David's skin.

"Right, I assume you won't want any marks anywhere the kids can see?" Killian asked as his fingers worked over David's head.

"That…that means nowhere on my chest," David gasped, buckling into Killian's hand.

Killian raised an eyebrow, "You often walk around without a shirt on at home?" He liked that thought.

"Ever-ever try to get dressed in the morning when you have four kids running around? It needs to b-b-be done in stages," David yelped as Killian squeezed his now nearly hard cock.

"Is that so?" Killian purred, biting David's earlobe lightly and getting a hiss in return. "I think I want to be at the loft in the mornings, then."

David let out a breathy laugh, and Killian looked down at him for a moment. Eyes wide open, pupils blown, breathing heavily, face flushed. He was so fucking beautiful, and suddenly Killian wanted nothing more than to have David inside of him.

But he didn't know if he could have that yet, if that was the sort of thing that David was prepared to do. And if he asked, and David said no, he might lose the opportunity to blow David, which was the second best thing.

David blinked up at Killian and brought his hand up to tug Killian down to him, kissing him hotly, devouring his mouth, biting at his lower lip and sucking his tongue into David's mouth. Killian fell down into David's hold, getting hard and feeling his cock grind against David's. He whimpered into David's mouth and he brought his hand down to tug the rest of his and David's clothing off, grabbing both of their hard members in his hand, rubbing them together.

Pleasure pulsed through him as though a lighting bolt had just hit him. He kept on kissing David, allowing himself to be kissed by David, until he came hot and hard, vision whitening over for a moment. When he came back to himself, he was laying on top of David, and they were breathing hard, in unison. Killian probed David's cock, making sure that he had come as well. Which he had.

"Goodnight, love," Killian mumbled, and fell back to sleep before he could hear David's response.

*

David took a deep breath, fingers anxiously playing with the straps of his satchel. He looked up at the door he was supposed to be knocking on and couldn't quite find it in himself to do so.

 _Just fucking knock_ , David told himself. _It's not such a big deal._

Except it was. Or at least it felt like it was. It felt like this knock was harder then running a marathon (which he'd done once, thank you very much Jimmy). His hands refused to moved from their place on the satchel. Knocking meant admitting that he needed help, knocking meant admitting that he hadn't dealt with Mary-Margaret's death well, it meant a change would come.

"David?"

David blinked and looked at Killian.

But of course, a change had already occurred. A lot of changes had. He couldn't stop them from happening, a large part of him didn't _want_ to stop them from happening. The only thing he could do was make sure that as the changes came, he was ready to deal with them. So he took another slow, deep breath and knocked.

"Come in," Dr. Archie Hopper's voice called out. David, automatically, turned to look at Killian, who smiled reassuringly.

"Go in," He whispered, then pulled David in and kissed him, gently. "I'll be right here."

So David walked in.


	10. Chapter 10

"Shit, shit!"

David jumped in the air at the sound of Emma screaming up in her room. Hope, who he'd been giving a bath to, looked up from the rubber duck she'd been playing with and said, "Emmy swore."

"I heard," David rolled his eyes and then yelled, "Emma, come in here!"

There was muttering and then the bathroom door opened (dramatically) and Emma stomped in (dramatically) and said (while dramatically flipping her ponytail backwards), "The Pages say that they're not going to bring Lily over."

" _What_?" David stood up. "She's supposed to be here in a week-tell me what happened."

Emma shrugged helplessly and collapsed onto the floor, giving Hope what she probably thought was an encouraging smile. Hope flicked some water on her.

"Lily called me, she said her foster father told her that he has too much to do and he can't spare the time," Emma growled, rubbing her eyes in an attempt to stop the tears that clearly wanted to spill from coming out. "I was really looking forward to seeing her, you know?"

She looked up at him with wide, sad eyes, that rattled every paternal instinct inside of David. He needed to get rid of that look _immediately_.

"You will," David said with conviction. He pointed at Hope and said, "Will you help your sister get into her clothes?"

Emma nodded and David kissed her head before he left the bathroom.

He got his phone and flipped it around, trying to think who he could call. He needed to find someone to take Lily on for the week and a half she had planned to stay in Storybrooke, right up until the school year started. He doubted her foster parents would allow her to come stay at Granny's, but if he could get someone to agree to watch over her, perhaps he could convince the foster family to release Lily…

But who to call? Augustus had been close to Lily, before she was taken away five years earlier, but Augustus lived alone with his grandfather and David very much doubted Lily's foster family would allow her to stay in a home that had only two men in it. Cora's mansion certainly had enough space, but you couldn't trust Cora on something like this. It was very much like her to agree and then the day before or even on the actual day announce that she changed her mind.

 _He_ could take Lily on, of course. They could make room in Hope and Neal's bedroom if they moved some of the boxes around, but he doubted Lily would want to sleep in a room with two little children. And a mattress in Emma and Henry's room meant there was no space to reach the closet, which could be a problem.

David jumped when his phone starting ringing. He looked down at the caller ID. It was Leopold. That wasn't very surprising. During the past two weeks, Leopold and Eva had made a considerable effort to gently reenter their grandchildren's lives. They took Emma and Henry out to Granny's, picked the little ones and took them to the park a few times and came over twice for dinner. It had gone quite well, though there were a few hitches here and there. Hope refused to leave her kindergarten when Eva came to pick her up, Neal bit Leopold's hand when he tried to walk him across the crosswalk. But Hope also allowed Eva to swing her on the swings and Neal created a puzzle with his grandfather. All in all, David considered it a mild success.

Still, talking to them was never easy. It always reminded David of the past, and he half expected Leopold and Eva to ask to talk to Mary-Margaret whenever he answered the phone.

"David," Leopold said as soon as David answered the call. "I was wondering if you'd like to bring the children over for dinner tonight? Eva prepared…some sort of fish dish? I'm not entirely sure."

David placed the phone under his chin, poking his head through the bathroom door. Hope was out of the bath and getting dressed while she and Emma softly sang 'Old McDonald' together. He smiled at the sight- cooperation between his children was rare and needed to be cherished- and told Leopold, "I'll bring them over."

"What's wrong?" Leopold said. "You sound like something wrong."

David sighed and quickly explained to Leopold what was going on with Lily, "So, now I'm trying to figure out where we can put her for the week, I want her to come, but I'm not sure where…anyway, I'll figure it out."

For a moment Leopold kept silent, and then he said, "Let me talk to Eva about it, but maybe…maybe she can stay with us."

David straightened up, "You'd do that?"

"I'd have to ask Eva-"

"Yeah, I know, but… _you'd_ do that," David was shocked. He smiled automatically at Hope when she rushed out of the bathroom and gave Emma a thumbs-up, letting her know that he was taking care of things. Emma smiled and slumped down on the sofa in the living room, looking rather pleased with herself. "Are you sure? Where would you put her?"

"One the guest rooms, Davey," Leopold said gently. "Not Mary-Margaret's old room."

"I assumed that," David said quietly and sat down. "But it would still be all right with you?"

"It won't be easy," Leopold replied. "But it's another step forward, isn't it? I'll talk to Eva once she gets home from her book club. In the meantime, let me talk to someone."

David snorted and called out, "Guys! Grandpa is on the phone-"

"I'll take him," Henry bounced over and grabbed the phone. "Grandpa, listen to this…"

David didn't get his phone back for nearly half an hour. When he did, it was with a declaration from Henry.

"Grandpa says to tell you he asked Grandma Eva and she agrees."

David smiled to himself, and a few minutes later he got a message from Leopold.

_Send the kids with Emma, take the night off._

David blinked at the message, then called Killian.

*

Killian arrived at the loft half an hour earlier then he'd told David he would. As he came up the stairs he heard a sudden shrill scream that made him jump up and wonder if he'd accidently walked into a warzone. But then he heard David's stern voice saying, "Calm down, Henry," and realized that what he had walked into was much worse than a warzone.

It was a game of monopoly.

Why David kept playing that game with the two older children was beyond Killian. He'd yet to see a game end with anything other then a fight and on one memorable occasion a broke plate and a pie on Emma's face. Killian had had to work very hard to stop himself from laughing on that night. David, on the other hand, had _not_ been amused.

Killian took a deep breath, steeled himself and knocked on the door. He heard David sigh heavily and then Emma said, "I'll get it. Dad, make sure Henry doesn’t _touch my money_."

"No one is going to touch your money," Killian snorted when he heard how exhausted David sounded.

 _Oh, my poor darling_ , he thought as the lock turned in the door. _You sound like you're in desperate need of a blow job._

"Hi, Killian," Emma appeared at the door, moving to allow him to enter. Henry and David were sitting at the dining table in front of the monopoly table, that looked like it was in the middle of the game, and Hope and Neal were sitting on the floor with a large assortment of stuffed animals, pieces of paper and a plate.

They appeared to be playing a 'monopoly game' of their own.

"You're early," David said quietly as he stood up, and Killian shrugged as he brought his\m close to kiss his forehead.

"I suppose you're not ready to go?"

"You're supposing right," Henry said sharply, looking up at his father. "Sit _down,_ Dad. We're not done."

"We can finish the game tomorrow," David said sternly. "Go get dressed. You need to be at Grandma and Grandpa's soon."

"Killian is early, we have a few more minutes-"

"Bud, I'm stopping the game before you and Emmy kill each other," David sternly, and then suddenly yelled loud enough to make Killian jump, "Neal and Hope, up, up, up! Go get dressed!"

Immediately the two children scrambled up, saluted their father and scrambled up the stairs. David patted Killian on the shoulder and disappeared into the bedroom as well.

"Don't keep him out to late," Emma said as she took her phone out, snapping a few pictures of the monopoly board. When Killian frowned at her, she added, "In case Henry tries to change something before we continue the game."

"Screw you, Emma," Henry growled.

"I heard that!" David called out from above, and Killian placed a hand over his mouth to cover his smile.

"Question."

Killian turned to look at Emma, who was tilting her head at him with a near comically severe look on her face. He raised an amused eyebrow and asked, "Yes?"

"What date does this count as?" Emma asked. "I mean, it's the second time you're taking him out, but you've spent like every day with us so…second, or like, nineteenth?"

"I do not believe every time we meet counts as a date."

"So, it's only when you go out?" Emma tilted her head further. "This is the second date, then."

"I suppose," Killian frowned. "Does it matter, though?"

"Yes!" Henry and Emma said at the same time.

"And it matters because…"

"Because," Henry said slowly, as though he were explaining something to a particularly slow child. "We need to know to what base you-"

"Ok!" David stomped back out of his bedroom, face quite red. "Go get ready."

It took forty-three minutes (yes, Killian was very much keeping track) to get the children ready to go, and then another five minutes to get Wilby ready, since the dog didn't seem to want to leave the house for some unknown reason. But when everyone was finally ready, the children pounced out of the loft as though they could not wait to leave.

"Call me if anything goes wrong, ok?" David told Emma quietly when they reached the street. "If your grandmother has a hard time, or Hope and Neal need-"

"I'll call you," Emma rolled her eyes as she took Hope's hand and handed Wilby's leash to Neal. "I know."

"And if-"

"Oh my God Dad, enough, we're not _babies_ ," Emma spit out. "Calm _down_ , will you?"

"I'm completely calm, I'm the calmest I've ever been," David replied. "I'm completely zin."

Emma snorted, waved at Killian and steered her three siblings away. Killian watched David's eyes following the four children. It was only when they disappeared from view that he seemed to relax.

"Well, come on then, love," Killian placed his hand on David's back and led him towards his car.

"Where are we going?" David asked, allowing himself to be led. "Can I decide this time?"

"You?" Killian stopped, then snorted and shook his head. "No."

"Why not?" David frowned at him. "I know how to plan a date!"

" _You_ know how to stop a child from eating soap, _I_ know how to plan an evening out."

David glared at Killian, "That was one time. _One_ time."

"It only takes once," Killian replied dryly and opened the door to his car. "Hope almost ate soap, David!"

"Well, you said it yourself- _almost_. I stopped her," David slipped into the car.

Kilian got into the driver's seat and said, "But if you hadn’t been there, Hope would have eaten a fucking bar of soap."

"Point Killian," David mumbled, sulking slightly. Killian began driving, and found himself wishing, as he did on multiple occasions, that he still had two hands, so he could drive while touching David. But he only had one hand, and so he couldn't touch David while he drove them out of town.

Pity.

As they left Storybrooke, David blinked and looked around.

"Where are we going?" He asked. "I know we're not going to your boat this time…"

"We're not," Killian agreed. He thought for a moment and then added, "To be perfectly honest, I didn't have much time tonight to prepare. So, we're going to-" he took a deep breath.

"Enchanted Forest?" David now looked like he was trying hard not to laugh. "I know you find it hard to say that name out loud."

"It's a _stupid_ name," Killian nearly yelled.

"All right, all right," David raised his hands. "Enchanted Forest is a stupid name, noted. So, we're going to Æsop's Tables."

Killian rolled his eyes. Enchanted Forest being another one of those tiny little towns, there was only really one place he could take David there. He gave David a look, trying to ascertain how the other man felt about that. It would be the first time he took David to a pub, even if it wasn't the same pub David's father would have gone to (according to Ruby, Æsop's Tables had opened around twenty years earlier, six years after Robert Nolan's death. Ruby had seemed oddly interested in helping Killian think up dates for David). He was ready to turn around and take David to the restaurant in Arendelle instead.

But David shrugged and slumped down, "I've never been there. We'll leave if things get a bit too…rowdy?"

"Or loud or if the Wicked Witch of the West shows up, or if-"

"I get it," David placed his hand over Killian's mouth. Killian licked David's palm, and he yelped and took his hand off. "Killian!"

"If you put any appendage near my mouth, I'm going to lick it," Killian shrugged. David hit him on the back of the head, and Killian tried to stop himself from laughing, he really did.

But he was entirely unable to.

*

"David, darling!" David had to stop himself from yelping when he was enveloped in a powerful hug. He blinked, hands flailing for a moment before he patted Zelena on the back, not wanting to encourage her too much.

Zelena squeezed him hard enough to push the air out of his lungs. He let out a distressed squeak, hoping it would be enough to let her know that he _couldn't breathe._

"Poor David," Robin came up and gently detached Zelena from him. "How do you do, Killian?"

"Quite well, Robin, thank you," Killian came up and tugged David over, far away from Zelena.

"How are you doing?" David looked down at Zelena's round belly.

"Are you talking to me, or to little Pistachio-"

"We are not naming the child Pistachio," Robin said sharply, rolling his eyes. "Come now, Zelena, let's leave the lovebirds to their…"

"Loving?" Zelena grinned, allowing Robin to maneuver her back to their table. David snorted.

"I can never understand those two," David said as, like Zelena, he was led to a table.

Killian tilted his head so he could see Zelena and Robin, "I didn't know she was British."

"Oh, she's not, she grew up here," David waved his hand. "But Robin is, and she decided she liked the British accent when they got together."

Killian stared at him for a moment and then said, slowly, "For some reason I feel as though I should be insulted for all people of the British Isles."

"No need," David grinned. "Britain would be lucky to have her. She'd elevate the entire class of British crazy people."

Killian snorted and picked up the menu laying on the table, observing, "You like her."

"We grew up together," David said simply, shrugging. There wasn't much else he could say about that. Zelena had been there through it all. Their childhood and adolescence, entering fatherhood and the years that followed. Zelena had been there after Mary-Margaret's death.

"You say that like it's an answer to everything," Killian said. "I suppose it's another 'small town' thing?"

"I guess," David titled his head, thinking about it as Killian motioned over a waitress. He rolled his eyes. It was very much like Killian not to wait for David to be ready. He would probably order for David now. He was oddly territorial during the dates he took David on, not allowing him to make any choices for the two. He'd been the same on the first date. David didn’t mind it that much; it was nice not to be expected to make decisions for once. But it was getting slightly out of hand.

"We'll have two hamburgers and a plate of French fries, please."

There it was.

"Medium well, David?"

"Sure," David found himself thinking that he would be forced to have a conversation with Killian. Fine, so Killian was better at planning dates, but David was capable of picking his own food, thank you very much.

While they were waiting for the food to come, David found himself looking around. Zelena's hug-attack had taken his attention away from the place he was entering. Which was actually pretty good, since her attack had come at the exact moment he'd started almost freaking the fuck out.

It was the smell of alcohol in the air, that was the problem. It made him think of waking up in the middle of the night with James, hearing the front door open, and running down the stairs to find their father wobbling around, eyes glazed over and stinking of alcohol so badly all other smells had been pushed away.

But then Zelena had attacked, and by the time she'd been herded away by Robin, the panic that had started building had melted away. And it wasn't really coming back.

"David?"

"Hmm?" David blinked and looked back at Killian, who was leaning his chin on his hand and watching him intently.

"Are you all right?"

David thought for a moment and then nodded, "Yeah. I am."

Killian hummed thoughtfully as their food came and said, "That's rather good."

"Being all right is always pretty good," David agreed absently, picking up his burger and taking a bite. He hummed in appreciation. "This is actually pretty good. We should have a barbeque at the farm."

They used to have them quite often. He wasn't entirely sure why the barbeques had stopped. Unlike a lot of things in his life, he couldn't blame Mary-Margaret's death for that. The barbeques had stopped years earlier. Probably when they'd done to Portland. They just never went back to it. Maybe when James had started dating that horrible woman. They probably didn't want to have to invite her.

Fucking Cruella.

His mind was wondering now, clearly. He needed to get back on track.

David looked down at his feet, remembering his earlier decision to tell Killian not to order food for him.

So he said, "Don't order food for me."

Right. So he wasn't even _trying_ to be tactful.

Killian raised his eyebrow and said dryly, "That was rather blunt."

"Yeah, well," David shrugged helplessly. "Why be coy when you can be blunt and to the point?"

Killian gave David a heated look and said, "I prefer it this way. At least with a man like you one knows where they stand." He watched David for a moment and then added, softly, "I am aware that you are more then capable of selecting your own nourishment."

"That's good to know," David said dryly. "Then let me, all right?"

Killian traced his fingers on the table, tips tracing over the cracks in the wood.

"Why do you?" David prompted. "I mean, why do you insist on making all the decisions on our dates?"

Killian swallowed, then leaned backwards on his chair. He looked up at the ceiling and said, "I enjoy being in charge. Besides, it had occurred to me that you spend most of your day ordering four children around, and I assumed you'd enjoy the break-"

The rest of Killian's words were drowned under the sudden yelp of pain coming from behind them. David jumped up slightly in his seat and turned around to see that Robin had jumped out of his seat and rushed over to Zelena.

"It-it," Zelena yelped, turning wide eyes towards her husband. "Something's wrong! Something's-"

"Nothing's wrong," Robin and David said at the exact same time.

"You're just going into labor," David stood up and walked over to Zelena, who immediately grabbed his wrist and pulled him over.

"You're driving me to the hospital."

*

Killian watched with mild alarm (perhaps not mild) as Robin grabbed hold of Zelena and heaved her up from her seat, "You have to stay calm and breathe-"

"Shut up," The woman snapped, holding on to her husband for dear life. "I was a midwife; I know the drill."

"You weren't a midwife," David said sternly. He looked slightly pale as he helped Robin hold the wobbling woman up. "You were just _there_ when your mother gave birth to Regina, that doesn’t make you a midwife. And relax. You had one contraction, don't act like you're in the middle of labour."

"Not helping, Davey," Zelena groaned. "Just take us to the hospital."

Killian swallowed as David stilled and croaked out, "Robin-"

"Robin is not driving," Zelena said sternly. "I need him to sit in the back of the car with me and let me use him as a stress ball."

"I'll drive," Killian said quietly, and all three turned to look at him. "What? I can drive."

"I can drive," David said calmly, which was rather impressive, given how pale he was and the fear that was dancing around in his eyes. He took a deep breath and looked at Robin. "I'll drive you guys back to Storybrooke, Rob."

Robin nodded and looked down at Zelena, "Come on then, sweetheart, let's go to the car."

"All right," Zelena placed her head on Robin's shoulder and allowed him to lead her out of the pub.

David watched Zelena and Robin leave and then he started shivering, collapsing against Killian, as though he could no longer hold himself up on his own. And Killian pulled him closer, rubbing his neck.

"I can drive," Killian repeated. David didn't need to do this, drive another woman in labour to the hospital. It hit far too close to home. But David shook his head mutely against Killian's shoulder and pushed himself away.

"I can do it," He said softly. "Promise."

Killian reluctantly let go of David, and followed him out of the pub. They found Zelena and Robin climbing into the back seat of Robin's brown car. David took a deep breath and walked over to the front of the car.

"Ok," David said as he and Killian slipped into their seats. "Let's get going."

And they went.

*

 _Don't drive too fast_ , David told himself sternly. _It's fine, she only had two contractions, there's no rush_. He took a deep breath, fingers tightening on the steering wheel. Behind him, Robin was calling the friends who were babysitting Roland to let them know they will have to keep him overnight and Zelena was screaming (much more dramatically then was necessary, David thought, and it wasn’t helping his state of mind).

"Calmly, Dave," Killian murmured besides him, and placed his hand on the back of David's neck, squeezing lightly. "You're all right."

David blinked, realizing that tears were running down his cheeks. He roughly rubbed his eyes, but new tears just replaced the ones he had brushed away.

"I'm all right," David mumbled dully.

"That was very convincing, love," Killian said, speaking slightly louder in an attempt to be heard above Zelena's yelling. "If you want-"

"If you're going to offer to drive instead of me, Killian, I swear to fucking God I will lose my shit," David snapped. "I said I could do it, so I can fucking _do it_."

"I didn’t say-" Killian was drowned under a yelp coming from Robin. David looked back for half a second, seeing Robin glaring down at Zelena.

"There's no cause to _bite_ my hand," Robin growled.

"I was in pain!"

David caught Killian sigh and roll his eyes, and he repeated, "As I was saying. I don't think that you can't do it. But you don't have to. No one is forcing you to."

"He's right," Robin grumbled from behind them. "I can drive the car and you can allow Zelena to bite your skin off, yes?"

"Robin, you choose to marry her!" David snapped, and Zelena let out a maniacal laughter.

"He's not wrong, my darling," Zelena pushed herself against Robin. "You chose to love me, to marry me, to put Pistachio inside of me-"

"We're not naming our child Pistachio!"

"Shut up!" David barked. It was suddenly far, far too loud. He needed to focus on the road under him, so he could get Zelena safely to the hospital, do for her what he couldn't do for his wife. He wasn't going to lose Zelena as well. And unlike Hope, this baby would be born in a safe and calm environment if it was the fucking last thing he did.

"Dave…" Killian sounded hesitant, like he didn't know what to say but refused to just stay quiet.

"You also need to shut the fuck up," David had to hold himself back from hitting them all, all three of them. Hard.

Killian opened his mouth, but David glared at him and he closed his mouth again, huddling into himself.

Amazingly, it seemed to have worked. Zelena and Robin kept sending glares at each other, but didn't open their mouth again. Killian, on the other hand, watched David with narrowed eyes, as if waiting for something to happen. It made him both incredibly nervous and oddly satisfied. It felt nice to have those eyes on him, as though he were the only thing that mattered in the world.

Now that it was completely quiet in the car, David felt himself relax almost immediately. It made him think that maybe it was the screaming that had made him so nervous. Because that was what had happened that night as well. A screaming woman at the back of the truck, holding on to dear life.

David blinked, realizing that the tears had slowed down, even if they hadn't stopped all together. He bit his lip and felt a hand caressing the back of his neck gently. David wanted to close his eyes, wanted to collapse into that gentleness and forget everything else.

He jumped up, forcing Killian's hand away. He could not allow himself to enjoy Killian's touch. There was no time for it, no place in his mind to let himself enjoy Killian. Later. Later, he'd fall into it. Later. Not now.

They entered Storybrooke, and David felt himself release a breath he hadn't noticed he was holding. They were almost there; he'd almost made it. He let out a loud laugh that sounded disturbingly like Zelena's manic one.

The hospital loomed over them as David brought the car to a stop. Immediately he collapsed against the wheel as the car doors opened and all hell broke loose. Robin helped Zelena out of the car and David heard her scream about the 'angry baby inside of her', and he looked up just in time to see Killian wheel over a wheelchair and help Zelena sit down on it. Robin clapped Killian on his shoulder in thanks and moved Zelena over to the open window.

"David, thank you," Zelena said, grabbing his hand and kissing it gently.

"Good luck," David mumbled.

Zelena smiled and said, as she was wheeled away, "I've missed you, the past few years. It's good to have you back."

David blinked in surprise.

"Come on," David looked up as Killian opened his car door and pulled him out. "Let's get you home."

David grabbed hold of Killian's arm and hid his face in the knock between his neck and shoulder. He breathed in Killian's scent and mumbled, "She said she missed me. But I've been here."

Killian placed his lips against David's forehead, "You've told me yourself that you've not kept in touch with your friends much."

David stiffened. All right, Killian had a point. He sighed deeply and huddled closer into Killian, "We left your car in Enchanted Forest."

"I'll go get it tomorrow with Smee," Killian sighed. "Who cares about that right now?"

"I just-"

"You just want to worry about inconveniencing me," Killian rubbed David's back gently. David shrugged; he couldn't really argue with that.

They stood there silently for a few moments before Killian spoke again.

"I know that Robin told Zelena he would not allow her to name the child Pistachio, but perhaps she'd try a different type of nut? Almond, or Walnut?"

David groaned, "Maybe Pecan…"

"You know, love, I think she might actually do that."

"The crazy lady really might."

*

"Daddy!"

David breathed out as he gathered Hope in his arms, holding her close to his chest as he looked around the mansion. He hadn't been in the Blanchard home for years. It hadn't changed much, or really at all.

Not surprising. His home hasn't changed that much either.

Mary-Margaret's parents and the rest of his children looked up from the dining table and Emma said, "That was quick. Date didn't go well?"

Killian came up, yawning slightly, and said, "We were interrupted by a screaming mad woman."

David rolled his eyes, "Zelena went into labour."

"Oh!" Emma jumped up and took her phone out of her pocket. "I gotta call Regina. Can we go to the hospital to be with Miss Zelena?"

"Ah, no, Emmy."

"But, _Dad_ -"

"Emma," Eva raised her hand. "Let Regina know that her sister is in labor. David, Mr. Jones, come sit down with us."

David hid his smile behind Hope's head. Mary-Margaret didn't get her teacher-voice out of nowhere. He walked over with Hope in his arms and sat down on the table. Killian hesitated then sat down besides him.

And the dinner continued.

David found himself relaxing easily. Hope stayed on his lap as she went back to eating her food, and while Henry and Leopold talked about Henry's fairytale book and Emma talked on the phone of Regina, he just looked down at Hope. He thought about her birth, about holding her while blood still stuck to her body, as she let out her first cry.

_Goodbye, Hope._

God, he wished he'd known. As he was driving Mary-Margaret, as she was giving birth, if only he'd known it was the last moments he had with her…he could have asked her what to tell the children, she would have told him things, things to tell the children. Last words they could carry with them throughout their lives. Instead he had screams and crying and _goodbye Hope_.

But life wasn't a movie, you couldn't expect things to always end in a dramatic and satisfying way. Sometimes things just…ended, and all you had was the time before to fall back on.

Which was really the problem, wasn't it? David expected the last hours of his wife's life to give him all the meaning he needed in life. He _should_ have looked for these meanings in all the years that came before, all the late-night conversations, all the laughter and pleasure, all the times he watched his wife with his children. Those were the things he should have focused on.

"Daddy," Hope turned in his lap.

David blinked down at his daughter, "Yeah, baby?"

Hope scrunched up her nose, "You're squishing me."

David immediately released his hold on his daughter's arms, which he had been holding on to, "Sorry, sweetheart."

Hope sighed dramatically and patted David's head, "You're really silly sometimes."

"I know," David kissed Hope's forehead. God, he wanted to hold on to her forever. Sometimes he really missed his babies being, well, actual babies. Then you could hold on to them for hours and hours, knowing that they were safe in your arms.

After dinner was over, David got the children and Wilby (who'd been placed in the backyard with some toys) ready to go. Emma was bouncing around, glancing down at her phone every moment or two, probably expecting to hear that Zelena had given birth. David wanted to tell her that women didn't give birth after three hours of contractions. But he also got the sense that if he did Emma would reply with, 'eww, Dad, gross', or maybe 'Dad, I know that, you dummy'. Or something like that.

"Thank you for a lovely evening, it was quite charming," Killian said, kissing Eva's hand in a way that made David nearly roll his eyes. sometimes he thought the man was born in the 1940s.

Or maybe it was just a British thing.

"It was good to have you," Eva replied, and then she placed her hand on David's shoulder. "Can I burrow you for a moment, Davey?"

David swallowed, "Sure."

He walked with Eva to the side of the entrance hall, trying to relax when Eva gave him a reassuring smile, but he found that difficult. He couldn't help but worry that he was about to be told that Eva had been wrong, that she couldn't handle being around her grandchildren. David couldn't really blame her.

He could just be mad at him.

"Leopold told me about the Lily problem," Eva said.

"The…Lily problem?"

Eva smiled, "Send me her foster family's phone number, will you? Leopold and I will make sure that she'll stay over with us."

"Eva…" David took a deep breath. "It's not that I don't want Lily to stay here, I think it'd be great. But-"

"You don't think I can do it? Have a teenage girl in the house?"

" _Have_ you had a teenager girl in the house since Mary-Margaret lived here?"

"We should have," Eva said softly. "We should have had Emma over. We haven't been very good grandparents."

"Eva, you don't have anything to apologize for," David said quietly.

"I do, but this isn't what this is about," Eva replied. "This is about making sure a little girl can come back to her childhood home. And doing something for Emma, as well. Send me the phone number."

*

"Wakeup, wakeup, wakeup!"

David yelped as a large body hit his, shaking him. Opening his eyes showed Emma, hair falling all over the place, was looming over him with a happy smile. She shook his shoulders again and jumped on top of him.

"Emma!" David shoved himself up and glared his daughter. "What's wrong? What's going on-"

"Nothing's _wrong_ ," Emma rolled her eyes and settled down on the bed, petting his head condescendingly. "Calm _down_."

David sighed deeply, "Then would you tell me why you woke me up dramatically in the middle of the night?"

Emma let out a _very_ high-pitched squeal and said, "Zelena gave birth!"

"Oh!" David pushed his blanket off.

"Gina called me," Emma kept on babbling. "Robin called her."

David rubbed his eyes, "And everything's ok?"

"Yeah, yeah! The baby's good, and Zelena's good."

David breathed out. She was ok, the baby's good. Everything went well.

"It's a girl," Emma settled down against the back of the bed, and David joined her. She smiled slightly dreamily. "I hope she has Robin's hair."

David snorted and smiled at his daughter. Her eyes were sparkling in excitement and she was grinning widely, looking like nothing could bring her more joy then the new baby.

"I'm sure Regina's excited," David said.

Emma snuggled down next to David, resting her head on his shoulder, "She went with Cora to the hospital. Cora dropped her off and went back home. She said she didn't need to be there for the birth."

David rolled his eyes. Cora wasn't the kindest mother in the world.

"Was Granma Eva there when I was born?"

"The whole time," David told her. "Your Grandma Ruth, as well."

He could hear the smile in Emma's voice when she demanded, "Tell me about it."

David leaned his head on the back of the bed and closed his eyes. This was a familiar request from his children. _Tell me about my birth, tell me how I came to be, tell me, please just tell me how happy everyone was when I came into the world_. He understood that need, was more then happy to provide.

"Your mother and I were taking care of the cows in the farm when she started getting contractions. We both freaked out."

Emma laughed, "Yeah, I can imagine."

"Your mother thought there was something wrong, and Grandma Ruth calmed her down, and drove us to the hospital. Your uncle James came with us as well. I'm not entirely sure why he came with us, to be honest," David frowned. "Anyway, we got to the hospital, and your Grandma Ruth send James to find Eva and Leopold. So they came, and Grandpa Leopold stayed outside with James while Mom gave birth."

"And she screamed."

"Oh, she screamed. She was in so much pain-"

"And you asked Dr. Whale _, 'what's wrong with her, what's wrong'_?"

"Why am I telling you this story if you know it by heart?"

"Because you love me and want to give me everything I ask for in the whole wide world," Emma said with confidence.

"Point Emma," David sighed. "Fine. Ok. So then, Dr. Whale slapped me and told me I was getting hysterical and if I didn't calm down he'd have to throw me out."

"And you said, _'if you try to make me leave, I'll throw you out of the goddamn window'_ ," Emma finished, and David winced. "What?"

"Do _not_ tell your brother this, but what I actually said was: _'if you try to make me leave, I'll fucking throw you out of the fucking window'_."

Emma looked at him with wide eyes, "No."

"Yes," David grinned.

" _Really_?" Emma's eyes widened. She looked like her appreciation of her father just went up by around twenty percent.

"Really."

"Wow, Daddy, you should have told me that _years_ ago."

David laughed, "Would that have made me cooler in your eyes?"

"If I knew you could be _awesome_ , then duh."

"I highly doubt it," Emma rolled her eyes when David patted her head.

Emma hugged her father's arm and said, "And then I was born."

"To great fanfare and excitement," David said promptly. "And I was supposed to cut the umbilical cord, but I was shaking so badly your mother said-"

" _'Don't let him anywhere near my vagina'_!"

"Yeah, I'm still mad at your uncle for telling you that."

"And I still love my uncle for telling me that," Emma replied. She looked up at the ceiling, smiling gently, and added, "So Grandma Eva cut the umbilical cord instead, and the doctors gave me to you. And you were the first one to hold me."

David looked up at his daughter, and told her, "I was shocked. I couldn't believe that you were actually here. You know, when your mom was pregnant, it was hard to think of you as a person in your own right, you know? You were just a part of your mother, like her arms or legs. And then…suddenly you were out, your own being. And I was holding you. It was really odd."

"And then…"

"And then I said, _'God, she's so beautiful'_ ," David said softly, remembering the wonder and fear he felt as he first held his daughter. He'd never tell Emma this, or anyone really, but at that moment he had wanted just to hand her to someone else, someone stronger, someone braver, someone who could keep her safe. He certainly did not think he could do that. "Your grandmothers were crying, and your mother asked for you, and she held you, and fed you."

Emma laced her fingers with her father's and said, looking down at their joined fingers, "You were happy?"

"Yeah, I was happy. Scared, but happy."

"I think you're happier lately," Emma said, not looking away from their fingers. "Happier than you've been in a while."

David sighed deeply and kissed his daughter's blond head, "I'm sorry you know these things, sweetheart. I should have done a better job protecting you from my own problems."

"Yeah, probably," Emma shrugged, and she smiled. "But if you had, then I wouldn't have set you up with Killian, and then I wouldn’t be able to tell all my friends that I take better care of my dad's love life then he himself does."

"Ok, all right," David nudged Emma playfully.

"But it's true!" Emma laughed and sat up, still clutching her father's hand. She got up on her knees and looked at her father intently, "We like him, you know. All four of us. I think even Wilby likes him."

"I know," David said gently. "He'd have been out of our lives if I didn’t know that."

"I just…what I mean is, we like having him around, and we like that he makes you happy," The serious look on Emma's face was replaced by a smug smile. "And I like that _I'm_ responsible-"

"Ok, enough. Bed."

Emma laughed all the way out of his bedroom.


	11. Chapter 11

** Emma **

"Oh my God, Ruby." Emma looked around Granny's Diner with mildly amused shocked. It seemed from her position at the front that every single available surface, from the floor to the walls to the tables was taken up by balloons, signs reading 'congratulations!', flowers and glitter.

And it was all green.

"Isn't the child female?" Killian, who'd come into the diner with her, looked like he was about to gag from the interior design as he looked around.

"Yeah, she's a girl, so?" Ruby asked, looking around at her work proudly.

"So, shouldn't this… explosion of color be more in tones of pink?"

"Don't saddle Baby Hood with gender expectations so soon," Emma said promptly, glaring at Killian a bit. "Mr. Wears Makeup."

"I do not-"

"Eyeliner counts as makeup, dummy."

"I thought," Ruby said loudly, "That green made sense since Zelena and Robin both seem…let's say partial to that color. And also, Zelena wanted to name their kid Pistachio, you know…"

"To be perfectly honest, Ruby, it's not the color I have a problem with," Emma replied. "It's the volume."

"Yeah, I might have gone a bit overheard," Ruby conceded, looking around. "But it's been so long since we had an event in the diner."

"Aurora gave birth like five months ago," Emma jumped slightly at the sound of Regina's voice. She turned to see the black-haired girl walking into the diner and looking around with a look of absolute disgust on her face. "Are you really so bored you can't handle five months without a big event to distract you from life?"

"Ah, the new aunt. Welcome, welcome!" Ruby grinned and patted Regina on the shoulder. "Killian, come help me blow up the last balloons, will you?"

"To bring them in here?"

"Yes, Killian. To bring them in here."

"Though I do not believe such a thing is necessary or logistically possible," Killian's eyes swept through the diner. "I will endeavor to asset you."

And just like that, they were gone and Regina and her were alone. Sometimes Emma really loved Ruby.

"Hey," Emma said gently to Gina, bumping their shoulders together. Even through layers of clothing, Emma swore he could feel the electricity bouncing between them. It made her blush softly and she was really, _really_ glad that no one had arrived to the baby shower yet.

"Hey," Regina retorted, in a tone of voice that suggested saying 'hey' was the dumbest thing that Emma could have possibly done. But that was just the way Regina talked and you couldn't always pay attention to the _way_ people talked. Killian, for example, talked with a British accent and used big words, but that didn't mean it was a good idea to take him _seriously_.

"Wanna sit?" Emma asked, looking around.

"You think we can make it to a seat? You've very optimistic," Regina raised an eyebrow.

"Or maybe you're just stupidly pessimistic," Emma hesitated for a moment and then raised her hand hopefully to Regina. She held her breath as Regina stared at the offered hand like it was about to explode, but released it, feeling stupidly relieved, when Regina took her hand.

Sometimes it was the little things that really made Emma's day.

Regina's hand in hers felt like _fire_ , it felt like she was burning Emma's skin off until all that was left was her inner organs laid out for anyone to see.

It felt _awesome_.

When Emma used to asked her mother what falling in love felt like, she would use words like 'sparkle' and 'shine' and 'suddenly you feel calmer'. Emma didn't feel any of those things. She felt like she'd just run a marathon, like she couldn't breathe because of the adrenaline pumping through her. She felt like she was living in Pompeii and suddenly everything was lava.

She wondered if her father was feeling the same right now. Emma really, desperately hoped he was. It was such a nice thing to feel. Dad was an idiot sometimes and he treated her like she was like, _twelve_ , but everything in the world was better when Dad was happy.

Emma was still young enough to believe that.

"Shit!" Emma yelped as she hit a huge bunch of balloons. Luckily, they just swayed a bit in the air before settling back down in place.

"Jumpy much, Ms. Nolan?" Regina sounded incredibly smug as she tugged Emma into a booth. They sat down facing the door with their hands under the table.

Neither of them let go. Emma was in heaven.

"Don’t _Ms. Nolan_ me," Emma flicked Regina's ear fondly with her free hand, getting a glare in return. She settled down on the booth and asked, "Did you go see the baby yet?"

Regina nodded, "Yeah, sure. Yesterday, and today when they got home."

"What's Baby Hood like?"

"Baby Hood is a baby, Emma," Regina replied dryly. "She slept and then woke up and cried because she pooped herself. Pretty standard stuff."

"Yeah," Emma thought back at her siblings' earliest days. "She'll get more interesting in two or three months."

Regina snorted, "I forgot you're the baby expert."

"Just be thankful you don't have to live with the Baby Hood," Emma grinned as the door opened and Aurora, Philip, Tiana and Naveen came into the diner. Emma held back a disappointed sigh. They weren't alone anymore.

Great…

Regina's lips thinned, "Can't be worse than living with my mom."

Emma tightened her hold on Regina's hand. She'd once heard Uncle James call Cora Mills 'the witch-bitch'. It was a pretty apt description (though just because Uncle James was right about that didn't mean he always knew how to spot a bitch. He _had_ dated Cruella, after all).

"Parents can suck," Emma said, really because she didn't know what else to say.

Regina gave Emma an unimpressed look, "Your dad is great. Seriously, Emma. You have no right to complain."

Emma knew Regina didn't mean anything by that. But her mouth still opened and said spit out, "Well, my mom is dead. So there's that."

For a few horrific moments Regina just stared at Emma, and Emma couldn't tell what she was thinking. Which was really terrifying, because Emma could _always_ read Gina's expressions. She was probably the only person in the world (maybe other than Zelena, but Zelena was Regina's half-sister _and_ teacher so she didn’t really count) that could always tell what Regina was thinking.

But while Emma was busy freaking out, Regina moved forward slowly and _kissed her_.

It was really only a peck of lips on lips, like the type Neal or Hope sometimes gave her, but who gave a shit? It was her _first kiss_. And it left Emma sitting there with her whole body tingling really, really badly. It made her want to take a long bath to relax her body, or-or-or-

Emma blushed.

"Sorry," Regina mumbled. "I didn't mean-"

"It 'kay," Emma squeaked. She hadn't known Regina's lips would be so soft. She was almost tempted to ask Regina if _her_ lips were soft as well. And if boys' lips felt any different. Regina was Emma's first kiss, but that didn't go both ways. Regina had kissed Daniel while they were dating the year before. She would know the difference.

Regina smiled and pushed away from Emma, which made Emma almost whimper in protest. But she didn't, because she wasn't _completely_ fucking pathetic.

Emma took a deep breath. She wondered if it was ok for her to kiss Regina back. She wanted to, but more and more people were coming into the diner, and her dad would probably be there any moment now. And she didn't want Daddy to see her kiss Gina. And she _really_ didn’t want Henry to see her kissing Gina. She'd never hear the end of it.

But she also didn’t want Regina to think that she _didn't_ want to kiss her, so she cleared her throat and said, her voice more croaked then she would have liked, "That was nice."

Gina's lips (her pretty, pretty lips) turned up in a small smile and she said, "Thanks, Emma. It's always nice to be validated."

Emma flicked Gina's ear again.

"Emma!"

Both girls jumped up as a small body barreled into them. Emma suddenly had a lapful of a laughing Neal. She sighed and looked around, seeing Dad had come into the diner and was looking around with wide eyes, shaking his head with his hand on Henry's shoulder. Hope was jumping up slightly, which meant someone somewhere had given her sugar.

"Zelena and Robin are coming!" Neal nearly yelled into Emma's ear, patting her chest.

"Get off, will you?" Emma grumbled, shoving Neal slightly.

"No pushing!"

"No sitting on me, then!"

"Neal," Emma and Neal both looked up to see their dad had sat down on one of the booths with Hope and Henry. "Leave your sister alone and come over."

"But-"

"Come on," Dad said sharply, and Regina was right. Her Dad could be awesome when he wanted to.

"All right, go, shoo," Emma pushed Neal off her lap, but not really hard, since Dad was watching. Her little brother gave her huge puppy eyes, but those only worked on strangers that didn’t know Neal was actually more of a demon then an angel. "Go to Dad."

Neal rolled his eyes but turned to obey her, making his way to their father. At that exact moment the doors of the diner flew open and Zelena stepped in, Baby Hood in her arms.

"We've arrived!" Zelena announced.

"Woo! Well done Miss Zelena!" Emma snorted at Daniel and Augustus's enthusiastic response.

"Thank you, boys, it was rather the battle," Zelena said as Robin and Roland came into the diner behind her. "Let me tell you-"

"Perhaps it would be best not to give too much information, my darling," Robin said, but he was smiling at her fondly. Emma would call him crazy, but she understood him. Sure, Zelena was crazy, but she was _his_ crazy.

Emma passed a shy look at Regina as Hope bounced over to Roland excitingly, somehow avoiding being crushed by people. Regina was looking at Robin and Zelena with an odd look on her face. It took Emma a moment to realize that it was jealousy and bitterness.

That was weird. What was Regina jealous of? She wasn’t interested in Robin, was she? The thought brought bile to Emma's throat.

But that didn't make much sense. Regina had never showed any interest in Robin, and how creepy would that be if she did? He was her sister's baby-daddy.

So then, what was wrong? Emma was tempted to ask Regina, but no way in _hell_ would Regina give her an answer. No, she would have to figure this one out of her own.

So. What did Zelena have that Regina didn’t? Well, lots of stuff. A job and husband, yadi yada, but what did she have that _mattered_?

A home, a place to call her own.

A place where she was safe from Cora's judging eyes/

"Two more years," Emma said quietly, Regina stiffened slightly. "Two more years and we’ll go to college."

Regina swallowed, "Yeah. And we can be roommates."

There wasn't exactly a question mark at the end of that sentence, but it somehow still managed to sound like a question.

"Yeah, we'll be roommates. I'll learn criminology and you'll learn political science so you can replace your mom as mayor."

Regina relaxed slightly and opened her mouth, but before she could say anything Ruby's happy voice rang through the diner, making both Emma and Regina jump up.

"Alright, if I can have everyone's attention please! It's time for the main event."

Ruby gestured with a flourish at Zelena and Robin, who had seated themselves into one of the booths. Robin was holding Baby Hood now, while Zelena sat with her stepson on her lap. A look around showed that Killian had come back into the main diner area and had settled down next to her dad and Henry. Emma grinned to herself when she saw Killian's arm slunk over the booth above Dad.

Her Grandma Ruth and Uncle James had come into the diner as well, but because of the press of people were stuck at the entrance. When she caught her uncle's eyes, he looked over at Regina and then grinned and gave his niece a thumbs' up.

Emma rolled her eyes and turned back to Robin to see him smiling adoringly down at his daughter before he said, "Well. After long deliberation-"

That got a scattering of snickers around the diner.

"-we have elected to name the child Ke-"

"There's only one name I can think of that's fitting," Zelena interrupted, rubbing Roland's head gently. "Robin."

"Robin," Emma mumbled. She liked that. But Robin, clearly, did not.

"I'm not quite dead yet," Robin said dryly, but Zelena just smiled up at him.

"And may you live many years more," Zelena said promptly. "And I would like our daughter to be as much like you as possible."

Oh, man, that got dark quickly.

Robin looked at Zelena with wide eyes for a moment and then cleared his throat and turned to look at the diner, "Robin Hood Junior, then."

Granny's Diner erupted into applause. Emma joined in, whooping excitingly as Zelena and Robin kissed gently.

"All right, first cup of coffee is on the house, people," Granny said.

And then all hell broke loose.


	12. Chapter 12

"Lily's coming tomorrow."

Killian looked up as Emma came into the living room with a grin on her face. He was reading Neal a story while David was out with Wilby and the remaining two children. He hadn't even offered to watch over Neal when the boy decided he didn't feel like going out. David had just nodded and said, "That's fine, stay with Killian."

And Killian was too taken aback by how easily David had said those words to respond. Not that he knew _what_ he would have said. It wasn't that he minded watching over Neal, he was quite fond of the boy. And he'd watched over him and Hope before. It was just, it had never been so informal, so simple. Killian doubted David did the same with anyone other than his brother and mother, and even with them, David sometimes found it hard to request assistance. It spoke of a level of trust that quite honestly took Killian's breath away. He didn't know if he was quite worthy of it.

"Your friend?"

"Yeah," Emma sat down on the floor in front of the sofa. "Daddy and I are going to pick her up from the bus station-"

"Keep reading, Killian," Neal tugged at Killian's shirt. "You weren't done."

That was another change. All of David's children had started calling him 'Killian'. No more Mr. Captain.

"Jeez, Neal, give us a minute, will you?" Emma groaned.

"To be fair, you interrupted his story time," Killian said, and thought, _dear Lord, I'm becoming David_.

Emma rolled her eyes dramatically, but sat silently as Killian quickly finished Neal's book, and before he could demand another story (he couldn't take reading another Dr. Seuss book, he simply could not. His tongue would not survive it.), Killian turned to Neal and asked if he wanted his train tracks.

"Yeah, 'kay," Neal accepted the blue box with a martyred sigh and settled on the floor, receding _Go, Dogs, Go_! (which made Killian wonder why he had to read the bloody book to the boy, if he knew the thing by heart. David probably knew. He'd had to ask him) to himself.

"Go on, then," Killian nodded at Emma."

The girl jumped slightly into the air and said, "Regina kissed me."

"Did she?" Killian grinned and leaned forwards towards her. "Tell me about it."

But Emma shook her head and said shyly, "Nah, I don't think I will. It's private. I just wanted you to know that it happened."

For a moment, Killian was quite hurt, but then he shrugged and said, "Fair enough. Have you let your father know?"

"I will," Emma promised. "As soon as I can get him alone. It's not easy, with everyone around here."

Killian snorted, "You know, your father is capable of handing your hormonal libido-"

"Oh, God, don't say that word."

"And why not? Your libido is quite nat-"

"Ok, ok!" Emma jumped forward and slapped her hand over Killian's mouth, blushing hotly. "Just stop talking, ok?"

Killian mumbled behind Emma's hand. She rolled her eyes and took her hand away.

"Yes? What were you trying to say?"

"I won't speak of your libido-"

"You said it again!" Emma was laughing, now, eyes sparkling with the kind of light that only found a home in the eyes of happy children. "Stop!"

"All right, all right," Killian raised his hands in submission, and Emma settled down. She looked at him for a moment and then sighed.

"So, Lily's coming tomorrow," She said quietly. "And I want to spend most of my time with her."

"That sounds rather pleasant-"

"That means," Emma bit her lip. "That means I won't work in the _Jolly Roger_ for the last week and half of the summer. So, so that's it. I'm done working with you."

 _Oh_. Killian felt disappointment bloom in him. Emma brought something to the boat that no one else did, a light that belonged to her and her alone. It was a bit like having David around. Both of them had a presence that no one could replace. Emma's was brighter, happier, cleaner. David's was slightly darker, murkier, more twisted.

But David's, in Killian's mind, was far more stunning.

"That would be a shame," Killian said. "But you could return, if you want, to work in the _Jolly Roger_ on your next holiday from school."

"Really?" Emma perked up. "Oh. That's good, then."

But as Emma grinned and seemed to calm down, Killian found himself thinking. Her next holiday from school, what would that be? Christmas? The boat didn't run during winter. So, in the spring? Would he and David survive until spring? Killian almost threw up at the thought that they might not. He didn't want to imagine a world where he no longer had the right to touch David, to hold him, to comfort him. No longer had the right to speak to Emma about her milestones, to read to the children, to listen to Henry talk about his day. Just the thought made him feel cold inside.

But it could happen, couldn’t it? It was a distinct possibility. No matter how ingrained the Nolans felt in Killian's life, he had only known them for three months, and most of that time he hadn't been sleeping with David. And that wasn't very long, really, in the scheme of things. And who knew what would happen, how the shifts in time would change what he had with David, change them both. He had no way of knowing how long this…situation, for lack of a better word, would continue. For all he knew David could freak out tomorrow and put an end to it. It wasn't entirely out of the realm of possibility. David did have a tendency towards overreactions.

Before Killian could work himself into a frenzy of concern, the door opened, and the rest of the family came bursting in. First Wilby and Hope, running in with a bark (both of them), then Henry, nose stuck in his book (the second _Harry Potter_. According to a quite proud Henry, it was his fourth time reading the series) and then David, hand on Henry's shoulder, steering him with one hand on his shoulder so he didn't collide with anything, the other hand holding Wilby's discarded leash.

"Wilby pooped _three times_ ," Hope announced with enthusiasm, bouncing towards the living room, and Emma made a noise that sounded suspiciously like an aborted curse word.

"I just ate," The older blond girl complained, glaring at her sister.

"Did he? Magnificent," Killian mumbled, watching David place Henry on one on the bean bags and come to sit down in between him and Emma, giving his daughter a kiss on the forehead.

"Usually he only goes twice," Hope told Killian, ignoring Emma.

"That's…. fascinating."

"Right?" Hope said with pleasure, clearly missing the sarcasm in Killian's voice.

"Hope, can we stop with the poop talk, please?" Emma pleaded, and her sister gave her what Killian assumed was meant to be a sympathetic smile. Or perhaps he was being optimistic. It might just have been a self-satisfied one.

David snorted and leaned down to kiss Neal's head, "Did you have a good time with Killian, little man?"

"He read me _Go, Dogs, Go!_ And the cat-hat book," Neal announced and patted his father's leg before returning his attention to his train. David blinked at his leg.

"That's all I get? A pat?" He mumbled, then sighed and turned to Killian. "Thanks. For watching over them. I know it's not your responsibility-"

"I don't mind," Killian shrugged, then yelped in surprise as Hope came flying into his lap, standing on his legs and leaning her hands on his shoulder for support. The blond girl blinked down at him. He blinked up at her.

"Hello," Hope said.

"Um...Hello, Hope," Killian said, puzzled.

"Did I tell you that Wilby-"

"Pooped three times, yes," Killian sighed.

"Daddy," Emma whispered to David, and tugged him to the side. "I need to talk to you."

David nodded and stood up, looking back at Hope as Emma pulled him to the kitchen, "Be gentle with Killian, sweetheart. Most people aren't as interested in Wilby's poop as you are."

Hope gave her father a look that suggested that he was being absurdly ridiculous. And so Killian was subjected to nearly five minutes of Hope reciting facts about her dog's feces. How big the three respective poops were, who had picked up each (David, David and- that last one was _quite_ the shock-David. If Killian needed more proof that David was a devoted father, his inability to request his children collect feces from the ground would do) and where Wilby had deigned to relieve himself. When David came back to the sofa with Emma, looking dazed and lost, he took hold of Hope and led her to join Neal, finally freeing Killian.

"Henry, play with me?" Emma asked, grabbing the book right out from under Henry's nose. The now bookless boy glared at Emma for a moment but then shrugged and stood up.

"If you start fighting," David closed his eyes settling down against the back of the sofa, "I'm taking that video game away for the week."

Henry and Emma both mumbled their understanding and sat down on the floor, passing each other those consoles and beginning…to shoot. One of them was a gorilla. The other some kind of blue woman with a French accent.

It was so _odd_.

"I don't get it either," David said, and when Killian turned to look at him, he saw that his eyes were still closed.

"We're shooting at people, it's a wonderful catharsis for a cruel world," Emma said, eyes glued to the screen.

David snorted, "Nice use of that word."

"Thanks, Daddy."

"You're welcome, baby."

Emma exchanged a look with Killian and grinned at him before turning back to the game, looking rather more settled then she had before. Clearly their conversation had gone well. Neal had moved to sit in between his two older siblings, staring at the screen as though hypnotized.

"She had her first kiss," David mumbled, low enough so as not to be heard above the shooting on the screen. Killian turned to look at him. His mouth was drawn into a thin line and he was slumped down against the cushions. "My baby had her first kiss. Holy shit, Killian, is she growing up?"

Killian wasn't entirely sure he was supposed to respond to that.

"Am I growing old?" David continued his spontaneous existential crises. "Oh my God, I am growing old, aren’t I?"

"Uh…"

"Well," David deflated. "At least I don't have to worry about her getting pregnant."

At which point Hope clearly decided that her father had wallowed in self pity for quite enough time.

"Daddy, play with me!" She came bouncing over with Wilby, whose tongue was out and tail was waggling, and jumped on the sofa to tug at her father.

"Just a moment, sweetheart," David mumbled, eyes still closed.

"But, Daddy-"

"I promise I'll play with you in a bit," David rubbed Hope's back, still without opening his eyes. It was quite amusing. "But Daddy needs to be comatose for a bit right now."

Wilby walked over to the three children and began demanding attention from Henry. The boy shoved the dog slightly to the side, but it seemed to be enough to make Henry lose his game, as he let out an exasperated sigh.

"That doesn’t count," He told Emma.

"Of course it counts, you lost."

"Because of Wilby-"

"Only a poor sportsman accuses the equipment."

"Ha, ha."

"Ok!" Killian nearly yelped as David's eyes opened wide. "I'm ready to play now, Hope."

"Yay," Hope tugged David down to the ground as Henry abandoned the game to attack Wilby with kisses and hugs. "Airplane, Daddy."

"You got it," David lay down on the floor and took hold of Hope, first throwing her in the air and then placing her belly on his feet and swinging her up into the air.

"Wee!" Hope yelped excitingly, and she looked up to wave at Killian. "This is fun."

"It appears to be," Killian smirked.

"Yeah, well, this is hard for Daddy's back," David panted, but he was smirking at his progeny. Killian titled his head slightly, watching as David stretched his back to bring Hope up into the air, his muscles straining us he did. Killian licked his lower lip. 

"Normally I prefer to do much more enjoyable activities with a man on his back," Killian said, knowing that he was leering. But really, who could blame him?

Apparently David could, since he sat up with Hope moving to his back and hit Killian with his knee, hard.

Right in his balls.

"Oh, bloody hell!" Killian yelped as he started falling backwards, but David caught the back of his neck and brought him forward.

For a mad half second Killian thought he was going to get a kiss out of it, but David just sneered into his ear, "It's unnerving that I need to say this, but no sex talk in front of my kids. You got it _, mate_?"

Oh, he was being called mate. That wasn't a good sign.

"Right," Killian said, voice high-pitched from pain. "You got it, darling."

David snorted and pushed Killian away, swinging Hope back to his chest and continuing to play with her. Well, Killian thought as he settled down with his back to the couch, at least he had a great view of David's ass as he placed Hope on his outstretched legs and swung her up in the air.

*

"Goodnight, sweetheart," David said and kissed Emma's forehead as she started walking up the stairs, followed by Wilby. He watched her go, his beautiful girl, his growing girl who was taking giant steps towards adulthood, and sighed when she closed the door to her bedroom behind her.

So that was four. All his children were in bed. Automatically, David turned to Killian, who gave him a leer that made David swallow, and tugged him over to the sofa. Killian sat down and pulled David down with him, and David sighed deeply, relaxing as he melted into Killian's hold as Killian wrapped his arms around him.

"Do you think that's it?" Killian asked into David's ear. "Are you free yet?"

David smiled, "For a few hours, before one of them wakes up from a nightmare."

He took hold of Killian's hand and laced their fingers, placing their entwined hands on his chest. He closed his eyes.

"Today went well."

"Yes, the child received a normative name. We're all pleased," Killian's thumb traced David's wrist.

Smiling softly, David said, "Well, yeah, that was also nice. But I was talking about the kids. About Emma and Regina."

"Ah, yes," Killian hummed. "The kiss heard 'round the world."

David slapped Killian gently on the back of the head.

Killian snorted and moved against David, nuzzling against his neck like a spoiled cat demanding attention. David complied by picking up their entwined hands and kissing Killian's.

"They were holding hands under the table," Killian whispered into his neck.

David grinned, "I know, I could see."

"I don't think they intended on anyone seeing."

"I'm sure they _really_ didn’t. Least of all me," David yawned and rubbed his eyes. "C'mon, I need to do the dishes before I can go to bed."

"If I promise to help, will you sit here with me a few more minutes?"

" _No_. You don't know how to stack a dishwasher," David said hurriedly and pushed himself up before Killian could get it into his mind to try and do it in such a way that David would be forced to carefully take everything out (carefully because Killian had the tendency to treat the dishwasher as a circus and place the cookware in gymnastic-like positions) wash everything because like his kids, Killian didn't _rinse_ the dishes before placing them in the dishwasher (seriously, did those people think a dishwasher was magic?) and put it back in.

It was so, so much easier to do it himself.

"You can put the train tracks back in the box," David told Killian, marching to the living room.

"I thought you told Neal you'd let it stay?" Killian looked almost hurt on Neal's behalf.

"Because he would have thrown a temper tantrum otherwise," David replied. "Trust me, he won't remember in the morning."

"All right," Killian tumbled off the sofa, somehow managing to look both elegant and bumbling. "Where's the blue box?"

"By the TV," David rolled his sleeves up. "The blue box, also known as the one with the picture of a train on it. The one where the train tracks go."

" _Oh_ , you're amusing, love."

David smiled to himself and started stacking the dishwasher. He got halfway through it before it suddenly hit him how _domestic_ that conversation had been. Discussing the children, allocating household chores.

David looked down at the plate in his hand and gently put it down when he's realized he was shaking a bit. He snuck a look back to the living room and found Killian closing the box and putting it back in its place.

Which he knew. Which of _course_ he knew because two days earlier Hope and Neal had used every single one of the tracks to make a huge train track that ran all over the kitchen and dining area and enlisted their siblings to stand above the tracks as tunnels (David had said they looked like the Gates of Argonath from Lord of the Rings, which had caused Emma to make a desperate sound reserved for someone realizing they were drowning, and for being embarrassed by a geeky dad. Not that David considered himself incredibly geeky, just much more than James. Sometimes having a twin was a pain in the ass. It was so easy for people to make comparisons, and David had been labelled 'the geeky twin' years and years ago).

And Killian had been at the loft two nights ago as well. And yesterday. And three nights ago.

The last time David had gone to see Dr. Hopper, the redhead had said, "It's wonderful that you're starting on a new relationship. It's healthy for both you and the children to have life after Mary-Margaret's death. Just remember that moving too quickly can be a problem as well."

David closed his eyes. Well, they were taking their time with sex. Or at least they've stopped their insane dash forward. Blow jobs and hand jobs were still the only things they did in the bedroom.

And boat, obviously. That one time.

But in everything else…well, in everything else David had so blatantly ignored Dr. Hopper's advice it was almost insulting to the kind man. Killian had slipped into every aspect of David's life with almost unnerving ease, as if those places had just been waiting for him to come and full them up.

He had watched over his daughter's first tentative steps into a romantic awakening when she needed someone slightly removed to help her. His inquires about David's lack of friends had made him call Gabriel in Portland, where he was working with wolves at the zoo and have the first real conversation he had with a friend about…life, in years. And he taught Henry how to use a compass and a sextant, and he told Hope and Neal stories about pirates and huge crocodiles.

Killian knew the loft well enough that he understood that the blue box went in the lower shelf because the higher ones were reserved to Emma and Henry's things.

Killian was a part of his children's lives. And at least for Emma he was an important part of it. And if he and Killian didn't work, Killian would leave her life and David would be responsible for taking another role model away from his daughter.

 _Stop that_ , David ordered himself. _That's not helpful._

He pushed himself away from the sink, and rubbed his eyes with his elbow. Drying his hands (he'd finish the dishes later). David looked over to the living room, but Killian wasn't there anymore. Instead he was leaning against the dining table, almost sitting on it, with folded arms and a raised eyebrow.

He looked so fucking _beautiful_ David's heart skipped a beat. He swallowed, his mouth suddenly extremely dry.

"Are you quite done yet?" Killian asked in that stupid, stupid, stupidly sexy accent. This was not good; this was really not good. He didn't consider a British accent sexy when Robin spoke, did he? How far down the rabbit hole had he gone?

"In a moment," David tried to turn back to the dishes, but it was like was physically incapable of moving away from Killian. He felt like he was being consumed, eaten alive by bright blue eyes raking across his body.

Very, very far down the rabbit hole.

He felt his pants tighten slightly, and that was enough to jolt David out of his trance and he finally moved to finish the last dishes. After he was done, David closed and started the dishwasher, and then there was a hand tugging his belt and he was pulled backwards into Killian's inviting mouth.

David didn't whimper, he really didn't. He _did_ make a strangled sound when Killian's tongue licked his lips and then pushed into his mouth. And maybe that sounded a bit like a whimper, but it definitely _wasn't_ one.

But Killian smiled against David's mouth in a way that made David think that Killian had mistaken the sound for a whimper, which was a problem, because it _wasn't_ , and David was probably sending too much of his already diminished brain power pondering the whimper question.

Though, when Killian broke off the kiss and pulled backwards, away from David and taking his wonderful warmth with him, he made another sound. And there was no mistaking that one. It was definitely a whimper.

"Why-" David started and then yelped when his toe was licked. He looked down to see Wilby pondering his foot with the solemnity of King Solomon considering the question of the two women and the baby.

"That's why," Killian sighed and looked down at the dog with narrowed eyes, and David hurried to move to the living room and call Wilby with him. There was something in Killian's eyes that made him think he might kick Wilby if the dog was left by his side. He had seen those looks on Killian before, flashes of something that the man was quick to bury, that made David think there was something dark in Killian's soul that he very consciously pushed forcibly down.

"I thought you were with the kids," David scolded the dog, rubbing his back. He heard Killian sigh and fall into the sofa next to him.

"That creature stood there and watched," Killian said in disgust, running his hand up and down David's spine, causing him to shiver strongly. "I swear he was staring straight into my soul, David."

David snorted and settled down against Killian, resting his head on the black-haired man's shoulder, "He's a dog, Killian. They stare, haven't you noticed that before?"

Killian nosed at the space between David's throat and shoulder and said, "I cannot say that I've ever been stared at by one while making out-"

"Really? You've made out with so many people, I'd think everything that can happen during a make up session would have happened to you," David bit his lip as Killian licked at his skin.

Killian smiled and then said, slowly, "David, are you _jealous_?"

It was the self-satisfied smugness in his voice that made David immediately say, "No, I'm not."

Killian's overgrown ego was like Hope and Neal's overhyped personalities: it would always be there, but there was no reason to help it grow.

"I think you are," Killian grabbed David's shoulder and shoved him down on the sofa, slinking over him until their bodies were aligned and their noses were almost touching. "I think you're jealous, my love."

"I'm not, that would be childish," David insisted as his hands went up automatically to cup Killian's ass. Killian hummed in appreciation and licked his lips.

"No?" Killian ground down on David's groin with his own, and David gasped slightly. "Are you sure?"

"I'm-I'm-" David groaned as Killian's hand grasped his cock through the cloth of his pants.

Killian raised his eyebrow (this type of eyebrow lift meant _you were saying?_ ) and tightened his hold on David's member almost painfully.

"Fine," David gritted his teeth. "I'm a little jealous, ok?"

"Magnificent," Killian purred, but his hold on David's junk didn't lessen.

"Ok, ok," David groaned. "I'm a little jealous that you fucked half of the United Kingdom's male population, now can you _please_ stop strangling my dick?"

"David," Killian hissed, eyes turning away from David. "That bloody dog is still _watching_."

David turned his head, and yes, Wilby was sitting on his hind legs, head tilted slightly and staring _right_ at Killian.

David snorted and squeezed Killian's ass cheeks, bringing the man's attention back to him, "You told me you've had threesomes and have been to orgies-" it was hard to say those words. He didn't like to think of Killian being in those situations. "But you can't make out in front of a dog?"

Killian glared at him with his blue-blue eyes and said, "I've never had an animal participate. Let's go to your bedroom."

David blinked and then pushed Killian off him, "Ok. Thanks. That ruined my boner."

"Is that so?" Killian sighed. "Shame. I was going to blow you. but it you're not interested, we could stay out here and stare down your mutt."

"He's not a mutt," David said, protective instincts raising in him. But then his mind caught up to the important part of Killian's sentence and his dick jumped. "Let's…let's go."

Killian snorted and kissed his neck before they made their way to David's bedroom.

*

Killian loved blowing David. David's cock was Killian's favorite cock. Ever. And he'd seen quite a few of them in his time. And, sure, he'd seen larger ones and fatter ones and ones who reacted faster to his ministrations, but this was the first one he'd ever seen that was attached to David Nolan, and it was the first one he'd ever seen that was capable of giving David Nolan pleasure.

Because giving David Nolan pleasure was quite possibly the most wonderous thing in Killian's experience at the moment.

It was the noises he made. God, those bloody _noises_. Killian could almost come from those noises alone. He'd certainly gotten hard from those noises alone. The thing about David was that he always tried to do everything in his power to prevent unpleasantness for others. Which meant that David fount it almost distasteful to show his own pleasure, as though he thought his own pleasure would somehow diminish Killian's.

So he made small, tiny little sounds that were wretched out of him. And Killian hated those sounds, hated them with a powerful passion. He wanted to get rid of them, shove them far, far away until he could have the louder ones, the bigger ones that Killian could nearly come from alone.

And so, when David did make those noises, those surprisingly loud groans and yells and whimpers, it meant that Killian had done a truly bloody good job, and when David let out that strangled cry and groaned out, "Killian fuck-" it meant that David was about to come stronger the normal. It was wonderful for the ego.

At that moment David was laying spread eagle on his bed, panting softly, eyes wide open and staring at the ceiling. Killian kept looking up at him as he licked up and down his cock, sucking the tip every now and then. He was waiting for that moment when David let go and started with the noises.

"David," Killian whispered against the warmth of David's member.

"Huh?" David shut his eyes tightly and clenched the sheets with his hands as Killian ducked down to take in a mouthful, sucking harshly before slipping his tongue out.

"Do you remember, love, that you admitted you were jealous?"

"It was around half an hour ago, Killian," David groaned when Killian took hold of his hard member in his fist. "I remember."

"That is good," Killian rubbed David's tip with his palm, smearing it with precome. He picked his hand up and licked it, tasting the salty taste of David on him.

"Killian-" David gasped and pushed himself up on his elbows. "Can we not…not talk about your previous relationships right now?"

"Hmm," Killian tilted his head and pushed himself into David's space, aligning his body with David's, rubbing their cocks together. David swallowed and took hold of the back of Killian's neck, pushing him down into a demanding, possessive kiss. He entered Killian's mouth aggressively, pushing into every crevasse, mapping him out, like an animal marking its territory. And that was _exactly_ the reaction Killian had hoped for.

David flipped the two of them over, pushing Killian into the mattress. There was a wild look in his eyes, an angry, beautiful look that caused Killian's breath to hitch. Bloody hell, David was stunning, absolutely stunning. And he was right there, with Killian. Killian brought his legs up and put them around David's waist, pulling him closer. There. David was there with him, only him. No one else got to see David like this, naked and sweaty and aroused and gorgeous.

"Don’t," David asked, or commanded, it was hard to concentrate on tone when he rubbed their cocks together, hard. "Talk about them in bed."

Killian nodded wildly. He won't talk about them, ever, if David kept doing that thing with his fingers. That thing that brought the tips of his digits close to Killian's entrance. He whimpered, shoving his lower body up into David's hold, but the man had already moved back to pulling their combined cocks together.

David began kissing, licking and sucking at Killian's left nipple, and fuck, _fuck_ , he was bloody good at that. An annoying little voice in Killian's head pointed out to him that of course David was good at that, he probably preformed these acts on his wife. Killian pushed that thought away. This wasn’t the time.

His nipple was hard by this point, painfully so as David sucked it into his mouth again. Killian groaned and clutched David's hair, pulling him closer, wanting more, demanding more. David obliged by running his tongue in circles around Killian's nipple, and he could feel heat pool deep inside of him. He groaned loudly and his legs buckled, inadvertently slamming his cock into David's, hard. David's mouth tightened around the nipple, and Killian brought his hand down to lock over David and Killian's cocks next to David's hand, and tugged at them a few times.

Killian bit into David's shoulder blade as he came, the orgasm wretched from him forcefully, and he felt David hold on to him as he came as well, together with him. Their come mixed with each other's, dripping down Killian's thighs and down to the mattress.

"Fuck," David groaned as the two panted, and Killian milked the last of both of their orgasms, feeling David shake above him as he tried to hold himself up by weakened muscles. Killian let go of the now flaccid cocks and brought his hand up, dangling it in front of David's face.

"Would you like a taste, love?"

"Ew, no, thanks," David's nose wrinkled and he collapsed down on top of Killian. Killian grinned to himself and lapped up the come from his hand until it was clean. It was good, their mixed taste on his tongue. It made him feel warm inside, a possessive instinct purring inside of him. David made a disgusted sound and sat up, "Come on, shower."

"Yes, sir," Killian saluted with his stump.

David rolled his eyes and pushed himself up from the bed. Killian titled his head to get a better view of David's ass as he moved to the ensite bathroom. How did David stay in such good shape? Probably all the running after children he did in his spare time.

David walked into the bathroom and then poked his head back out, eyebrow raised, "You coming?"

"I'm coming," Killian tumbled off the bed and made his way to David. He found him already in the shower, leaning his hands against the wall, head tilted under the water and eyes closed.

Killian stood there for a moment, eyes running over David, appreciating his muscled and tanned body as the droplets of water moved towards his body, from his hair down to his shoulders and chest, running all the way down to where his cock lay dangling between his legs. He moved slowly, stepping into the shower and closing the door behind him. David didn't move, at all. Killian hummed softly and reached out, rubbing circles over David's wet back. David stilled for a moment, and then turned. He placed his hands on Killian's waist and moved him backwards, slamming Killian's back against the shower wall.

"Hello, love," Killian whispered, cupping David's cheek and lunging up to meet David's mouth with his own. David kissed him back, gently and softly. Killian felt a tingle on his lips, but felt no wish to deepen their kiss, or make any other move. There was no need for it, Killian was not interested in more sex. He just wanted to kiss David under the hot water, feel his body against his, his warm and strong presence. It made him feel safer than he'd felt in years, standing there in David's arms.

They stayed like that for a few minutes, before David took a piece of soap and lathered Killian up gently, cleaning him up from their earlier activities. When Killian was clean, David quickly soaped himself up, and then tugged Killian out of the shower and back into the bed, still naked and slightly wet. They curled into one another and Killian was asleep in moments.

*

"David!"

"Jimmy?" David turned widely. He was in his and James's private valley, the one that lay about two miles away from their farm, a beautiful green and lush space hidden between two other farmhouses. James and him used to ride their horses to that valley, and would spend hours there, just the two of them and no one else.

"Davey."

James was standing in front of him, shivering slightly. He was dressed in shorts and a pajama shirt, his feet bare and his light blond hair hiding his blue eyes.

And he was, at most, six years old. The age they had been when they lost their father. David felt a protective urge raise in him at the sight of his brother's shivering body. He wanted to protect that little boy, and it occurred to him that he was, in many ways, a mirror of David's own childhood. That in a way, it was his own childhood self he wanted to protect.

They were twins, after all. There was a connection between them that could not be destroyed through years of separate lives and differing personalities. A part of them that would always be the same, always be identical to the other.

"Davey, did you hear that?" Jimmy whispered and took a step forward, taking hold of David's large hand with his small one.

"I heard it," David found himself saying, and turned. They were in their childhood bedroom now. Full of animal toys and Disney prince memorabilia. David was the same size of his brother now, and they turned together to the window, where they could see red and blue lights flashing. The sound they had both heard, that had woken them up, was the sirens blearing.

The twins exchanged a look and shot out of bed. They were six, old enough to know what police sirens meant. Old enough to feel dread enter their little souls at the sound.

Together, hands held, James and David made their way down the stairs. They were used to those midnight trips down to the living room. But this time, when the door opened, it wasn't their father that came into their safe home and ruined it, it was two policemen, and they were let in by their mother.

In the dream, like it had been in life, David's first thought was, _Don't_. _Don’t let them in_.

But she did. Of course she did. With shaking hands and a pale face, but the door did end up being opened. And the two cops were shown to the sofa. But the men didn't sit down, just shook their head politely. David and James automatically and simultaneously tightened their hold on each other's hand.

"Mrs. Nolan?" The taller policeman asked, and David's mother nodded.

"That's me," Like her hands, her voice was shaking, and David's heart fluttered in his chest in fear. Mom was _scared_. Mom was never scared. Not when one of their cows had accidently kicked James and broke his arm, not when David had gotten lost in the woods and had returned hours later, clothes dirty and hair full of leaves and mud. Not when their father returned, night after night, yelling and stumbling, eyes glossed over from drink.

But she was scared now. She seemed just as scared as David himself felt.

His mother straightened her back and ordered, "Tell me what happened."

The policemen exchanged a look, and the shorter cleared his throat and said, "Mrs. Nolan, there's been an accident-"

"Is he dead?"

James whimpered, and David clasped his hand over his twin's mouth. The sound had been quite loud, but none of the three adults underneath them heard. Of course not. Adults never paid attention, not when they didn't want to acknowledge your existence, when your presence would just make everything that much more painful.

"Mrs. Nolan-"

"Just tell me if he's dead."

The taller cop deflated slightly and said, clearing his throat, "Yes, Mrs. Nolan. He appeared to have careened his car into the ravine."

"Wait," David cried out. This was wrong, there was something very, very wrong. "That's not what happened, it's not."

The tall cop turned to look at David. and that was also wrong. Also very, very wrong. The tall cop had had red hair and green eyes. not black hair and blue eyes.

Blue-blue eyes.

"Isn't it?"

The tall cop also hadn't had a British accent. A beautiful, beautiful accent.

"He drank himself to death," David whispered as Killian, dressed as a cop from Portland, walked over to him. He raised his hands, wanting to be held, knowing that was a safe place for both of them. If he held on to Killian, he could make sure the man didn't drift away. Didn't drift away into the drinks he put away months before coming to Storybrooke, drift away into the darkness that he sometimes saw reflected in his lover's eyes. "He came home and fell asleep and then never woke up."

"Does it matter?" Killian raised the child David into his arms and David swallowed. "The point is that he died, isn't it?"

"But it wasn't in a car," David clutched onto Killian. "That was-"

"Your wife," Killian hummed. "Everyone you're closest to seems to die, don't you think?"

David flinched, and Killian let go of him. He fell down on his sofa, and Killian loomed over him, beautiful body slinking over his. He was an adult again, now. Back home.

"You're quite selfish, love, aren’t you?" Killian caressed David's collarbone thoughtfully, making bright hot fire burn inside of him. "Such a complicated man to love, such a complicated life you lead. Such a headache to live with. And yet you can't push me away."

"I-"

Killian tilted his head and leaned down, kissing David gently on the forehead before pulling back up and looked down at David with a sad kind of smile.

"Selfish, selfish, selfish," With every 'selfish', Killian tapped David on the chest, painfully hard. Hard enough to constrict his breathing. David gasped. "You know you’re going to destroy me, right? You're going to get me drinking again, going to get me in a car and-"

"No," David shook his head in horror. "You won't. You won't, Killian, I'll protect you, I promise. I'll make sure you're ok."

"Will you?" Killian sighed.

"I will," David insisted, and tried to sit up. But Killian placed his open palm on David's chest and shoved him back down. "Killian, I will. I'll take care of you."

"Dave, I'm the one who takes care of you," Killian replied, and the hand on David's chest suddenly became heavier, trapping him in place, crushing his lungs. David opened his mouth, wanting to say something, wanting to just breathe. But he found both impossible, and felt pain radiating nside of him, panic starting to grow as he felt himself suffocating, dying, disappearing into that unknown, terrifying place where his father and Mary-Margaret had both gone.

And he didn't want to, he didn't want to go there. And Killian was right, he was selfish, because right now he didn't much care what happened to Killian, as long as he could breath again, as long as Killian would just _move_.

"What have you ever done for me?"

Killian sighed, and then coughed, and frowned, his hold on David lessening just enough so David felt the dark place receding slightly. Killian coughed again, then cried out, looking down at his hand. David looked as well, and felt himself grow sick.

As his ability to breath was slowly restored, as the horrific pressure on his body lessened more and more, Killian was losing his hand. His thumb was cut off by some invisible knife, and blood splashed them both, and David could breath. His fingers were ripped off as though some kind of giant had grabbed them and tugged like a child with the wings of a bug, and David could sit up, breathing heavily.

"No, no, no," David groaned, grasping the mangled hand while Killian cried in pain above him. "I don’t-I don't want-"

"This is what you get for being selfish," Mary-Margaret whispered into his ear. "If you-"

"Shut up!" David screamed, cradling Killian's shivering body to him. "You're dead, shut up already!"

He heard a cruel laughter that sounded nothing like his beloved wife, and then David woke up with a strangled scream.

He panted heavily, rubbing his eyes and looking around. His heart immediately settled slightly when his eyes fell on Killian's still body, spread out next to him on the bed, chest moving up and down softly. His hand was curled against David's wrist lightly. David looked at that hand, the one hand Killian had left, and felt tears prickle his eyes that he rubbed away angrily.

But his hand was fine. Unmarred and unhurt and functioning. It was just a dream.

It wasn't real.

"Killian," David whispered, curling around Killian's body protectively. He buried his nose into Killian's hair, and inhaled deeply, smiling the sea air that never seemed to really leave Killian's scent, no matter how many showers he took.

Killian groaned slightly and moved inside the circle of David's arms. His eyes blinked open slowly, and he frowned sleeply at David.

"David?" Killian mumbled, releasing David's wrist to run his hand through Dante's hair.

David swallowed and hugged Killian closer to him.

"David, what's wrong?"

"Tomorrow, after I get Lily, let me take you on a date, ok?"

"…all right," Killian replied, clearly puzzled. "If you wish it-"

"Ok, good," David nodded and held on to Killian tightly. He didn’t fall asleep until he heard Killian's breath even out again.


	13. Chapter 13

"There is it," Emma grabbed hold of her father's elbow as the bus came into view over the bend. David winced, who knew Emma had such a hard grip?

"There it is," David agreed, and Emma let go of him, rushing forward to meet the bus. He watched with a small smile as the doors of the vehicle opened and a black-haired girl stepped out.

God, was that Lily? It was hard to believe the beautiful willowy figure was the same person at the elven-year-old frightened child that had left their town for the big city five years earlier. Emma jumped forward towards Lily and tried to hug the other girl. But Lily flinched, stiffened and pulled away as the bus chugged away.

David frowned. That was odd. He didn't remember Lily having an issue with touch before. Though, five years _was_ quite a long time, people changed, and Emma's hello had been a bit overwhelming. Still, it was a little odd. David had heard Emma and Lily talk on the phone many times over the past few months, and both girls sounded rather exited and glad to be seeing each other again. But before he could think too much about Lily's reaction, the girl relaxed and accepted Emma's hug. It seemed to David that his daughter didn't even notice the small flinch. Maybe he was reading too much into things. James had often told him he was slightly paranoid.

The girls stood on the curve for a few minutes, Lily's black suitcase sitting in between them, talking quietly. The contrast between the two girls was visually striking. Emma's blond hair and blue eyes contrasting with Lily's brown hair and brown eyes. David got the strange sense that he was intruding in a private moment that didn't belong to him, and quickly looked away, letting the girls have this moment for themselves.

There was something special about childhood friendships, something that could never be duplicated about the experience of being raised together with someone else. It was one of the most important and wonderful things that living in a small town gave you. And it was something that was taken away from Emma and Lily. They had spent eleven years enmeshed in each other's lives before being torn away from one another. David tried to imagine what that would it would have been like if Zelena, Gabriel or Kristoff had left for five years during their childhood. It wasn't a pleasant thought. No wonder Emma had been so exited for Lily's arrival.

"Dad?" David looked back up to see Emma and Lily had walked towards him, clutching hands (they'd left the suitcase behind, David noted with amusement).

"Hi, Mr. Nolan," Lily waved her free hand, excitement sparkling in her eyes.

"Lily, sweetheart, it's good to see you," David smiled at the girl, but now that he was seeing her up close he was starting to get a little worried. There were circles under Lily's eyes, and a haunted look to them that unnerved David slightly. Maybe she was just tired from the trip, from the probably confusing emotions she was experiencing now that she was back in her hometown.

"Lily and I are going to meet Gina and Augustus at Any Given Sundae," Emma announced. "Can you get Lily's suitcase to Grandma Eva and Grandpa Leopold's place?"

"Sure, anything else you need?"

"No, thank you," Emma said, completely missing the sarcasm in her father's voice. David hid a smile as the two girls made their way away from him. Then he sighed and made his way over to suitcase.

*

"Is there any point to ask where we're going, or are you going to take a page out of my own book and keep it a secret, love?" Killian asked as he slipped into David's red truck.

David snorted, fingers tapping the steering wheel and said, "No, I tell you. We're going to my mother's farm."

_Oh, God._

The handsome blond seemed to see Killian's horror reflected in his face, since he grinned softly and added, "We're not going to be shovelling cow poo, promise."

"Yes, that would not be enjoyable for me," Killian replied as they drove out of the town. He leaned his body against the car door so he had a better and clearer look of David. The man's fingers kept on drumming on the steering wheel, his eyes squinted slightly. Killian hesitated for a moment and then asked, "You got Lily to the Blanchard's?"

"Her suitcase," David said absentmindly, eyes on the road. "The girls went together to get ice cream."

"Leaving you alone with her things."

David shrugged, mumbling, "Teenage girls. Not known for being incredibly considerate when they're busy with each other."

Killian kept looking at David for a moment and then rolled his eyes. He knew it was rather childish, but he did not like being in a closed space alone with David and having to share the man's attention with anything else. And right now, he didn't even know what he was sharing that attention with. If they weren't driving, Killian would simply jump into David's lap and force his full attention onto him. But they were driving, so that wasn't quite an option. Instead Killian just sighed and waited.

David stopped the car in front of the farm and opened the car door, letting in the smells of animals and…feces. Mostly the smell of feces, if Killian was being honest.

David stepped out the car and motioned Killian after him, handing him a rucksack from the back of the van. Killian took it, slinging it over his back as he closed the car door behind him. Killian walked after David, thankfully past the cow shed, towards the slightly smaller one, where the horses were kept, if the noises of neighing were to be believed.

Stables, Killian reminded himself. They were called stables.

"Are we going riding?" Killian asked, unsure what to make of that idea. He hadn't actually ever ridden a horse before. He'd certainly seen horses before, naturally, and touched them. He'd even sat on one once, but that horse (well, it was a donkey) hadn't moved at all.

"Yup," David stopped walking, holding out a hand to Killian. Killian took it without hesitation, and allowed David to lead him into the stables.

There were around six horses, each in their own stall, which were large enough for them to move around in. Some were larger, some were smaller, some white, some grey, some brown. The tallest of the horses was a brown one, with a white stripe down his nose. A beautiful, willowy creature that was galloping around in circle. But he stopped the moment David and Killian walked into the stable, shaking his neck and sticking his head out of his stall.

"Hi there, baby," David purred, making his way over to the horse, taking a somewhat reluctant Killian along with him. That animal was far too big for comfort. "How are you?"

The horse neighed, nudging David's palm as he raised his hand to pet the side of the horse's neck.

"That's…a large horse," Killian mumbled, nearly hiding behind David.

"This is Rocinante," David said, still absentminded. "He's the son of the mare James had as a kid and my steed. They're both dead now, but they had Rocinante and Pegasus. Rocinante is mine. Beautiful, isn't he?"

"Yes, he is," Killian agreed, then added, "I'm not expected to ride him, am I?"

David turned to look at Killian with a mischievous smile, "Sure you are."

"Oh, David," Killian gulped. "I'm not sure I can-"

"Don't worry," David kissed Killian sweetly. "You'll be behind me."

Huh. _That_ Killian couldn't argue with.

David moved Killian gently to the side before entering the horse's stall, clicking his tongue comfortingly at the animal, picking up a saddle laying on the wall and preparing Rocinante to go. He then led the animal out of the stall (God, that creature dwarfed David) and stilled him, patting his neck. Rocinante nudged at David's head in a way that almost looked fond.

"Ready, sweetheart?" David cooed at the animal, then grinned. "Yes, you are, beautiful."

Killian swallowed. David was stunning when he was smiling.

David pushed himself up on the horse, settling down with flare. Killian heard his own breath hitch as he looked up at David. Sitting on his horse, David looked majestic. Prince Charming, indeed. He looked like the idyllic version of an old-fashioned nobleman. He should have been born a royal in the middle ages.

 _And I'd be a pirate captain who steals him away,_ Killian thought with amusement as David clicked his tongue and moved the horse closer to Killian. He leaned down and offered Killian his hand.

"Ready?" He asked softly.

Killian nodded, dumbly, allowing David to take hold of his hand and pull him up behind him. Killian immediately brought his arms around David's waist, his legs flapping ineffectually in the air. It felt quite odd, being up there. For a start, he was rather tall all of a sudden. And he could feel the animal rumbling under him, and David's warmth pressed against him. That part was rather pleasant.

"How old were you, when you first rode this beast?" Killian asked in wonder, trying to imagine the power it would take to control Rocinante.

David shrugged, "Two years after Emma was born. His father was smaller, I rode him when I was four. By myself, that is. James and I rode with our mom since we were babies."

"Christ," Killian bit out as David started moving the horse, making him bounce up and down. David, annoyingly, just kept his regal stance on the beast. "This is rather a lot for a first time."

"How have you never ridden a horse before?" David asked as they left the Nolan farm holdings behind them and made their way into the main road.

"City born and bred, I suppose," Killian shrugged, looking down at the grass being trampled under Rocinante's hooves. "Never spend much time in farmlands growing up."

"Your parents never took you on vacations to small towns, or something?"

Killian stiffened, and didn't reply.

David seemed to realize he had said something wrong, as he quickly added, "Well, I promise we won't go galloping immediately," David patted Rociannte's neck. "All right, baby? We'll go slow, no pushing into things too fast."

"Shouldn't you be saying that to me?" Killian mumbled, "But don't worry, I'm known for pushing slowly into things."

David turned to give him an unimpressed look and, as though to punish Killian slightly for his lewd comment, made the horse go slightly faster.

Killian yelped as his ass was forced into the air when the horse jumped over a rock. The jump made David laugh out loud, sounding breathtakingly young and free. Killian felt David's body stiffen slightly and got the distinct impression that he was holding himself back from sending the animal into a full-on dash.

"You ok back there?" David asked over his shoulder as he took Rocinante into a forest road, blocking out the main street where the farms lay, making Killian feel as though they had left civilization far, far behind, and it was now just David and Killian, all alone in the forest.

"My arse is quite painful right now," Killian informed David. And a horse jumping in the air was without a doubt not what he wanted to be the cause of pain that region. But he certainly was not going to say _that_ to David.

David let out a long-suffering sigh, "He bravely lifted his legs from the ground.

"He jumped in the air, David-"

"He did not!"

"And slammed my arse down back on his body," Killian finished.

"That's because- you can't- Killian, you need to jump with Rocinante, you know," David sounded exasperated, as though he were explaining something very simple and obvious. "You can't stop your body from moving when you're on a horse. That won't work…I'll teach you later. In the meantime, just hold on, and try to control your body's movements."

"I have perfect control over my body's movements, as you well know," Killian replied, and kissed the side of David's neck. He only intended on kissing David once, but David's skin was warm and soft and Killian was more than a little addicted to that particular spot on David's anatomy by then, so instead of one kiss David got two, then three, then four…

"Hmm, Killian, stop," David mumbled, leaning backwards into Killian. "I can't concentrate like this."

"I'm sure," Killian said in between kisses, "That that creature can take over for a few moments."

David laughed and gently tugged his neck away from Killian, "Sorry, but no. If I leave him to his own devices, he'll just go wherever he wants."

"Oh?" Killian tightened his hold on David's waist as the horse turned a corner, walking away from the path right into the trees themselves. Now the ride was getting rougher, the horse jumping over rocks and exposed roots and tree stomps. Once, Rocinante nearly stumbled to the ground after hitting a rock with his foot, but David somehow managed to keep the creature on his feet.

Still, the near fall made Killian squeak in a rather undignified manner, and David patted Killian's head much in the same fashion he did Rocinante's.

"There, there," David said gently. "Everything's ok."

"David, I swear to all the gods if you pet me again I'll-"

"I thought you like petting," David turned his head away from Killian. "You certainly like it in bed."

"Petting in bed is not patronizing."

"Point Killian," David said as Rocinante stepped out of the forest. They were now in a valley, in between two small hills, that was full of bright green grass under the clean blue sky, with spattering of trees here and there and beds of red, pink blue and white flowers. It was stunningly beautiful and peaceful.

"Wow," Killian breathed out as David clicked his tongue and brought the animal town into the valley. He walked over to one of the largest trees at the edge and slipped off Rocinante. Killian clutched at the horse's mane as David led the animal to the tree and tied him to a branch.

"Ok, come on," David raised his hands to Killian. Killian immediately leaned over the side of the horse, allowing David to take hold of his arms and bring him down gently, placing him on the ground next to him. David smiled, a bit tentatively, and added, "What do you think?"

"It's beautiful here," Killian said honestly. "It looks rather peaceful."

"Yeah," David smiled gently. "Not many people come here. It's in between the Rock farm and Dr. Sheffield's place, but no one owns it, and you can't really get here from the road, so it's either hiking or riding. Jimmy and I found it when we were five, I think."

"You were wondering around all alone at the age of five?" Killian had met Mrs. Nolan, and he found it had to imagine that that woman would allow her sons to do such a thing.

David swallowed and said quietly, "Yeah, um, we were left with our dad that day. He didn't mind much what we did. I think he liked having us gone. He could drink at home more when we weren't there."

"I'm sorry-"

"Don’t," David took a deep breath and rubbed Rocinante's neck. " _Please_ let's not talk about my dad. Come on, I want to show you something."

Leaving the animal behind, David took Killian's hand and led him down into the valley, past a few of the flower beds and trees, and came to a stop in front of a large apple tree. A black tire hang from a branch, which David took hold of and swung powerfully back and forth. It made Killian smile, imagining the twins as children swinging each other back and forth.

"Hand me the bag, will you?" David raised his hand for it. He took the bag and began extracting objects from it, one after another. A picnic blanket with a print of Winnie the Pooh characters on it, then a bottle of red wine (that one surprised Killian, but it was still just wine. He supposed expecting rum from David was a bit too much) and a few of neatly covered sandwiches. He settled everything down on the ground and then sat down on the blanket (right on Pooh's face, which Killian wanted to believe was unintentional but could have been a subconscious way of getting revenge over the creature, given the fact that he had been forced by Hope to wear a Pooh mask for most of the morning) and motioned Killian to join him. Killian was more than happy to oblige, since he wasn't being asked to sit on the grass itself. _That_ he did not thing he could do. There was a limit, and he'd reached it with the horse-riding.

Which reminded him…

"Will he be all right?" Killian asked as he sat down, leaning his back on the tree trunk and placing his feet on David's lap.

"What? Rocinante? Sure, he'll be fine," David nodded, a wistful look on his face. "When Jimmy and I were kids, we used to come here so often that we could let the horses just roam free and they knew to stay in the valley. But Rocinante isn't as familiar with this place as his parents were. Jimmy and I don't exactly have that much time to come here anymore."

"Shame," Killian said, trying very hard not to purr like a content cat when David began massaging his feet. "It's quite peaceful here."

"I know," David sighed. "Sometimes I wish we'd have shown Mom this place. When we were kids, she definitely needed the peace and quiet."

"You didn’t show your mother this place?" Killian asked with a frown.

"No, we, uh," David cleared his throat, hands never stopping working over Killian's feet. "Haven't actually showed this place to anyone."

Killian felt as though a metal hand was squeezing his heart. He leaned forward slightly and asked, slowly, "You haven't shown this place to anyone?"

"Well, I'm sure other people know about it. The Rocks, probably. I mean, it's right next to-"

"But you haven't _shown_ it to anyone."

David hesitated and then shook his head, "No. No one."

Killian collapsed against the tree.

"I asked James if he minded," David asked as though that was the important part, and not the fact that Killian was being granted access to something that David had not even allowed his beloved wife to see.

Suddenly, Killian was finding it hard to breath. He felt David's fingers gently work over his feet, and found himself unable not to relax into the touch. David's touch had that affect.

"Thank you, for showing me this place," Killian said quietly and pushed himself away from the tree towards David, shuffling onto the blond'a lap. Unfortunately that meant David had to stop caressing his feet, but it did mean that he started running his hands all over Killian's upper body. "It's truly beautiful."

"Ah-ha," David said, sounding distracted as he pulled Killian deeper into his lap. Killian wrapped his stomped arm around David's neck and used the other to grab hold of the wine and open it with his teeth. "Would you like any?" Killian asked, waving the bottle in front of David.

"We have cups, you know," David raised an eyebrow.

Killian snorted and took a long sip of the bottle. He watched David's eyes flicker down to follow his throat as he swallowed. It was incredibly easy sometimes to get David interested.

"This is more fun," Killian licked his lips. It was good wine, Killian was rather surprised to find. "Would you like some?"

"No, thanks," David replied. "I brought it for you."

"David," Killian sighed deeply. "Don't you think you're going a bit overboard?"

David shook his head, eyes blinking, and said, "Not really."

"I know you don't like me drinking-"

"Yeah, but you do," David said in an earnest, sweet voice that for a moment made Killian able to imagine what he would have been like at Emma or Henry's age. He just seemed so wholesome all of a sudden. "And it's my turn to take you on a date, remember?"

Killian blinked down at David, then grinned and ducked down to kiss David's lips gently.

*

They spent a few hours mulling around the valley, eating the sandwiches David made and drinking the wine (David confiscated the bottle after Killian drowned half of it. Killian wasn't entirely sure why. Even a whole bottle of wine would have gotten Killian tipsy at the most), and then David tried to teach Killian how to ride a horse by himself, but it didn't go well. Neither Killian nor Rocinante were keen on that turn of events, and David, intelligent man that he was, stopped trying the second time Rocinante's sharp movements made Killian almost fall and announced that Killian was 'clearly not an animal guy'.

"We knew that already," Killian had replied.

"What? No, we didn't," David had frowned at him.

"Of course we do. Your dog did everything in his power to prevent our shagging last night. If that doesn't show that animal doesn't think very highly of me-"

But David had just laughed and jumped up on Rocinante, galloping with him around the valley and whooping in excitement as he did so.

Eventually, they ended up back where they started, on the blanket under the tree. They were laying down next to each other, and David was breathing heavily, clearly exhausted by his powerful horse ride. Killian turned his head to look at David, watching his chest go up and down and settle. It took him some time to realize that David had fallen asleep. He could understand that, this place was perfect for taking naps. Quiet and calm, beautiful and serene. And David had had to get up three times in the night (once for Neal's nightmare, once for Hope's, and once for Hope wetting the bed). Killian had managed to stay awake until David returned to the bed the first time he'd been called off, but the other two times he'd fallen right back into sleep when David had left and taken his warmth away with him.

Killian wondered if that should make him feel guilty. But whenever he tried to help David when the children at night, he was always quickly shooed away by both parent and child. As Killian had realized at one point a few days earlier, there was something nearly sacred about the middle of night meetings between David and his youngest children. The songs he would sing to them, the stories he told, were all unique to each child. There was no place for anyone else in that space. Hope and Neal might like Killian quite a bit, but David was their _father_. In those children's world, David was more or less a god. There were things only he could do for them. Killian's very presence soiled those moments.

Killian sat up so he could get a better look at the man by his side. The leaves and branches were casting shadows on David's face, bringing his chiseled features into sharp relief. His eyes fluttered slightly, and he mumbled in his sleep. Killian smiled, caressing David's blond hair back from his forehead, suddenly feeling an almost unbearable amount of tenderness towards the man laid out before him. He looked around, thinking about child David, of child David and this place. Killian knew, better then most, that when you lived with a man who was supposed to protect you and watch over you but spend his days eliminating himself in drink (or other things), when that was your life, you needed to escape. Almost constantly, if you didn't want to go mad. Killian had escaped into his own mind, but David…David had been a much freer child, and he could escape far, far away. Here, with his brother. The one place in the world where they could be all alone, safe and sound from the world. Even now, this valley clearly held a special hold on David. And yet he had shared it with Killian, thus diminishing some of its power for him. It could never again be a place that belonged to James and David alone, at least in David's mind. James could pretend Killian had never come here, but David had seen it. He couldn't ignore it. It was real for him.

That wasn't the kind of sacrifice one took lightly.

Killian frowned, thinking again of his worry that past evening, of what would happen if David ever severed the connection between them. At that moment, as he sat there in David's special place and watched over the sleeping man, Killian realized that if David ever did that, he would have to become some sort of deranged stalker, or something of the sort, because the possibility of not knowing what was happening to David was quite simply not something he could imagine surviving.

Still, not being a deranged stalker was probably preferable (though if he _did_ become a stalker, he would probably be able to ask Emma for assistance. Judging by the kind of romances in movies she swooned over, the girl seemed to think stalking was rather romantic), so Killian had to make sure not to do anything to spook David away.

Though, no, that was rather unhealthy, wasn't it? It would just end in Killian doing everything to conform himself to David's needs and-oh, hadn't he been doing that already? Perhaps that was the point of this whole adventure. Killian huddled closer to David and kissed his forehead gently.

David's eyes flickered open slightly, and he looked up at Killian from under his eyelashes.

"I'm sorry, I didn't mean to wake you," Killian whispered, and kept on caressing David's forehead.

"It's 'kay," David mumbled, reaching out to push Killian down into his arms.

Killian smiled at the strong hold on his waist, and snuggled against his love.

"Is this ok?" David asked, voice heavy with sleep. "We still have a few hours before I need to get the kids, so we can go somewhere else if you want."

"What? No," Killian shook his head. "This is wonderful."

"Really?" David was smiling against Killian's neck. "Well, that's good."

Killian tumbled around and pushed David on his back.

"A few hours, hmm?" Killian purred as he leaned down. "That should be long enough."

*

Eva opened the door and as soon as David saw her, he knew that something was wrong. She was slightly pale, but with a smile that David knew only too well. It was the same smile Mary-Margaret used to wear when she wanted to cry but didn't want to make other people sad.

"Eva-" David started.

"Everything is fine," Eva said immediately. "Lily and Emma are in Lily's room. They came here about an hour ago. Where's Henry?"

"Sleeping over at Violet's."

"Can we go play?" Neal asked, tugging at David's sleeve.

"Sure, take your sister," David said, slightly distracted, and walked into the mansion after his children, following Eva to the kitchen, where she moved over to put up water for tea as they listened to the sounds of Hope and Neal rushing to the den where their grandfather and the toys resided (David had no doubt which were more exiting. Not that they didn't like their grandfather…).

"It's odd, isn't it, seeing her again?" Eva sighed as she made David's tea. He was oddly touched to realize that she remembered how he liked his tea. "She's grown up so much."

"I know," David rubbed his face. "She doesn’t look much like her mother, does she?"

"Her eyes are similar," Eva said quietly. "Something dark in both of them."

_Something dark…_

"Eva, if something happened, we can find somewhere else for Lily to stay-"

" _No_ ," Eva said sharply, and David stiffened. Her expression softened slightly and she patted David's shoulder. "David, that's not the issue. It's just…. there's something off about her. Something, well, you'll see."

Before David could demand to know what that meant, the kitchen door flew open and Emma and Lily came bursting in. Well, Emma came bursting in, flapping her hair backwards and smiling triumphantly as if she had just won the lottery, and Lily walked in quietly behind Emma, eyes moving around constantly as though she were a soldier looking for all the possible exit points in a war zone.

"Hello girls," Eva said gently. "If you've come looking for dinner, you're half an hour too early."

"But, Grandma," Emma whined, doing a pretty good impression of Hope. "My stomach wants food."

David caught a small smile on Lily's face, and motioned the girl over. Lily came to sit next to him easily, trustingly, and looked up at him, expectant.

"How was your day?" David asked quietly.

"All right," Lily said. "Storybrooke changed a lot."

"It seems that way for us," David said. "But I'm pretty sure not much actually changed. It's just that every tiny change looks huge to us."

"Small town problems?" Lily grinned, but there was something strained and forced in her smile.

"Well, you've lived in a big city as well," David said, watching Lily carefully. "Do you feel that it changed much in the five years you've lived there?"

Lily shrugged, "Maybe a little. But I don't pay much attention to it."

David frowned at that, "How come?"

Lily leaned against the counter, eyes following Emma as she leaned over the stove to smell the food, "It's not like I'm staying there for much longer."

"Lily-"

"As soon as I'm eighteen, I'm out of there," And with that, Lily pushed herself off the counter and join Emma, who was making her way to the den.

David watched the girl go, rush after Emma, grabbing her friend's hand powerfully as if afraid Emma would disappear, and then turned to Eva and cleared his throat.

"Right, ok," He cleared his throat. "I see what you mean."

*

"Look," David said quietly, shuffling the sleeping Hope in his arms. They'd had dinner and watched a movie and before David knew what was happening it was ten at night and Hope was asleep on his lap and Neal was wobbling around, half asleep and coming over to lean his head against David's thigh once in a while, falling asleep for a few seconds at a time before wobbling away again. It was time to get back home, but David had not wanted to leave before he made sure the girls wouldn't try to leave, to…do whatever teenage girls wanted to do. Drink? Did girls drink? God, he hoped they weren't having the kinds of parties he and his friends used to have. "She's had one hell of a day. So, anything we might find weird about her behavior could be from that."

Eva sighed, caressed Hope's hair gently, and said, "We'll see how she is tomorrow. You're sure you're ok with Emmy sleeping over? I promise the girls are staying in for the rest of the night."

"It's fine," David replied. "I don't think Emma would take it well if I try to take her home."

"No, I don't think she would," Eva smiled. "She seems happy with Lily back, doesn’t she?"

"Yeah," David mumbled and called Neal over. "But Lily doesn’t seem so happy herself."

"No," Eva picked Neal up, and he fell asleep immediately on her shoulder. "She doesn’t."

After David placed the children in their car seats, he turned his head up to the bedroom window where Lily and Emma were sitting. He could see the shadows of the girls moving around, looking like they were dancing. And then one of the shadows stopped, and moved over to the window. The curtain was pulled away and Lily's face appeared, looking down at him. She wasn't smiling, eyes dark and following David. He smiled and waved at her. Lily waved back, and gave him a small smile. But it was more sad then happy.

David bit his lip slightly as Lily closed the curtain and disappeared from view.

"Let me know how she's doing tomorrow," David said quietly to Eva. "My guess is a good night sleep will fix her bad mood."

He hoped he sounded more sure then he felt.


	14. Chapter 14

"Today was odd, wasn't it?"

Killian looked up from the pile of fish he was cleaning to see Milah had sat down besides him with a pensive look on her face. Her long hair had been unleashed from the Dutch braid she'd kept it in during their work and was now flying around her face, obscuring it for moments at a time. She looked like she belonged in a music video.

"We did all right today," Killian said, frowning down at the fish he was holding. Henry had asked if Killian could make him a mounted fish he could put above his bed, and Killian needed to decide if David would kill him if he handed Henry a dead animal as decoration.

"That's not what I meant," Milah smiled. "I meant that it was rather odd without Emma with us. I've gotten quite attached to the child."

Killian smiled, "As have I."

" _That_ we have all noticed," Milah snorted. "As well as your attachment to her father."

Killian threw the fish into the pile. Best ask David first.

"Smee finds it 'cute'."

Killian's hand froze on its way to gey another fish and he growled, " _Cute?_ "

"Does that insult your masculine tenderness?" Milah gave him a faux-sad look.

"Slightly, yes," Killian said dryly.

Milah gave him a side eye, "That's pathetic, Killian. Work on your feelings of self-worth."

Killian snorted, "Really? David thinks my self-worth needs shrinking."

"That too," Milah acknowledged with a tilt of her head.

"Well, they can't both be true."

"With a complicated man like you? They quite easily can."

Killian studied Milah for a moment, "I'm honestly not sure if that's a complement or not."

"…not really, no," Milah shrugged and placed her chin on her hand, studying him. Killian sighed and wiped his hands on his jeans.

"Yes?"

"Hmm?"

"You're looking at me like you want to say something," Killian pointed at Milah accusingly.

"No, not really," Milah mused. "I'm just enjoying the view."

"The…view," Killian tilted his head. "I'm afraid you're not quite my type, love."

Milah smiled genuinely and said, "Oh, we've already ascertained that years ago. It doesn't mean I can't enjoy nice scenery. And a Killian love is incredibly nice scenery indeed."

"Thank you," Killian said, before Milah's words hit him, and then his eyes widened. "I'm-"

"Are you about to tell me that you're not in love?" Milah's smile grew gentle. "Though, since you've never been in love before, it doesn’t surprise me that you wouldn't be able to tell."

And, because Milah knew when she'd had the last word, she stood up and walked away, leaving Killian gaping after her.

*

David stared at the dog.

The dog stared at David.

David stared at the dog.

"Wilby," David warned. "Don’t make this harder than it needs to be. We're going home now."

It might have been David's imagination, but he thought he saw the dog narrowing his eyes as he grasped the part of the leash he'd chewed off in his mouth. It was David's fault, really. His mind had been wondering, thinking about-well, the things his mind usually wondered too. Each of the kids in a line (according to age, that's just how they were organized in his mind), then things from work (which he had just left) and finally Killian. That one was the newest addition, obviously, but it took about the same amount of time as the second. The only thing that took more of his brainpower nowhere days were the children.

"Wilby," David tried again, this time in a cajoling tone. That got Wilby's attention, and he cocked his head to the side. "Come here, buddy, we're going home, you've run around enough."

He motioned Wilby over, and the dog took one tentative step towards him.

"Attaboy, c'mon," David cooed encouragingly, and Wilby took another step, sniffing his outstretched hand. "One more step so I can grab you and-"

Then his phone rang and Wilby took a few jumps backwards.

David rolled his eyes, glad that Wilby at least hadn’t run too far away.

"You just wait right there, don't you dare run away," David warned the dog as he answered the call. "Yeah?"

"David?"

"Graham?" David sighed. "Hi, sheriff, who found what animal wondering where?"

"Ah…" The sheriff cleared his throat, and David frowned.

"Graham, what's wrong?" David snapped his fingers to keep Wilby's attention on him.

He heard the sheriff sigh and then he said, "We got a call from Ruby. She caught Emma and Lily…they were trying to steal money from the cashier, David."

David's heart dropped.

"She didn’t," He stupidly said.

_Oh, fuck, not this again._

"David, I'm sorry, but she did," Graham sounded pained.

David closed his eyes, trying to breathe. God, this hadn't even been one of his nightmares. He was afraid his children would be hurt, afraid they would somehow be taken away from him, afraid they's hate him, afraid they'd be scared of the world and not feel comfortable in it. But David had never considered to be afraid that one of his children would break the _fucking goddamn law_. Not now, not when things weren't in survival-mode.

"I'm coming," David snapped the phone close and grabbed hold of Wilby's collar. The dog whimpered and looked up at David with reproach, but David just narrowed his eyes at him. He didn't have time to be nice right now.

*

"Dad-"

"You, quiet," David snapped as he walked into the sheriff's department, letting go of Wilby's collar. Emma, who had started to stand up from her seat, quickly sat back down next to Lily, and hugged Wilby when he came to stand in front of her.

David took a quick look around the space, taking everything in. Graham sitting behind his desk, by the computer, eyes glued to the girls, Ruby pacing behind them, back and forth, back and forth. She'd been crying recently, he could tell. Her hair was ruffled, she'd been rubbing her head in frustration. Eva and Leopold, sitting on chairs by the window, watching everyone else with their intelligent and kind eyes.

And the girls…Lily had her hair in a ponytail, hands clenching the arms of her chair. She was looking down at the floor, but David still managed to catch a glimpse of her expression. She looked nervous, and disappointed. David felt like a ton of bricks had hit him when he realized that Lily very much looked like she was disappointed in _herself._

And Emma. His Emma. His fucking first born was sitting there with a panicked look on her face, hand held out in front of Lily as though to stop anyone from trying to take her away. As if she thought someone might actually try to hurt her friend.

"David," Graham cleared his throat.

"What happened?" David snapped, and he saw his daughter stiffen.

 _You don't usually use that tone around her_ , he told himself. _She's not used to hearing disappointment in your voice_.

Well, she certainly deserved it now.

Ruby stopped her stomping and glared at the two girls before turning to David, "I was in the back for a few moments, and I come out to find these two young ladies-" she slapped Emma and Lily both on the back of the head, and the two girls winced. David would have given her a thumbs up if the girls weren’t looking in the same direction. "-trying to break into the cashier."

"Jesus fucking Christ," David mumbled, and this time Emma froze, mouth agape. Cursing was _certainly_ not something she was used to hearing from him. "Why?"

Emma swallowed and looked away, but she couldn't escape from him that easily.

"Emma," David said warningly. " _Why_?"

"It wasn't Emma's fault," Lily burst out, still not looking up from the floor.

"Lily," Eva said gently.

"It was my idea, ok? Emma just stood there," Lily shook her head.

Eva sighed deeply and looked up at Graham, "We're going to have to call her foster parents, aren't we?"

"No!"

David jumped in shock at Lily's scream as suddenly her head whipped up and she glared at Eva, making the older woman flinch. David didn't blame her. The darkness in her eyes was unsettling.

"You can't call them," Lily said, shaking her head.

There was a moment of stunned silence, and then Lily took a deep breath, or at least tried to. Her breath was caught in the middle and she shook her head. When she next spoke, her voice broke a few times, though she valiantly soldiered on.

"Ever since I've left, everything has gotten worse. My life, no matter what I do, is just wrong. And every time I try to make better choices it blows up in my face. It's like I'm cursed or something. _Please_ don't make me leave again."

"We won't," David said immediately, anger washing out of him in favor of an overwhelming need to reassure this young girl.

"Lily," Ruby said quietly. "I'm not pressing charges."

She frowned when everyone turned to look at her.

"What?" Ruby demanded.

"You…you said you would," Emma said, sounding stunned.

"I was just trying to scare you," Ruby waved a hand dismissively. "Though, if either of you ever tries anything like that again…"

"You'll rip our arms off?" Emma asked.

"Bingo."

"I approve of the scare tactic," David mumbled, rubbing his face.

"If Ruby's not going to press charges, the two of you are free to go," Graham told the girls. "Find yourselves here again and I'll put you behind the bars."

"Come on, Lily, let's get you home," Leopold said in a tired sounding voice, and stood up, motioning Lily after him.

Looking apprehensive, Lily gave Leopold a long look, then looked back at Emma. Emma looked down at the floor, and Lily bit her lip before turning and walking out of the office.

Leopold sighed and followed the girl. Eva walked over to David and gave him a sort hug. David nearly melted into the touch.

"I'll talk to you later," Eva said quietly, then turned to Emma. "And you…you need to spend a lot of time thinking, yes?"

"Yes, Grandma," Emma mumbled as her grandmother shook her head and followed her husband out.

Emma turned to David, eyes large and pleading.

"Daddy-"

"I don't want to hear anything out of you right now," David snapped. "Go to the car and take Wilby."

Emma bit her lip and nodded, shuffling away. When it was just Ruby Graham and David in the room, Ruby took a deep breath.

"Well," She said with false cheer. "That was interesting."

David huffed and turned to her, "Ruby, I'm so sor-"

"David, don't worry about it," Ruby said gently. "I mean, yeah, worry about it, like as a parent, but trust me those girls weren't even close to getting what they were after. Maybe if it was just Lily…but Emma was not even close to being subtle enough."

"Thank you, Ruby, for letting me know that my daughter would not make a good thief," David snapped. He felt like he was about to explode, he felt like his mind was closing in on him. He felt like he was about to collapse onto himself and disappear from the world. He wanted to stop it, he didn't know how to stop it.

He wanted Killian.

"Davey, it's ok," Ruby said sternly.

"Is it?" What was he supposed to do at this point?

 _Breathe_ , Killian's voice whispered in his mind. _Isn't that what the doctor said?_

Right. Breathe. So David did so. He breathed. Slowly, in and out, until he could see the world again.

Until he could be the father that Emma deserved and needed, and not the scared little boy hiding in the corner that he really, really wanted to be. There would be time for that later, after the children were asleep and Killian was there and the world was quiet again.

*

Emma was waiting for him outside, sitting on the back of the truck, curled into Wilby shaking slightly. When David came up, she rubbed her eyes roughly as if to try to hide the fact that she had been crying. It wasn't successful.

David didn't say anything, just got into the driver's seat and waited. He waited for around fifteen minutes, but eventually Emma got into the passenger's seat, rubbing her eyes and taking deep breathes. Her eyes were still a little red, but she'd gotten most of the tears out already.

They drove for a while, in tense silence, past all of the buildings in the town and into the forests beyond. They made their way into Arendelle and David looked at Emma when he came to a stop in front of the Ice Palace, an ice ring that during the summer was converted into a roller blade arena. It also had a tiny little café inside the ring, and that was where David took his daughter. The sound of the rollerbladers created a cocoon of sound around them that isolated the two of them from the rest of the world. They tied Wilby to the table and he settled underneath him, employed in chewing the bone Elsa, the Ice Palace's owner, had handed to him when they came into the ring. She's also gave Emma a long and considering look and then a hug.

He ordered Emma a hot chocolate and himself a coffee, and then leaned down and waited for Emma to speak. It took until she got a few sips of hot chocolate in her and before she cleared her throat and began speaking.

"I…I don’t know why we did it."

David took a deep breath but said nothing. This wasn't the time to talk. This was the time to listen and nothing more.

"We just went to get ice cream," Emma continued. "And then Ruby was going in the back and Lily got this grin, and she looked so happy and I've been trying to get her that happy since she came back and…and then Lily said 'let me to teach you something', and that's when…when we tried to get into the cashier. And Ruby caught us. And that was it."

David rubbed his face, "That was it?"

Emma took another sip of her drink, "I didn't even realize it was happening until it was over."

" _Emma_ ," David groaned, honestly disappointed in his daughter. "Is this how I raised you? Are you really going to let Lily take all the blame for this?"

"No," Emma sighed. "Ok, I knew what we were trying to do. It was her idea, but-but I went along with it."

"Better," David nodded. "Go on."

"I-" Emma hesitated. "There's nothing else to say. That’s what happened."

"Good, so now I need to know why it happened," David told his daughter. Then quickly added, "And just to be clear this will have no effect on the punishment you will receive. That’s already been determined."

Emma opened her mouth and then closed it again. She shook her head and clutched her cup, "I don't know, Daddy."

"I can understand that," David said gently. "Sometimes we don't know why we do the things we do. Sometimes we do things just because our friends want to do them."

"Yeah…" Emma bit her lip. "But I don't know why Lily wanted to do it. Why would she want to steal from Ruby?"

"Mayb-"

"She lies, a lot," Emma continued "She doesn't seem to notice, but she lies all the time. Why does she do that?"

"She's been away from us for a long time," David said gently. "And people change. We don’t know what she's gone through the past five years."

Emma glared at him, "That's a bad answer."

"It's all I can give you," David said. and that hurt. Knowing that he couldn't always give his daughter the answers she needed, couldn't always contextualize the world for her, so it was clear and simple. He wanted to protect her and keep her in a safe and secure state of mind, but of course he couldn't. She was becoming an adult. She needed to create her own sense of safety and security. And that could only be built on an understanding that the world was very often not safe, and not secure.

Emma nodded and leaned down to hug Wilby's neck, which David was quite sure was at least partially to hide her face from her father. David steeled himself.

 _Let her do that, too_ , he had to remind himself. _You can't know everything, you don't want to know everything, show her she can have her space._ Huh. The sessions with Dr. Hopper seemed to be working. He'd certainly ingrained a lot of the man's kernels of wisdom.

When Emma looked back up, there was a steel in her eyes that wasn't there before, and she quietly stated, "You're disappointed in me."

"No," David said immediately. "I'm disappointed in your actions, not in you."

"I guess that's better," Emma seemed to think. "You weren't as angry…last time."

"You were much younger last time," David pointed out. "I expect you to know better now."

Emma nodded, "That makes sense."

"Yeah."

"Hi, Dad?"

"Yeah, baby?"

"We're…we're going to help Lily, right?" Emma's lower lip was trembling.

"Yes," David told her calmly. "You can trust your Grandma and Grandpa on this."

Emma nodded.

"Oh, and you should know, you're grounded until the start of the school year. No video games, no TV, and you will be volunteering at Granny's Dinner for the rest of the summer."

It was at that point that self-reflection and confusion turned into outrage and the clear understanding that parents were a disgusting breed that should be eradicated from the earth.

"But-"

"Oh, and hand me your phone."

"But-" Emma repeated and looked down at her phone lovingly.

"Grounded, remember?"

"But how am I supposed to talk to people?" Emma explained, looking genuinely puzzled. David supressed the urge to roll his eyes.

"You know, this might shock you, but it _is_ actually possible to survive a week without being in constant contact with your friends."

The look Emma gave him told him that actually, no, that was absolutely not possible. David elected to ignore that, motioning for the phone. Emma obliged, sporting the kind of look that could freeze over the ocean.

*

"Dad hates me."

Killian rolled his eyes. Even conceding to teenaged angst, that statement was so ridiculous it was barely worth a response. David's whole brain would have to be replaced for him to ever hate one of his children. And maybe his heart as well. And stomach, while whoever the creep was that exchanged his organs was at it.

Emma looked up from where she was huddled pathetically on her father's bed, curled around Wilby. Killian sat down on the bed, leaning against the headboard of the bed and Emma immediately placed her head on his shoulder.

"I really screwed up," She added in a small voice.

"You truly did,'' Killian agreed immediately.

Emma frowned at him, "Thanks, Killian."

"Well, you did," Killian reminded her. "Would you prefer I lie to you?"

"No," Emma sighed in agreement. "I don't. But still…"

"You screwed up," Killian told her again. "And you worried and disappointed your father. And now, instead of being out there and trying to make up for what you did, you're laying in here and feeling sorry for yourself."

Emma stiffened and pushed away from Killian, looking at him with narrowed eyes, "I had a long day, ok? I just need-"

"Your father had a very long day, not least of all because of you. And he's currently putting your sister to bed while a load of laundry, dishes and a bathtub your sister puked in that needed to be clean are waiting for his attention. You had a long day, yours is over. His isn’t."

Emma stared at him for a moment, then cleared her throat and stood up. When Killian joined her in the kitchen, he found her with a look of deep concentration, stacking the dishes.

By the time David came down, rubbing his eyes and looking like he was trying very hard not to fall asleep on his feet, Emma had finished the dishes and Killian had cleaned up the living room.

David blinked at Emma in slight surprise. Emma bit her lip and shuffled her feet, clearly unsure of what to say. Killian got the urge to interfere and help the child, but he sat down on the sofa instead and waited quietly to see what would happen.

"I, um, did the dishes," Emma mumbled, still looking at the floor.

"I see that," David replied, and smiled at his daughter. "Thank you, sweetheart."

Emma perked up, turning away from the floor, "Can we watch a movie tonight?"

"No movies, remember?" David replied. "Up to your room, Emma. And thanks, again."

"I don't even get a day shaved off my punishment?" Emma rolled her eyes. "You know, parole is set up so that prisoners have an incentive to behave."

"I'm so glad that's what Zelena is teaching you," David replied dryly. "But in Daddy's prison the incentive for good behavior is to stop yourself from getting a longer punishment. Try to go to sleep early tonight, you're getting up at six thirty so you can be at Granny's Dinner in time."

"Wha-urgh," Emma rolled her eyes and stomped away. She got half the way up the stairs before stopping and turning to look dramatically at her father. "See if I help you again, ever."

"Goodnight, baby."

"Goodnight, Dad," Emma grumbled. But she did slam the door behind her, so Killian assumed her teen pride was still intact.

"That was amusing," Killian grinned, then jumped when David's bedroom door slammed shut just as loudly.

"Bloody hell," Killian ran after David.

He found him curled into his chair in the room, knees brought up to hug his own chest, face buried in the space between them. He was still, very still. Killian wasn't sure if that was a good sign or a bad one.

"Hey, darling," Killian settled down on his knees before David and slithered his arm in between David's legs to lightly caress his chest. "You hiding from a monster?"

David let out a broken and wet laugh that tugged at Killian's heart strings.

"Will you come out? I promise to protect you?" At some point Killian's voice went from joking to serious.

Still in the same huddled position, David swung forward into Killian's arms. Killian sighed deeply and pulled his arm around David's neck so his face could burrow into Killian's shoulder, where he cried, silent tears wetting Killian's shirt.

It took a while, but eventually the tears ran out and David nosed at Killian's shoulder and mumbled, "Sorry."

"I'm going to cuff your ears."

"Aha," David sighed and finally moved, uncurling so he could pull Killian up and drag the two of them to the bed.

Killian moved David so his head was resting on Killian's chest and ran his fingers through the blond's hair.

"If it makes you feel any better, I find it rather impressive that Emma made it to sixteen without breaking any law or trying to steal anything."

"She hasn't," David whispered at he dug into Killian's shirt with his fists.

Killian frowned, "Hasn't she?"

"She tried to steal a candy bar from the supermarket when she was thirteen."

"Thirteen?" Killian rubbed his face, and David made a disappointed sound, so he went back to scratching David's skull. "That's when-"

"It was two weeks after Mary-Margaret died," David sighed. "It was for attention. I…I had a baby. And a two-year-old. And Henry spent most of his time reading in his castle. It was one of the first times I was alone with her since her mother died. The first time I let my mom stay with Hope. Just for an hour, so we could go to the store and get Emma some treats that she wanted. She didn’t want me to leave her again. So she tried to steal a candy."

"And…you think that's what's going on now," Killian guessed.

"It wasn't Emma's idea, she just went along with the flow. It's Lily who's trying to get attention."

"Oh," Killian looked up at the ceiling. "You were crying for Lily."

"Yeah," David said in a small voice. "And I need to know why."

*

"I still think we should call Lily's foster parents."

David closed his eyes, leaning back against Killian's chest with the phone in his hand. He'd called Eva as soon as he felt in control of himself again. She'd agreed with the idea to send Lily and Emma to work at Granny's Diner for the next ten days and informed him that she'd talked to Lily, but got no useful information out of her. She'd gotten nothing but an apology and a request to reaffirm that Eva and Leopold weren't going to call her foster parents. She was currently being taught to play chess by Leopold.

"Please don’t, Eva," David sighed. "If you do that, she'll never trust us again."

"She doesn’t trust us _now_. And they're her legal guardians, they have a right to know-"

"They've only had her for three months," David mumbled.

"That doesn’t matter."

"Look," David growled, and felt Killian's hand tighten against his thigh warningly. He shot him an angry look and Killian raised an eyebrow at him. David sighed. Right. No yelling at his mother-in-law. Probably a good idea. He lowered his tone. "Look. Eva, no charge from Ruby, nothing happened, right?"

"They might be able to help us. Maybe they know why she did it."

"She did it because she wanted attention, Eva."

Eva was silent for a moment and then she said gently, "You mean like Emma."

"Yeah."

Another moment of silence. Then, "Leopold will keep playing with her until she falls asleep."

"Thanks."

*

"Ah…what am I looking at?"

"The horizon."

"Right…is it doing something?" David squinted. "There isn't a child in there, is there? I feel like since they have the potential to drown in there they might give it a shot."

Killian snorted, "No children. I just thought you'd find it calming."

"Right," David looked out. "It's nice."

"But not calming?"

"I'm sure for some people," David sighed, eyes going over to Hope and Neal building their sand castle with Henry conducting their work. "Maybe I'm just not in the mood to be calmed right now."

Killian caught one of David's hands with his own and placed it gently on his lap, covering the hand. David looked down at it.

"David," Killian said quietly. "I can tell your heart is uneasy. And it's my job-at least I hope it's my job, to protect your heart."

David looked up at him and said quietly, "That's an _amazing_ line. Where did you get it?"

"From my brain," Killian replied, feeling a bit less worried. "From my rather impressive mind."

David smiled slightly, and Killian took that as an invitation. He wrapped his arms around David's shoulders and tugged him down to lean on his chest. David went easily, snuggling against Killian.

"Tell me what's wrong?" Killian asked.

"Lily," David told him. "I went to Granny's Diner to see how the girls were doing. Lily's too quiet. Far, far too quiet." 

_You're such a good man_ , Killian thought as he held on to David. Most people, he knew, wouldn't spend too much thought on someone else's child while they had four of their own.

 _That's the point, though_ , Killian realized. _Lily isn't anybody's child. Not really. If David won't protect her, no one will._

"Have you tried talking to her?" He suggested.

"I did," David sighed deeply. "She told me nothing is wrong."

"Perhaps nothing _is_ wrong" Killian suggested, but David shook his head.

"There's something wrong with her," David said. "And I need to figure out what. I need to figure out if her family is doing anything to hurt her."

"Perhaps I could talk to her."

"About what? Leather, conditioner or eyeliner?"

Killian snorted, but then grew serious again, "I may be able to…relate."

David stilled in Killian's arms.

"Relate?"

 _Oh_ , Killian thought. _That had been a mistake._

His instinct was proven correct when David pushed away from him, standing up.

"Killian," He said quietly. "Were you-were you abused as a child?"

"I-" Killian tried to force himself to tell David the truth, to be honest, but fear got the better of him and he smiled softly. "Come back, David, it was rather pleasant to-"

" _Killian_."

"No," Killian lied. "I wasn't."

David looked at him with a disgusted look on his face and marched away, towards the children.

"Bloody hell," Killian groaned to himself. "Killian, you're such a fucking idiot."

*

David's hands shook with rage, and he had to stop cutting Hope's food before she'd be able to t ell something was wrong. With a raised eyebrow, James took over, cutting the chicken into manageable pieces and handing the plate back to the waiting Hope.

"There you go, princess," James said cheerfully. "What do you say?"

Hope, who was already making her way to the patio table where the rest of the family was seated, stopped in her tracks, sighed deeply as if she was being deeply put upon, and said, "Thanks."

"Atta girl. This is why you're my favourite three-year-old niece."

Hope perked up, and there was a spring to her step when she made her way back to her grandmother and sat down next to her.

"Ok," James said briskly, opening the grill to check on the hamburgers. "That's four. How long do we have until they come for a refill?"

"Ten minutes, give or take."

"That should be enough time," James turned back to David. "What's wrong."

"Nothing," David said automatically.

James snorted, "God, Davey, you're such a terrible liar."

"I think I just can't lie to _you_."

"Very possible," James acknowledged with a grin. "Though, it doesn’t really matter in this case. Point is, you're lying. Now, are you going to tell me what's wrong or am I going to have to force it out of you?"

David slumped down on his chair. He probably should offer to replace James on the grill. His brother could be very territorial with that thing, it might distract him for a few moments.

"It's been a bad few days," David mumbled. "Emma and Lily-"

"I know," James stole a glance at the table, and David followed his gaze to see Emma sitting there, fuming. James had taken her three younger siblings riding that evening before dinner, but Emma had been forced to remain behind due to her grounding, and was not taking it very well.

James turned to look back at David.

"But that's not why you're angry."

David huffed. It didn’t count as lying if he didn't say anything.

"Trouble in paradise?"

James grinned down at the grill, looking very pleased with himself as David growled slightly in response.

"God, I hate you sometimes, Jimmy."

"I know, bud, I know," James began stocking the cooked hamburgers on a plate. "What did he do?"

David bit his lip, "He lied to me."

James raised an eyebrow, "Uh…and?"

"And? And I don’t like being lied too."

"Davey," James voice took on a slightly gentle tone. "You also lie."

"No, I don’t," David frowned.

"Three minutes ago you told me that nothing was wrong," James pointed out.

David frowned, "Well, yeah, but-that wasn't a _big_ -"

"You lie about big things as well, you just tell yourself it's for good reasons."

"God, sometimes I _really_ hate you," David mumbled, because he couldn't deny the truth of his twin's words.

James nodded, accepting his victory with grace, and asked, "What did he lie about?"

David hesitated. He wasn't sure he could tell James about his suspicions regarding either Killian or Lily's childhoods. It wasn't exactly his story to tell. Or lack of a story, anyway. Since he _wasn't being_ _told anything_. So instead he told James, "Something big."

"Something big that you couldn't tell me about?" When David nodded, James shrugged. "Fair enough. Look, Davey, can I be honest with you?"

"Have I ever been able to stop you from doing that?"

"Ah, no. Nope. Not since I started talking two months before you…"

"And haven't stopped since. What's your _point_ , James?"

"My _point_ is that people are intitled to their own lives," James waved over the kids and their mother, pointing enthusiastically at the hamburgers. "And you can't force closeness. It just leads to disaster."

David blinked at his brother as the children descended on the meat.

"James, you made good use of those two months, didn't you?"

James laughed as David took his phone out and sent Killian a message, asking him to come over that night.

*

"I know there's something you're not telling me," David said quietly as he lowered Hope into her bed, motioning Killian to follow him out. "About your past. About your childhood."

"I-" Killian swallowed, fear bubbling inside of him.

"And that's ok."

Killian looked up.

"What's not ok is you lying to me about it."

"I haven't been entirely forthright with you," Killian said. He felt two needs warring inside of him. The need to keep David happy, to give him everything he asked for, and the need to keep him close, to keep them together. And if David knew everything about what had happened, he wouldn't stay with Killian, would he? Killian was tainted, he was damaged goods. He wasn't clean and clear like David deserved. "The truth is-"

"Look, whatever happened to you, it doesn’t matter," David said as he closed the bedroom door. "It's not going to change anything between us."

"That's quite a lot of faith you're putting on me, David," He was wrong, David was wrong. He didn't know what he was saying. There was absolutely no way he would still think that if he knew.

"I know," David shrugged and took Killian's hand, leading him back down to the living room. He sat down on the couch and tugged Killian down next to him. "But there's a good reason."

"What's that?"

"Because," David said slowly. "Whatever happened, you can tell me on your own time. Because no matter what, I'm going to do what Mary-Margaret taught me, and choose to see the best in you."

"All right," Killian nodded. "Then, if that's acceptable for you, I won't tell you yet." 

David smiled gently, though Killian could see hurt in his eyes.

"That would be acceptable," David kissed Killian gently and Killian felt a shiver go down his spine at the tender touch.


	15. Chapter 15

"Hey," Emma blinked up at Killian as he walked into the diner. Killian was slightly amused by the angry look on her face, as though she were a martyred saint forced to fight lions in the colosseum.

"Hello, darling," Killian settled down on the bar stool in front of Emma. "How is your day going?"

Emma glared at him, "It's boring. Why couldn't I just work for you for the week? That's much more interesting than working at the **Diner**."

"I don't think the point was to enjoy yourself, dear Emma. I think the point was to make up your had behavior."

"I know, I know, I know," Emma rolled her eyes. "Can I get you something or are you just here to be stupidly smug about my mistakes?"

Killian grinned, "As much as I enjoy being stupidly smug, I actually do have a purpose here. Where's your friend?"

"Lily? You want to talk to Lily?"

Killian leaned over to rub Emma's head and said, "I knew you were a smart one."

Emma rolled her eyes.

"God, you're such a jerk sometimes," Emma accused. Killian just shrugged and Emma sighed. "Lily's helping Ruby stock cans."

"Get her for me?"

"Yeah, yeah," Emma sighed. "Just stay here, I guess."

"Thank you, darling."

Emma gave him the finger. 

Killian only had to wait a few moments before the dark-haired teen came out and leaned against the wall, studying Killian with an intelligent look in her eyes. She was an incredibly beautiful girl. She'd probably be able to be a rather successful model if she wanted to. But what a waste that would be. There was clearly far too much going on behind her eyes for her to take that career path.

"You're Killian Jones," The girl told him. And yes, he'd known that before.

"And you're Lily Page," He told the girl. And yes, she'd known that before.

But it was good to get the obvious facts out of the way first.

Lily pushed away from the wall, moving over to him, "I can't believe Mr. Nolan is dating a _guy_."

Killian snorted, "Is that so?'

"I thought for sure he'd end up dating someone just like Mary-Margaret. You know, so he could pretend she hadn't died?"

Killian blinked at the girl, "That's rather dark."

Lily shrugged.

"Come on," Killian stood up and walked over to one of the booths. "Come sit with me, we need to talk."

"What for?" But Lily did move around the counter and sat down in front of Killian.

They stood watching each other for a moment before Killian cleared his throat and said, "Tell me about them."

Lily looked out the window, "My foster parents?"

"Hmm."

"Why?" Lily shrugged. "Not much to say."

Ah. Now Killian thought he understood. He leaned forward and said quietly, "They're not good just because they're not as bad as other people. They're doing a good job just because you've lived with people who've done a worst."

Lily flinched violently.

"What have they done, Lily?"

"They don't do anything to me," Lily growled. They sat together in silent before she burst out, "They just don't love me."

"Ah."

"And I forgot what it was like…to be around people who care. Leopold taught me to paly chess and Eva asked me food I want to eat. It was nice. But then I had to go ahead and ruin it. I don't know what these people think about me now."

"Nothing too bad. These people are patently incapable of thinking the worst of others. It's a character flaw, if you ask me." A severe one.

Lily glared at Killian and said, "They're sending me away in a few days. They don't care about me."

 _David cried for you_ , Killian thought. _Trust me, they care_.

"Well, they could have told your foster parents what you did," Killian pointed out. "And they didn't."

"That's very nice of them," Lily snapped. "It doesn’t help me, does it?"

"No, I suppose it doesn’t," Killian admitted.

"I was stupid," Lily bit her lip. "I never should have come back here. I should have just run away again. I'm sure this time the system wouldn't put so much effort in finding me. I'm at that age, you know. They've more or less given up on me. Lots of adorable little kids that can still be saved. I won't stay in this foster home for much longer."

"You don't think you can be saved?"

Lily glared at him, "I'd rather save myself."

"You can't," Killian said bluntly. "No one can. Unfortunate, but true. No one can climb out of a ditch by themselves."

"We all need a hand?" Lily looked at him searchingly. "Did David do that for you?"

"Intelligent girl, aren't you?"

Lily almost smiled at that.

*

"She's not being abused."

David jumped when a voice whispered those words in his ear. He put the medical instruments he was cleaning down and turned to see Killian standing right behind him, arms folded and a wrinkle in his forehead.

"What-"

"She's emotionally neglected."

"Oh," David said dumbly, and took a deep breath. Killian stepped away slightly and started pacing the surgery room. They were operating on a pug in a few minutes to take out a growth in his leg, and David was preparing the room while Dr. Thatcher prepped the patient. And tried to calm the dog's owners.

He watched Killian stomp up and down, and realized with a start that Killian was trying very hard not to cry.

"That sounds like abuse to me," David said quietly.

"Very hard to prove," Killian mumbled. "Even if you wanted to. And if she'd taken away from her foster family, what will happen to her then? She's sixteen, chances are they won't be able to find her a good new home."

"I know," David replied.

"No, you do not," Killian snapped. "Believe me-"

"Ok, ok," David raised his hands in surrender. "I don’t."

Killian turned to look at David, and took a deep breath, composing himself.

"But you do."

Killian froze and David wanted to slap himself. That was not a smart thing to say. But then Killian sighed deeply and said, "Yes. I do."

Silence.

"I was in quite a few homes in my time."

David opened his mouth to reply, but before he could, Dr. Thatcher walked into the room holding the pug. He stopped in front of Killian and cleared his throat.

"Um…it's nice to see you again, Mr. Jones, but…we're about to cut into this dog…"

"Right, I'm leaving," Killian nodded and started stomping out of the room.

"Will you come over later?" David asked.

Killian stopped, nodded, and then rushed out. Dr. Thatcher raised an eyebrow at David, and David rolled his eyes.

"Don't say anything. That's what I have a twin brother for."

*

Emma was waiting for David outside of Granny's Diner when he came to pick her up. She was seated on the bench, playing with her hair and looking down at the ground with a frown. David stopped the truck in front of Emma and leaned his head out of the window and honked the horn once, making Emma jump up slightly and scowl at her father.

"You coming?" David asked.

Emma nodded, stomping over and getting into her seat. David glanced at Emma as he started driving towards Hope's kindergarten. She had tied her hair behind her face, so there was really no place for her to hide her expression. Which was tight and hard and confused.

"I heard Killian and Lily talk."

David rubbed his forehead, "Where you eavesdropping?"

"Yes," Emma said bluntly.

"Right," David rolled his eyes. "Do I _need_ to tell you that's wrong?"

"No, I know," Emma shrugged.

"Well, I guess I've done _something_ right…" David mumbled.

"It's not funny!" Emma snapped as David came to a stop in front of the kindergarten. "It's not funny, Dad. She's…she's…they don't love her, and she lives with them!"

"Em-"

"And that's wrong!" Emma's eyes flickered with angry light, and David turned to face her, sending a quick look at his watch. He had ten minutes before Hope's kindergarten let out. He still had time. "It's wrong, Dad!"

"It is," David said gently. "You're not wrong about that."

"This is all your fault," Emma yelled. "You and Mom said that good always wins-well, it doesn't. Mom was good, and she didn't win. She just died. And Lily is good, and she deserves to be happy, and she isn't."

"Emma," David said quietly.

"No, stop! It's not fair, it's not ok!"

"I know."

"It's-" Emma stopped herself. "What?"

"You're right," David told her simply. He sighed deeply and placed a hand on Emma's shoulder. "You're right, the world isn't always fair. And we should have told you that."

And they hadn't. David's children had been exposed to death at an early age, but moral complexity was something they were kept far, far away from. David's father had died, but he was an alcoholic and bad parent and so deserved to go. And Mary-Margaret…she just didn't believe in bad things happening to good people. She'd lived her life sheltered and protected by loving parents and an easy life. Even getting pregnant at sixteen had not changed that.

And then she had died. She had died and left them without the most optimistic person in their lives. Instead of teaching Emma and Henry that sometimes the world wasn't fair and life was hard, he'd simply ignored the lessons Mary-Margaret had taught them and let them fester in their mind.

And when you didn't teach your children that bad things happen, you didn’t teach them that they were capable of facing those things and coming out on top.

"Sometimes, bad things happen," Emma said.

"And that hurts," David took a deep breath. "Doesn't it?"

"Yeah," Emma looked out the window. "Because I can't stop it."

"Always. You can't _always_ stop it," David corrected. "Sometimes you can, sometimes you'll be able to help people."

"What does that matter, if I can't protect the people I care about?" Emma growled. "What does it matter, if I can't protect Lily right now?"

"Emma…"

"Shut up!" Emma screamed. "Just…just shut up for a moment, please!"

David closed his mouth.

His daughter took a deep breath and said, "I can't fight this, can I? I can't really help her."

"First of all, Emma, yes you can. You can help Lily," David replied. "And second of all, you know, there's more to life than just looking for the next fight. You gotta look for the moments."

"Moments?" Emma gave him a suspicious look.

" _Yes_ , moments," David nodded. "Life is made up of small little moments, good and bad, but they're all worth living. And those moments are where you can make Lily's life easier."

Emma wiped her eyes, "Our family seems to be a magnet for the bad ones."

David wrapped an arm around Emma, which she allowed, and said, "Then all the more reason to look for the good ones between the bad ones."

"Like when we went to see Grandma Ruth in the hospital and she gave me that ugly sweater she knit me and we all laughed."

"Or how you used to play around my dad's graveyard. You turned a sad place into a playground."

"Or how Mom died," Emma leaned against David. "But we got Hope."

"Yeah, that's a big one," David closed his eyes.

Emma looked up to him, "I used to hate her. Does that make me a bad person?"

"No, baby," David sighed. "It makes sense. You were just a little girl, and your mom had just died."

Emma bit her lip, "I don’t hate her anymore. I just wish she could have been born without Mom dying."

"I wish the same."

"But bad things still keep happening to us," A tear fell down Emma's cheek, and David wiped it away.

"So do good things," David argued. "But you're right. Bad things…they'll keep happening, princess. For the rest of your life. That's just how it is. What you need to learn if how to take the good things when they come, and power through the bad ones. It's not easily. I'm thirty-two and I don't think I've mastered that skill yet."

"Mom did," Emma smiled against his shoulder. "Didn't she?"

David smiled as well, suddenly missing his wife so much it was a physical pain, "She was a very good at it."

"Ok," Emma took a deep breath and shrugged David off. "I'm ok now. Let's get Hope."

And then she stepped out of the car and started walking towards the building, back straight and proud. David smiled to himself in pride and joined his daughter.

*

Sometimes, David just didn't have the energy for making food. Sometimes he reached the point where there was just a fucking limit to what he could do. In those moments, there were a few options. He could make something like mac and cheese, that didn’t require so much energy. But that still required doing the dishes. Another choice was to go to Granny's Diner to get food, but after Emma and Lily's stunt he was…less then excited to take his kids there just yet. So, the last choice was to get lunch at someone else's. He'd leeched a meal out of his mother the night before, so it wasn't fair to go there again. And Zelena had just given birth, so if anyone was leeching a meal out of anyone, it was Zelena from him (he'd already given her around ten lasagnas).

After picking up all his children, David, feeling incredibly exhausted (Hope's loud crying over having to leave the block tower she was making was not helping), decided that enough was enough and he really didn't have the energy for this, called Leopold.

"Please tell me you have leftovers," David said as soon as his father in law picked up the phone.

"Is that Neal or Hope screaming in the background?"

"Hope-" David reached backwards to place a hand in between Hope and Neal to prevent a two-way slap. "You two, stop it!"

"Ah. I see you're having a moment here," Leopold sounded dryly amused. "Why don't you come over? Eva's out fishing with friends, but we'll make some frozen pizzas."

"Leopold, have I told you I love you?" David groaned, gaining a laugh out of Henry and an eye roll out of Emma.

"More than once, but it's still nice to hear."

*

David joined Leopold in his study after lunch. Eva had returned by then, and sighed deeply when she realized that instead of giving her grandchildren and Lily leftovers they'd instead made around six frozen pizzas and served them on plastic, disposable plates. But David was too tired to even defend himself, and had just grinned at her, and she had rolled her eyes and send the two of them into the study while she and the children worked on the garden.

"I'm going to die," David announced as he laid down on the couch. "I'm too tired to move, so I won't be able to feed myself, so I'll die of hunger."

Leopold looked up from his desk, "You're quoting Henry, aren't you?"

"Word for word," David admitted, and closed his eyes. "But it's such a good line…"

"Well, he didn't die, so…" Leopold sounded incredibly amused. He sighed deeply. "Look, David, I need to talk to you."

David's eyes opened and he pushed himself up, recognizing Leopold's serious tone. He sat down in front of Leopold and placed his hands on his desk, "What is it?"

Leopold tapped his fingers on the desk, "Lily talked to us."

"And what did she say?"

"More or less what she told Killian," Leopold replied.

"Right," David rubbed his face. "What are you going to do about it?"

Leopold smiled gently, "We're going to go back to the city with Lily. And we're going to talk to her social worker."

"That's…that's nice," David mumbled. "And what are you going to tell her?"

"We're not going to tell her anything, we're going to ask her to give us custody of Lily."

David's heart froze. Jesus Christ, he had not expected that. He didn't realize he was staring at Leopold until the man smiled sadly.

"You probably don't remember this, but before…before Mary-Margaret's death, Eva and I got ourselves accepted as a potential foster family. We had thought…well, things changed, didn't they? But we're still officially-"

"And you're going to take Lily in?"

"If we're allowed," Leopold nodded.

"I'm sure you will be," David mumbled. "She's sixteen, it's probably not so easy to find homes for her. I'm sure they'd jump on the rich, kind couple from her hometown that wants to take her in."

Leopold closed his eyes and rubbed his face, "We should have done that from the start. We never should have let her leave this place. Who knows what she's been through in the past five years? She's been passed around ten foster families. Did you know that? _Ten_."

"I didn't know that," David admitted. He shook his head. "It doesn’t matter. It's gone, it's past. The only thing that matters now is what we're going to do."

*

"So, I'm leaving?" Lily asked quietly.

"Tomorrow," David told her. "But you'll be coming back. I swear. Eva and Leopold are both going with you."

The girl bit her lip, "You promise?"

"I promise."

David looked at the girl, who was rubbing her eyes angrily.

David took a deep breath, "I'm sorry this happened to you, Lily. And I'm sorry we didn't protect you well enough."

Lily frowned, "What do you mean?"

"We should have made sure that you stayed in Storybrooke, somehow. That someone from here took you in."

"I was happy to leave, actually," Lily said and then took a deep breath. "But now I just want to stay at home. Do I have to leave?"

"I think you do, honey," David said gently. "But I swear to you, I swear that Eva and Leopold won't come back here without you. However long it takes, they won't leave you there alone."

Lily looked up at the sky and then nodded, "Ok. I believe you."

And then she walked away. Just like that, as if there was nothing more to say. As if her belief in David was the end of the story and not, as it felt for David at that moment, the beginning.

David let Lily walk away and quickly made his way to Eva.

"I need…I need the kids to stay here for the night, ok?" He asked Eva quietly and hurriedly.

Eva stopped what she was doing (which was braiding Emma's hair while the girl played chess with Henry), and turned to David. She studied him with narrowed eyes for a moment and then nodded and turned back to Emma, "We’ll keep them here. Go. Do whatever it is you need to do."

"Thank you," David whispered. "If you need me-"

Eva placed a finger on David's lips, quieting him down, "We know how to get in touch with you. Everything will be fine with us. You. Go. Now."

So David went.

*

Killian was in the middle of a bottle of rum when the doorbell rang. He stopped with the bottle halfway to his lips and frowned. Bloody hell, why would anybody be knocking on his door at…Killian glanced at his watch. Oh, it was only eight thirty. Well, that was less odd, then. Must be Smee trying to get Killian to 'get out more, man!' again.

"Come back later, Smee!"

"It's not Smee, open up!"

Oh, Killian blinked and started looking around wildly. Bloody hell, now he had to hide the bottle.

"Killian, open up," David pounded on the door. "Please."

It was the broken _please_ that made Killian place the bottle on the table and rush over to the door hurriedly. As soon as the door opened David rushed in and collapsed against Killian's body, holding onto him tightly. Killian blinked in surprise, and his arms flailed in the air for a moment before he got a hold of himself and hugged David tightly, breathing out deeply.

"Sorry," David mumbled, "But I need to tell you something."

"Ah…sure," Killian rubbed David's head. "What is it?"

"I love you."

 _Jesus fucking Christ._ Killian froze around David. He looked up at the ceiling, trying to get his thoughts in order. He failed. Utterly.

"You don't have to respond," David mumbled into his neck. "It's ok."

"I-" Killian blinked and then shook his head. He couldn't stutter right now. David might get the wrong idea and leave. But he couldn't very well tell David that he felt the same. That would be a lie.

Wouldn't it?

Wouldn't it?

Killian took a deep breath and pulled David even closer to him. No, it wouldn't be a lie. It would be the truth. Bloody fucking hell. That would be a first.

And he could not say it. He simply could not.

But he couldn't let David leave, either. Well, sometimes actions spoke louder than words.

Killian pulled David's head slightly away from his neck so he could look him in the eye. David looked confused and stunned and rather lost, which made Killian think that perhaps he hadn't planned to say what he had said. At least not out loud. Killian nudged at David's nose playfully and then leaned in to kiss him.

Usually, Killian and David's kisses were fast, powerful and passionate. They were a means to an end, a need to get things going as fast as possible before the kids woke up and David was forced away from the situation. But now, he kissed David gently and languidly, barely giving him any tongue and gently nibbling on his lips with his teeth. And David let him take control, set the pace. Allowed himself to be moved backwards until he was seated on the couch and Killian was sprawled out on his lap, legs on either side of his hips.

David didn't say anything when Killian leaned down and started unbuttoning his shirt, button after button, until he could pull it all the way off and gain access to David's chiselled chest. Killian licked his lips at the sight and leaned his head down to David's left nipple.

Killian heard David's breath hitch as he latched on with his lips, sucking hard and fast for a few minutes until he felt the nipple harden under his ministrations. David was breathing hard and fast with a hand curled into Killian's hair. Killian took his lips off the nipple and moved on to the right one, keeping his two fingers on the left nipple to work it over some more.

"Jesus, Killian-"

"Shh," Killian hummed against David's skin.

David groaned but obeyed.

Killian held back a smirk as he moved lower down. He let go of David's nipples to unzip his pants an pull them down along with his underwear, pulling out David's not-quite flaccid cock. God, Killian was good. He hadn't touched David at all and already he was getting hard. 

This was the fun part. Killian leaned over- and was stopped. By a hand on his forehead, pulling him up and away.

Killian looked up into David's eyes and saw him shake his head. Moving too fast. Killian sighed and pulled away from David's inviting cock, moving back to his much more inviting mouth. David collapsed backwards onto the couch so he was laid down and Killian could crawl over him, bringing their bodies flushed together. He kissed him again, lavishing David with as much tender passion as he wanted to, while David did the same. Killian wanted to stay there forever, being ravished by David and ravishing him in return. And he probably could have, if the demands of their bodies hadn't interrupted.

Kilian groaned in appreciation as his and David's cocks grinded together, almost by accident. And he felt David's member grow against his own. Both of them hissed, and David looked up at him, looking slightly lost and confused, and waited for Killian to tell him what to do.

It wasn't complacency, Killian realized with a start. It was simply trust.

"Wait here," Killian whispered into David's ear. He felt the blond's breath hitch and David nodded. Killian reluctantly pushed himself away from David and hobbled (it was hard to walk with a hard on) to the night stand in his bedroom, grabbed what he needed and quickly hobbled back, spreading himself over David's body again. He pushed his pants and underwear off, picked up the bottle of lube and popped it open with his teeth.

David swallowed and pushed himself up by his arms, "Are you sure?"

"Me?" Killian snorted and coated his fingers in lube. "I've been ready for you to fuck me since I first saw you in Granny's Diner."

David snorted, and looked at Killian with a smile that made Killian look away. There was too much tenderness and love in that look, and Killian didn't have the emotional stamina to deal with that.

"Do-do you want me to-"

"I want you to watch," Killian nudged David's neck with his nose as he took a deep breath and slithered one finger into himself.

Killian was used to fingering himself, it was one of his favorite things to do. He was perfectly capable of coming just from the feeling of fingers rubbing over his prostate. But with David under him, looking at his finger disappearing into his body with wide eyes, things got rather serious incredibly fast. By the time Killian had put two fingers in, he was so hard it was painful. Killian let out a groaned, painful sound, and David took over.

Killian yelped when David pushed himself up and dropped Killian from his lap, throwing him on the sofa, climbing over him. Killian's fingers slipped slightly out of his hole, so they brushed his rim. He watched with hooded eyes as David grabbed the bottle and coated his own fingers. He closed his eyes as David gently pushed a digit into him.

"Bloody hell," Killian groaned, grabbing David's hair and pulling his head down to his shoulders. He kissed David's forehead, reveling in the feeling of David inside of him. God, David was _inside_ of him. And it was so, so much better than he could have ever imagined.

Killian brought his own fingers down, joining David's. Their fingers touched inside of Killian's body, and Killian had never felt as close to another human being as he did at that moment. And it wasn't because of David's fingers inside of him. It was because he could tell exactly what David was thinking, and exactly what David wanted, just from the look in his eyes.

Killian pushed another finger into his hole, starting to scissor around David's finger. David's breath hitched, and Killian couldn't take it anymore. He pushed the fingers out and grabbed the bottle from David. Coating his hand, he pulled David closer before taking hold of his member and running his hand up and down, lubing it up. David groaned, and Killian could tell that they needed to get a move on before David came above him. Which would not do.

Killian needed David to come inside of him.

"Come on," Killian groaned. "Come on, love."

David nodded as Killian hooked his legs over David's thighs, exposing his hole for David. David swallowed, and pushed inside.

He went slow, gentle, and Killian and David gasped together as they felt their bodies meet and join. When David was fully settled inside Killian he stopped, breathing out hard.

"Move," Killian demanded, wiggling his arse. David yelped and obeyed.

He started slow, pulling slightly out before pushing back in. That went on for a few times, and then David hit that spot. And Killian saw stars, and he let out a scream.

David looked at him with narrowed eyes, and then he started moving.

Really started moving.

He slammed into Killian, hitting his prostate over and over again and pounding his body into the couch. Killian braced himself, pushing up and meeting David's thrusts with those of his own so that they were moving together, back and forth, up and down. It was hard to think with the lighting bolts of pleasure bursting through him, his hard cock bouncing up and down his body, over the sound of skin hitting skin, but the single part of his mind that was still working pointed out that David was breathing out heavily and his eyes were closed and skin flushed. He was rather enjoying himself, clearly. That did not hurt Killian's own enjoyment, indeed.

"Fuck, f-" David yelped, and then Killian was being filled up by hot liquid, and he groaned, pulling David down, deeper into him, Killian's cock trapped between them and he came as well when David tugged on it a few times, spilling all over both of their stomachs.

David and Killian both gasped out as their orgasm was played out, making them both shiver and spasm slightly. Killian felt David grow soft inside of him, but kept an arm around David's shoulders, pulling him against him so he wouldn't pull out quite yet.

"Killian…"

"Just a moment," Killian kissed David's forehead. "Stay in, for a bit. Stay."

"I don’t' want to hurt you-"

"Then stay," Killian requested. "Stay."

David hesitated, then nodded, "Just a bit."

Killian smiled, wiggling slightly, and he felt David hiss.

"You might get hard again," Killian said teasingly.

"Ah, no, nope," David mumbled. "I don't think I can do that again for quite a while."

 _Quite a while._ Killian grinned to himself. That meant he'd do it again, eventually. So he didn't complain when David gently pulled out of him and came to rest next to him on the couch, holding on tightly.

*

After it was over, when they lay panting on the couch and David's heart was starting to return to normal, it suddenly hit him. What he had done, what he had said. The fact that he had meant it, the fact that he hadn't realized that about his own feelings until the words had poured out of his mouth.

The fact that he could no longer say that Mary-Margaret was his one true love.

He could feel pointless self-hatred and guilt gathering in the back of his mind, but for now that was where it stayed there. Killian's presence by his side seemed to be enough to keep him safe from those thoughts, just for now.

David was incredibly grateful for that, for the warm glow that surrounded his mind and made him feel smug and safe. He rolled over, burrowing his face into Killian's chest, and began drifting away into sleep. He was almost there when Killian's voice broke him out of his daze.

"Heroine. That was my father's drug of choice."

David stiffened, and had to physically clamp a hand over his mouth to keep from speaking.

"He was fine while he was on it. Would just sit around for hours, looking at the walls and breathing slowly. But when he was out…"

Killian cleared his throat.

"He got paranoid; you understand. Used to accuse us of stealing his stash. My brother Liam got the brunt of it. He always sent me to hide in our room."

 _I didn’t know you have a brother,_ David thought, dazed. _How could you not tell me something like that?_

"Our mother, she died when I was quite young. I don’t remember a single thing about her. It was just the three of us. Liam, our father and I. So, um, any-anyway," Killian took a deep breath. "One day we woke up, and he was gone."

David swallowed.

"He left us. And we were alone in the apartment. I don't know where he went, why he disappeared. Perhaps one of the people he owed money too finally came to collect. Perhaps he drowned on the way home. We lived near the water; you see. I didn't much care, at the time. I don’t much care now. He left us, that…that was the only thing that mattered to me. But it wasn't like I had much time to think about it, that morning when we woke up alone. Liam, he went to the neighbor. Asked if he'd seen our dad. That was a mistake. The neighbor knew we were alone now."

Killian's voice wavered a bit, and before David knew what he was doing, he was sitting up, pulling Killian against him and glaring him in the face.

"Did-did he-"

Killian tucked a strand of David's hair back from his forehead and leaned back down, bringing David down with him so he was nestled into Killian's chest again.

"No," Killian whispered into David's ear. "Liam got a knife from the kitchen and stabbed him in the arm. He ran out of the apartment after that. And that was that."

"That was _that_?" David growled.

David heard Killian sigh and then felt a soft kiss being planted on his forehead.

"Our father never came back," Killian caressed David's hair gently. "We were put in the system, like Lily. First we were placed in the care of a kind couple, elderly. They cared for us but…I was not the easiest child to deal with. I stole, constantly. From everyone around me. Lied, as well. They tried, for a long time, but eventually…I suppose they decided I wasn't worth it. Liam stayed with them but-well, that was that. A different family, first, and then a group home, then a few other families. Juvenile prison, after that. Escaped from there. Lived on the streets for some time after that, until I started joining fishing boats. Milah's family boat was one of them. And, well, you already know what happened there."

 _Jesus fucking Christ_ , David thought, and flinched. 

"I'm sorry," David hugged the man. "And, um, thank you. For…for telling me."

Killian laughed bitterly and kissed David's forehead again, "Now you know my history."

"You didn't have to tell me," David rubbed Killian's chest with his hand. "I don't need that from you. You don't owe me anything."

"I don’t owe you anything?" Killian placed two fingers under David's chin and pulled him up to look at him. He nudged their noses together and kissed David gently. "David, my love, I owe you everything."

Killian smiled gently and kissed David's nose. David took a deep breath, feeling oddly as if he wanted to cry. He wasn't sad, exactly. There wasn't any reason to be. But he felt slightly lost, like he'd been plunged into a situation he didn't understand and couldn't control. It was a lot like being in a dream. He could hear about these things happening, but like in a dream, he had no ability to control them. And he knew that. All he could do was sit there and listen. Take it all in.

"Five years ago, I found Liam again. There was something wrong with him. It took me some time, but I realized that…he had fallen into the same hole as our father."

"I'm sorry," David said again. He tried to imagine what that would be like, being separated from James for years, finding him again only to discover that James had become an alcoholic, that he'd fallen into the same trap that had suffocated their father.

"Please stop saying that," Killian snapped, and David closed his mouth. Killian sighed and continued.

"I tried to help him," Killian cleared his throat and shook his head, as though that would stop him from crying or being upset. "It didn't work very well. Then, a few months ago, Liam got in deep debt with a mobster called Peter. Peter Malcom."

David nodded silently to show that he was listening.

"Liam owed him thirty thousand. Bloody hell, if I knew before it got that bad…" Killian shook his head. "He was my brother. I had to help him. I had to protect him. You understand."

Yes, David understood.

"What did you do?" He asked quietly.

Killian snorted, "I told Pan that I would work for him if he let Liam's debt go."

David's blood froze in his veins. There it was. The darkness in the heart of the creature called Killian Jones. To save his brother he had made a deal with a mobster and heroine dealer. He wondered what was wrong with him that he didn't even consider the possibility of getting up and leaving. That that possibly hadn't even occurred to him. But it didn't matter what Killian had done, David knew at that moment, sitting next to the man he loved, for some inexplicable reason, David could never leave him.

"What did he ask you to do?" David asked quietly.

"I didn't kill anyone for him," Killian replied.

"Right…" David blinked. "But what _did_ you do?"

Killian looked away from David.

"Killian?" David said quietly. "Look at me for a moment?"

Killian took a deep breath, and turned to look at him.

"I don't…I don’t care what you did," David said, rather shocked to find that he was telling the truth. "That's not who you are now, it's in the past. I know who you are now, and that's all I care about."

"Stole some things, threatened and beat up some drug users to get their money," Killian shrugged. "Simple, straight forward grunt jobs."

The black-haired man snorted, and his blue eyes fixed on David's.

"You were trying to protect your brother," David said sternly. "I would have done the same."

Killian let out a bitter, horrifying laughter, and said, "No, you wouldn't have."

"Yes, I would," David didn't even need to think about it. He would have done the same for James, he knew his children would have done the same for one another, Zelena would have done the same for Regina, and vice versa. That was just the power you got when you were a sibling. The power of devotion.

"It did not work."

David bit his lip, "I-"

"Pan used Liam to try a new type of drug, called Dreamshade. Liam wasn't supposed to be using, he'd gotten clean. But…well, Peter was rather persuasive when he wanted to be."

David caught Killian's fingers and played with them, "What happened?"

"He died," Killian said bluntly. "Overdosed. I found him choked on his own vomit in his bedroom."

"Jesus."

"I left England a few days later. Smee and Milah came with me. Smee suggested Maine, since that's where he's from. And that was that. You can leave now if you want."

"What?" David frowned at him, "Why would I leave?"

Killian tilted his head and gave David an unimpressed look, "You shouldn’t be with someone like me, David. You should be with someone better."

"I don't want to be with someone better!" David shoved Killian away. "You're good for me, I want to be with you!"

Killian glared at him for a moment, and then attacked David's mouth with his. David's yelp was swallowed up by Killian's kiss and he sighed deeply, allowing himself to fall into the familiar rhythm of their touches, until Killian broke it off and looked at David right in the eye.

"I love you," He said severely.

David let out a weak squeak.

"I was afraid, before, that you'd leave me eventually, that I'll lose you," Killian murmured. "But I realize now that was a needless fear. You have _far_ too little self-preservation to leave me."

David slapped Killian on the back of the head, then burst out laughing and pulled Killian into a kiss.

He wasn't afraid anymore, either.


End file.
